Archive for the ‘father’ Category

How to Raise the IQ of your Community and Nation

In Child Development, Families, father on August 14, 2015 at 11:48 am

IQWant to raise the IQ of the children of your community and your nation?   Encourage fathers to live with their children and be actively engaged in their lives.  Several years ago, the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science released a study that joins with a multitude of other studies that point to the importance of fathers as a main ingredient in successful outcomes for children.   This time the study looked specifically at IQ and behavior.

Here’s some of what it had to say:

For both boys and girls, fathers’ positive parental control predicted higher Performance IQ and fewer internalizing problems over six years later. These findings add to the increasing body of literature suggesting that fathers make important contributions to their children’s cognitive and behavioural functioning, and point to the benefits of developing policies that encourage fathers to spend time with their children…

The study acknowledges the myriad of problems associated with single parent homes – over 90 percent of them headed by mothers – and the study also points out “that fathers’ presence in middle childhood and early control might be important for children’s later cognitive and behavioural functioning for reasons other than fathers’ income contribution to the family, even among socioeconomically at-risk families.”

In other words, fathers contribute far more than just a paycheck.

It would seem that if governments were interested in having students who are better behaved – not to mention having higher IQs – they would promote stable man/woman marriage and engaged fatherhood.  Why is it that the most obvious solutions are the ones that are so often ignored.

To read more on the study, go here.

For the Love of Children

In Child Development, Choice, Families, father, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, stay-at-home mom, The Family, Values, working mothers on August 13, 2015 at 11:25 am

boy with blocksby Jodi Walker

According to the childstats.gov website, over half of America’s children are being raised in daycares. The first time I ever thought about a “daycare child” was before I had children of my own. I was with my friend at a park and a huge bus pulled up, her 9 year-old child exclaimed, “Oh no! The day care kids are here.” At the time, I thought, “what a funny thing to say.” Then the kids came onto the playground. Some were well behaved and some were a nightmare. What I didn’t like was that the kids that were not behaved were not reprimanded. The kids that cried because of the bullies were not comforted. Do I think this happens at all Day Care sites? No. But one thing I have learned over the years, “Nobody loves my children like I do.”

We live states away from family, and so when we had our first child, I tried to work weekends so my husband could tend our child instead of someone I didn’t know.  We quickly came to the realization that rarely seeing each other was detrimental to our relationship, and I chose to quit.

The consequence of that decision?  We have never had cable television. For the first eight years of our marriage we had one bathroom.  Most nights we have dinner “in house” as a family. My job of being a stay-at-home mom can be demanding, difficult, devalued by society, and very thank-less at times. However, I have seen the difference in my children’s behavior compared to others.

Now, just because I am home doesn’t mean I have the time to sit and watch TV. In fact, before the birth of my new baby…number four, I was getting up at 5:30 to find time to exercise and going to bed about 10:30 p.m. …and I still had things that needed doing.  Time for television?  Maybe a movie on the weekend with my husband…other than that, RARELY.  Teaching my children manners, work, religious principles, and educating them in the art of cooking and reading took all day. Being an involved and good parent takes A LOT of energy and time.

I have a good friend who drops her son off at daycare 5 days a week for 9-10 hours a day. He spends more awake time at daycare than he does in his own home. They have one child and their house is bigger than our home.  Am I jealous? No. We are building character, not a material dynasty. I love my friend. I love her family. But sometimes I think about the memories that she will miss because of allowing someone else to raise her son.

In this day and age, it feels strange to be so blunt, but I would urge any who can to spend as much time with their children as possible. Once a child starts school, they are gone from the home for a majority of the rest of their lives. I gently but firmly discipline my children. They are devoted to me. I believe it is because they spend many good times with me so when I do need to correct them, they are secure in my love for them. My husband comes home and plays with them. He can do this because I am managing the home and most days have things under control and a healthy dinner on the table. While Day Care is an easy option, I do not believe it to be the best option.

