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Do Parents Matter?

In Abstinence, Child Development, Cohabitation, Courts, Families, father, Freedom, Government, Marriage, Parenting, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on July 31, 2015 at 11:21 am
parents with adult sonby Mekelle Tenney
Do children need both mom and dad? This has become a very controversial question. Do children do best in a home where both the mom and dad are actively involved in their child’s life? This question has been brought up several times in the debate on same sex marriage. However this concern has been dismissed in most cases based on the lack of evidence to support the claim that children do best with both a mother and father. Due to the fact that same sex marriage is a fairly new concept in America it is safe to say that perhaps that is true. We don’t have enough data on same sex couples to conduct the proper research, at least here in America. However the question of needing a mom and a dad has been asked long before the same sex marriage debate came around. Society has been dealing with the effects of the broken family long before this issue came up.
The state of the family in America.
Currently 40.6% of  babies born in the United States are born to unwed mothers
According to the US Census one in three American children grow up without a father present in the home.
Divorce rate in America is between 40% and 50%.
Over 40% of cohabiting couples have children.
48% of women cohabitate with their spouse or partner before they marry.
What difference does it make?
The following are just a few of many findings surrounding parenting and child development.
Toddlers with involved fathers are better problem solvers and have higher IQs by age three.
Children with involved fathers are 43% more likely to have mostly all A’s in school.
Children with involved fathers are 33% less likely to repeat a grade.
 Girls with involved fathers have higher self-esteem and are less likely to become pregnant as a teenager.
Studies show that by 8 weeks of age infants can notice the difference between a male and female interacting with them.
Fathers encourage competition while mothers encourage equity. Many psychologists believe that it is dangerous to have only one of those parenting styles. In order for a child to develop healthy socially as well as mentally they need both parenting styles.
Psychologists have also found that mothers and fathers communicate differently with their children. They have also found that children need both forms of communication for healthy social development.
Mothers naturally care for and nurture their children while fathers tend to play and interact. Again, both are needed in a child’s development.
What now?
With the legalization of same sex marriage The number of children without mothers or fathers in the home will continue to increase. The social science surrounding the issue of child development and the need for both male and female influence will continue to be ignored. And the children are the ones who will pay the price. What a selfish generation we have become.
Continue to support the family!
Though the statistics shared earlier about the state of the family may seem very discouraging it is important for us to remember that the family still needs advocates. Though we lost the battle on marriage there are still many other battles to fight and our involvement is critical. We must continue to stand for the family, be aware of what goes on in congress and how it affects the institution of the family, be informed, and speak up! The family needs you and your voice.

More than two Parents: Not so New and Not so Enlightened

In Abstinence, adoption, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Courts, Diane Robertson, Families, father, Feminism, Free Speech, Freedom, Government, Marriage, Parental Rights, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on July 29, 2015 at 3:10 pm

child 3by Diane Robertson

In 2013 California made it legally possible for children to have more than two parents. More states will surely follow suit. The diversity-in-family-structure-loving-liberals think this is enlightened. They’re working hard to bring society out of the dark ages of Married mother and father families into the “Brave New World” of many parents.

Except this idea isn’t so brave and isn’t so new. Some children have already had a similar experience through divorce and they are speaking outThe Ruth Institute is collecting stories from children of divorce. As it turns out divorced couples, remarried couples, step families, broken families, and shared custody don’t actually feel so enlightened to the children who grew up in these situations.

One such personal story, told by Jennifer Johnson, illustrates what it actually feels like growing up with 5 parents. Johnson’s parents divorced when she was about three. Her mother remarried once and her father remarried twice. Johnson explains what her life was like growing up with five parents:

“it means going back and forth between all those households on a regular basis, never having a single place to call home during your most tender and vulnerable years. It means having divided Christmases, other holidays, and birthdays–you spend one with one parent, and another with the other parent, never spending a single holiday or birthday with both parents. Imagine having each of your parents completely ignore the other half of you, the other half of your family, as if it did not even exist. Meanwhile, imagine each parent pouring their energy into their new families and creating a unified home for their new children. These experiences give you the definite impression of being something leftover, something not quite part of them. You live like that on a daily basis for 18+ years.”

So why would so many adults push for this type of family brokenness and even make it possible for many adults to have legal control over a child? It’s called selfishness. Adults want this so they can have children and have sex with whoever they please and at whatever stage of life they wish. They want this sort of life