Nobody loves your children as much as you do.  Our children need OUR love, OUR time, OUR attention.  Let’s be honest. Those who watch children in a daycare setting want the paycheck.  They do not care if the children in their care are taught values, learn manners, develop self confidence, treat others with kindness, are hugged and comforted if hurt…need I go on?  I have heard “a Mother’s love is nearer to God’s love than any other.”  That’s why God sent these precious children to mothers….and not to day care.

What your child really needs for school this year

In Child Development, Education, Families, father, Parenting, Schools, The Family, Values on August 7, 2015 at 7:30 am

young child studying w: momby Kelsi Shipley

It’s one of my favorite times of the year: Back to School. As a child I always loved the smell of new notebooks, crayons, and markers. It’s no surprise that I became a teacher.

Right now, stores all around the country are advertising back to school sales. Some even have printed lists of what your child will need for the upcoming year. However, there is something that is vital to your child’s success that may not be on the list.

This school year your child will need a pencil to write, they will need crayons to draw, and they will need you to support them. You are a key factor to your child’s success in school. You are the keeper of their emotional, physical, and mental health. What happens at home, truly will affect the learning that will take place in the classroom.

You do not have to volunteer every week to support your child in school. As a teacher, I am grateful for the parents who volunteer. I am also equally grateful for the parents who help their children gain a love of education while at home.

Helping your child see that you believe education is important will make a difference at school. Your child will know that what they are learning is worthwhile, even if it takes time to understand a certain concept. Your child loves you, and wants you to recognize their good deeds.

You can help your child’s teachers at home by communicating with them. Letting your child’s teacher know if there is an issue you are concerned about, helps your child see that you are taking an active role in their education.

You can also help at home by making sure your child has a quiet place to do their homework. If your child has questions, try your best to help them. This may mean looking up information online, emailing the teacher, or taking your child early to school the next day. By doing this, your child will see that perseverance and hard work can pay off.

Your child will have many exciting times throughout the year. They will also have times where they feel discouraged or alone. Creating a loving and open relationship with your child will help them to feel safe during these times. If your child believes that they can work through their discouragement, they will be successful.

Education is one of the greatest blessings we have. Being able to learn, create, and initiate ideas generates positive self-esteem and success. I cannot wait for the upcoming year! As educators and parents, I hope we can all work together to make this year a successful year.

A Letter to my Children: Please Choose Marriage

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Education, Families, father, Marriage, Media, motherhood, Parenting, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on August 3, 2015 at 8:01 am

writing a letterby Erin Weist

Someday I hope my children make it a priority to get married. I know it will only get harder to keep the traditions of family-building alive, rampant as societies are with self-serving choices. I wanted to write a letter in hopes of expressing to them why I think marriage is important and why I hope they choose this path when the time comes.

My dear sweet babies,

I know you will only be babies for a little while. I know when this letter becomes really pertinent to your life you will be grown and moving into adulthood. I hope you are happy. You can do this by making choices that lead to overall happiness. Unfortunately the world around you is full of sophistries that try to lie about ways you will be happy. These ways are generally self-serving and focus on immediate pleasures rather than true, long-term happiness. One of the things that I truly hope for your futures is that you make it a priority to find a good spouse and create a family together.

Many voices around the world say that marriage isn’t important, that it is too binding, that people need to be free, that relationships should be fluid. Please don’t listen. Your mother (who loves you more than you will know until you have your own children) begs you to turn away from these ideas. Marrying your father was the best decision I’ve ever made and has brought me some of the single greatest blessings in this life—especially all of you! Many people will also say that you don’t need a spouse to have children, that you can co-habitate with multiple partners of any gender at any given time, even simultaneously. Again, please don’t heed these selfish lures. They may tout happiness and freedom but they are meant only to ensnare and enslave. Women & men were made to be together—mating for life, as it were! When you follow the ends of these purposes you will find happiness!

I love your dad so much and I know he loves me, but these are only words. Real love also comes through actions, not immediate pleasure. It’s the support of one another through difficult choices or trials. It’s encouraging each other to set lofty goals, both individually and as a couple, and seeing it through in attaining those goals. It’s intimacy on a much deeper level than can be found anywhere else. It’s putting the needs of another human ABOVE your own. This will be preparation for becoming a mother or father to your own children.

As an example, while writing this letter I have been interrupted several times by one of you when it is way past bedtime (no, I won’t tell you who) and each time I have been stern and annoyed at the disruption. Finally when it came to tears I realized that I wasn’t practicing what I preached—putting someone else’s needs above my own. So I asked my sweet child, “what do you need?” The reply, “a hug,” was a sweet reminder of the lessons I’ve learned as a mother about selflessness and how those actions truly bring peace and happiness. Now he is in bed and we are both filled.

Family life may not be the only place to learn these important lessons but it is specially created to be the most intensive course in learning and joy that we can ever have. I want the best for all of you, I hope you want the best for yourself and never settle for any counterfeit. I hope your father & I present to you a positive image about the joy & benefits of marriage and that you’ll want that life for yourself. We love each other and we love you. Don’t ever settle for anything less yourself.

Love, mom.

Do Parents Matter?

In Abstinence, Child Development, Cohabitation, Courts, Families, father, Freedom, Government, Marriage, Parenting, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on July 31, 2015 at 11:21 am
parents with adult sonby Mekelle Tenney
Do children need both mom and dad? This has become a very controversial question. Do children do best in a home where both the mom and dad are actively involved in their child’s life? This question has been brought up several times in the debate on same sex marriage. However this concern has been dismissed in most cases based on the lack of evidence to support the claim that children do best with both a mother and father. Due to the fact that same sex marriage is a fairly new concept in America it is safe to say that perhaps that is true. We don’t have enough data on same sex couples to conduct the proper research, at least here in America. However the question of needing a mom and a dad has been asked long before the same sex marriage debate came around. Society has been dealing with the effects of the broken family long before this issue came up.
The state of the family in America.
Currently 40.6% of  babies born in the United States are born to unwed mothers
According to the US Census one in three American children grow up without a father present in the home.
Divorce rate in America is between 40% and 50%.
Over 40% of cohabiting couples have children.
48% of women cohabitate with their spouse or partner before they marry.
What difference does it make?
The following are just a few of many findings surrounding parenting and child development.
Toddlers with involved fathers are better problem solvers and have higher IQs by age three.
Children with involved fathers are 43% more likely to have mostly all A’s in school.
Children with involved fathers are 33% less likely to repeat a grade.
 Girls with involved fathers have higher self-esteem and are less likely to become pregnant as a teenager.
Studies show that by 8 weeks of age infants can notice the difference between a male and female interacting with them.
Fathers encourage competition while mothers encourage equity. Many psychologists believe that it is dangerous to have only one of those parenting styles. In order for a child to develop healthy socially as well as mentally they need both parenting styles.
Psychologists have also found that mothers and fathers communicate differently with their children. They have also found that children need both forms of communication for healthy social development.
Mothers naturally care for and nurture their children while fathers tend to play and interact. Again, both are needed in a child’s development.
What now?
With the legalization of same sex marriage The number of children without mothers or fathers in the home will continue to increase. The social science surrounding the issue of child development and the need for both male and female influence will continue to be ignored. And the children are the ones who will pay the price. What a selfish generation we have become.
Continue to support the family!
Though the statistics shared earlier about the state of the family may seem very discouraging it is important for us to remember that the family still needs advocates. Though we lost the battle on marriage there are still many other battles to fight and our involvement is critical. We must continue to stand for the family, be aware of what goes on in congress and how it affects the institution of the family, be informed, and speak up! The family needs you and your voice.

More than two Parents: Not so New and Not so Enlightened

In Abstinence, adoption, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Courts, Diane Robertson, Families, father, Feminism, Free Speech, Freedom, Government, Marriage, Parental Rights, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on July 29, 2015 at 3:10 pm

child 3by Diane Robertson

In 2013 California made it legally possible for children to have more than two parents. More states will surely follow suit. The diversity-in-family-structure-loving-liberals think this is enlightened. They’re working hard to bring society out of the dark ages of Married mother and father families into the “Brave New World” of many parents.

Except this idea isn’t so brave and isn’t so new. Some children have already had a similar experience through divorce and they are speaking outThe Ruth Institute is collecting stories from children of divorce. As it turns out divorced couples, remarried couples, step families, broken families, and shared custody don’t actually feel so enlightened to the children who grew up in these situations.

One such personal story, told by Jennifer Johnson, illustrates what it actually feels like growing up with 5 parents. Johnson’s parents divorced when she was about three. Her mother remarried once and her father remarried twice. Johnson explains what her life was like growing up with five parents:

“it means going back and forth between all those households on a regular basis, never having a single place to call home during your most tender and vulnerable years. It means having divided Christmases, other holidays, and birthdays–you spend one with one parent, and another with the other parent, never spending a single holiday or birthday with both parents. Imagine having each of your parents completely ignore the other half of you, the other half of your family, as if it did not even exist. Meanwhile, imagine each parent pouring their energy into their new families and creating a unified home for their new children. These experiences give you the definite impression of being something leftover, something not quite part of them. You live like that on a daily basis for 18+ years.”

So why would so many adults push for this type of family brokenness and even make it possible for many adults to have legal control over a child? It’s called selfishness. Adults want this so they can have children and have sex with whoever they please and at whatever stage of life they wish. They want this sort of life legal so their partner can make medical and educational decisions for their children. They want convenience for themselves, but not their children.

Johnson writes about a woman, Masha Gessen, a prominent LGBT activist, who grew up with a married mother and father and speaks frankly about how her children have 5 parents. Gessen bemoans the fact that there, as yet, isn’t a way for her children to have all of their parents legally:

“I have three kids who have five parents, more or less, and I don’t see why they shouldn’t have five parents legally… I would like to live in a legal system that is capable of reflecting that reality, and I don’t think that’s compatible with the institution of marriage.”

Johnson’s replies to Gessen simply calling out the truth of the matter:

“If what I had is so great, then why don’t they want it as children? Here’s my conclusion: they want it as adults but not as children. They want the benefits of the socially conservative family structure when they are children. But as adults, they want sexual freedom, or at least they want to appear ‘open minded’ and ‘tolerant’ about others sexual choices, even at the expense of children, even though they themselves would never want to live under what they advocate. It’s a bizarre sort of a ‘win-win’ for them, I guess.”

Children don’t need more than two legal parents. Society doesn’t need diversity in family structure. All children and all of society needs responsible adults who marry before having children, work daily on a loving relationship and together raise their children in stable, happy homes. It can be done and would be the source of a truly “enlightened” society!

Marriage: The Anti-Poverty Weapon

In Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Families, father, Marriage, motherhood, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on July 28, 2015 at 9:07 am

wedding ringsby Carol Soelberg

It was all over the news last week: “U.S. poverty heads toward highest level in 50 years.” Other countries around the world, notably Greece and Spain, continue to struggle with insolvency and surging rates of poverty. Economists and other experts point to all sorts of reasons: unemployment, the global recession, strains on government safety nets, globalization, outsourcing, automation…. But I have yet to read anything this week that points to the greatest contributing factor to poverty – the breakdown of marriage and family.

Forgotten in the conversation is the fact that marriage is the strongest anti-poverty weapon that we have! In fact, several years ago the liberal-leaning Brookings Institution pointed out that “the proliferation of single-parent households accounts for virtually all of the increase in child poverty since the early 1970s.” (1)

In 2003, noting the dramatic difference in poverty rates between married-couple families and single mother families, Robert Rector of The Heritage Foundation wondered what would happen if the parents of 3.93 million children living in poverty had married. So using the marriage rates from 1960, he theoretically “married” those parents. The result: instead of 3.93 million children living in poverty, we would have 0.75 million children living in poverty. You can see the details of his analysis here.

Data from the U.S. Census Bureau: A child living with two married parents is more than three times less likely to be living in poverty than a child living with either a single or cohabiting mother, or with both unmarried biological parents. (2)

Non-marital childbearing and cohabitation at the center of the problem

Single parent homes are rapidly becoming the norm. As the ranks of the unwed mothers climb (41 percent of all births in the U.S. and over 70 percent in the African-American community), no one seems to dare mention the critical importance of marriage. Even though much is said about the poverty of unwed mothers and their children, there is an extreme reluctance to mention pre-marital sex, non-marital childbearing and cohabitation as a focal point of the problem.

Few want to discuss how, on average, those who live together without the benefit of marriage will see a 58 percent reduction in their lifetime wealth relative to those who are married.(3) [75 percent reduction in wealth for those who never long-term partner or marry at all.] Or, that the poverty rate for children living in cohabiting households is about five times the poverty rate of married couple households [31 percent vs. 6 percent]. (4)

Few are willing to talk about the effects of divorce and its affect on wages and the economic stability of individuals, particularly women and children, nor its impact on family wealth overall.

This much we know and must talk about: 

No other social institution has ever provided or will ever provide the same level of benefits as marriage between a man and a woman. Objective studies have consistently shown that man-woman marriage is, among other things, the optimal and most effective means of (1) bearing children; (2) raising children and providing for their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual welfare; (3) transforming males into husbands/fathers and females into wives/mothers; (4) bridging the male-female divide; and (5) channeling healthy sexual activity and discouraging unhealthy sexual activity. (5)

It must be stated repeatedly: strong marriages and families are an essential part of strong and healthy economies. 

You and your family are part of the solution

A wise man has said: “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” By the same token, we directly and severely limit our success as individuals and as nations when we neglect the home and don’t see its success as a key to our prosperity!

The loss of human capital that occurs from family breakdown stunts economies in so many ways, but most tragic is the human misery we inflict upon ourselves and upon our children.

Here’s what you can do: 

1. Prepare for marriage or work at making your own marriage successful.
2. Have children and put their growth into happy, productive citizens at the center of your busy lives.
3. Recognize that no marriage or family is perfect, but strive to create and model a healthy and successful family.
4. Get educated and speak up. Family capital is a very real thing. Share the message of not only the social and religious importance of marriage and family, but make people aware of the fiscal impact of strong families.
5. If you are just promoting conservative fiscal public policy and not emphasizing the importance of the social issues, then you are missing an important part of the solution.
6. At every opportunity, advocate for traditional marriage and mother-father families. As always we at United Families International welcome and need your support as we strive to do the same.

“Legislation in the Home: My Fear for the Future”

In Child Development, Choice, Courts, Democracy, Families, father, Free Speech, Freedom, Gender, Government, Human Rights, Marriage, motherhood, Parental Rights, Parenting, Religion, Religious Freedom, Same-Sex Marriage, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on July 10, 2015 at 11:22 am

mom with daughter prayingby Erin Weist

The media stories that have been overwhelming my news feeds lately have dealt with the transition of the traditional family. They have covered the current dogma of the fluidity of gender, the worldly view of traditional parental roles that are seen as archaic, the insubordination of childrens’ needs to those of adults, and everything in between. The traditional family, as is now being defined, is no longer important, only hedonistic tendencies geared toward personal satisfaction.

These are not the things I want my children taught about the holy institution of the family. I recognize families don’t all look the same but I want the absolute best for my children so I will always encourage them to reach for the ideal. This ideal, in our family, is a loving husband & wife with children in their home. But how long will I be given the freedom to teach them these ideals?

Business owners are being persecuted for standing up for these beliefs and told that their religion needs to be checked at the door, that it is no longer welcome in the public sector. Churches are folding to the pressure and allowing the definition of family to be mutated into a public creation rather than a divine one. Schools are adapting to the latest mainstream ideas and assimilating them into curriculum.

What happens now when I want to dissent? What happens when I stand up and say, “That’s how society does things but that’s not how we do things in our family,” and then my children take those things into a public sphere? Will they be ridiculed? Or worse, will we be forced to cease those teachings in our own home? Right now those basic human rights seem protected, but there are many losses to freedom that have occurred in the past decade that I would never have imagined. What will happen in the next ten?

I want my sons to know that my greatest wish for them would be to become husbands and fathers someday. And I want my daughter to know the greatest joy I have in life is being a wife and mother and that I earnestly hope she has the same honor someday. I want my children to know that marriage may be defined by societies and cultures another way but that in our family it is between one man & one woman, a husband & a wife.

In other words I want them to know that a woman cannot be a wife without a husband and a man cannot be a husband without a wife. This is not meant to demean others and their lifestyle choices. These are basic designations that have become confused in the world and that make this difficult life even more confusing to navigate because of unclear definitions.

Just as I teach them in clear terms about their gender and what it means to be a boy or a girl, I want to teach them what it means to be a husband or wife. How long before I, as a mother in my own home, am sentenced by law to attend “sensitivity training” or “diversity training” just as many in a business sector have been for trying to proclaim similar things? I believe the end of all basic human rights will be when I am legislated regarding what I can teach in my own home. Ten years ago I would have said that was a ludicrous suggestion. In current political climates around the world I am afraid it is not so unimaginable. And that is not a world I want to imagine at all.

Five Great Ways to make Family the Priority

In Child Development, Choice, Families, father, Grandparents, Marriage, Media, motherhood, Parenting, The Family, Values on July 6, 2015 at 9:26 am

family on hikeby Caitlin Woolbert

I know the summer is part way over, but I have a great idea for you! Make family time a priority. Seems simple enough? Wrong! Everyday life is busy. Summer life is even busier.

This summer is a great time to start making family time a priority for your family. Amy Powell, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, suggests five ways to make family time a priority.

  1. Schedule Regular Family Time – Grab your family calendar and schedule your family time for this month on everyone’s calendar. Once it’s scheduled, protect it like gold. This means saying no to the last minute birthday party your son gets invited to, saying no to the PTA president who desperately needs you to manage the book fair, and saying no to your boss when she asks you to work late.
  2. Plan It – Nothing ruins a family outing more than waiting until the last minute to figure out what to do. Agree as a family ahead of time what you will do and then make your reservations, print your maps, organize your supplies, and fill your car with gas ahead of time.
  3. Make it Fun – Discuss together as a family what fun things everyone would like to do. Make sure everyone’s voice is heard and negotiate differences. If time or money is a concern, then it may be a good idea for the parents to come up with a pre-approved list from which the kids can choose.
  4. Turn Off the TV, Video Games, and Computer – Nothing takes away from quality family time like a TV blaring in the background. Give your family a chance to connect without all the background noise and you will be amazed at the things you learn and how much you laugh.
  5. Make it a Priority – This is the hardest thing for many families to do, but if you can accomplish this everything else will be much easier.


The most precious gift we can give our family is time. Time allows a family to create the safety and support necessary to form the basis of an effective relationship. Kids, teens and children thrive on personal attention from mom, dad, grandparents, and mentors. Enjoy these times! They are precious and will be remembered for a lifetime.


Amy, P. (n.d.). Retrieved 2015, from http://www.amypowellmft.com/pdf/5_schedule quality time.pdf


Is Redefining Marriage Removing Children from Society?

In adoption, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Constitution, Courts, Families, father, Gay rights, Gender, Government, Homosexuality, Human Rights, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Population Control, Research, Same-Sex Marriage, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, Sexual Orientation, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on June 25, 2015 at 10:29 am

society without childrenBy Trishia Van Orden

A young mother walks into a room and where her two children are watching television. As the mother sits down on her couch she pulls out a book. After a few minutes, her children notice their mother reading. Immediately they turn off the movie they are watching and sit on the floor in front of her. Her children listen as she slowly reads from the book in her hand. Many years later, her daughter sits in a room with her new baby and reads from the very same book that her mother read to her every night after work. If one was to ask her why she did this, she would reply, “Whenever my mother read to me, I could feel her love for me. I want my child to feel my love for her as well.”

Children look up to their parents for love, support, and comfort. They incorporate their parent’s actions and words into their own behavior. Children who come from healthy family relationships have a desire to be like their parents. What would happen to a child, if when they looked up, there was no one there? What would happen if their parents were too interested in their own lives to care about the lives of their children?

Society has seen a huge change in the way that parents view and treat their children throughout time. Before the 18th century, some parents would abandon their children if those children were not assets to their lives. Parents were often more concerned with their own needs and survival than they were for their children. As time passed parenting started to change. People moved from being parent-centered to child-centered and then eventually to family-centered.

In today’s society many adults have started to move back towards parent-centered parenting and away from their children’s best interests. Many parents use their children as props for legalizing the redefinition of marriage. Kathy Faust recently went to the Supreme Court of the United States of America and shared her experience and feelings about growing up in a homosexual family. In her statement Faust said:

“Now we are normalizing a family structure where a child will always be deprived daily of one gender influence and the relationship with at least one natural parent. Our cultural narrative becomes one that, in essence, tells children that they have no right to the natural family structure or their biological parents, but that children simply exist for the satisfaction of adult desires.”

Family and marriage are a very hot topic in the United States today. If one was to ask a friend for the definition of marriage, they might hear something to the extent of “marriage is a committed relationship based off of love in which people are joined together by law.” Many believe that marriage is a way for the couple to be joined together and gain legal benefits. There is however another purpose for marriage. According to Jack Straw “Marriage is about a union for the procreation of children.”

When we remove children from marriage, we are moving toward removing children from society.

As the United States moves away from traditional marriage and towards what some refer to as “contemporary” marriage, families start to collapse. Many children are left behind simply because of the over emphasis on the sexual and emotional wants of their parents. Some couples even refuse to have children because in their eyes children are an inconvenience. Others, who have children, place their children in someone else’s care so the parents can devote more time to their careers or to personal time to fulfill their own desires. Then there are those parents who use their children as props for political statement to influence government policies and laws, such as homosexual marriage.

As couples move away from children and towards their own needs, the future generation of all societies withers away. The rising generation is becoming more aggressive and self-centered. Psychologist Oliver James notes that this is because people are placing their children in daycares instead of raising them themselves. These children are placed second to the needs of their parents. Other children who are used and abused face emotional trials that leave them scared and broken. These children tend to have a harder time acquiring the needed skills and character traits that will enable them to be an effective member of society.

Children need to be part of marriage. When a couple marries, they create not only a union, but a family. When a nation redefines marriage to be between any persons, they are ignoring the needs of children. According to a study done by Mark Regnerus, children who are raised in homosexual families face “a variety of forces uniquely problematic for child development” that children of heterosexual couples do not face. When marriage is redefined to include homosexual relationships children are put on the back burner. Dawn Stefanowicz wrote in her statement to the Supreme Court that “special-interest groups [who] support political and legal objectives toward same-sex marriage, [are] ignoring the horrendous inequality, permanent losses and prejudice to children in the name of adult sexual rights.”

It is not hard to see how parents are moving from a family-centered to a parent-centered relationship with their children. When children become the means to an end and not the purpose and outcome of family and marriage, society suffers. Children look up to their parents for an example, and if parents are forgetting their children, that cycle will be repeated. John W. Whitehead once said, “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”

If this society is to last for another 200 years, parents need to move back towards family-centered parenting. Children need to be part of the family and not be seen as a means to an end or a nuisance. We begin by placing children’s needs before our own – in every circumstance – not only in our homes, but in our laws and policies. We begin this most important action by placing children back into marriage.




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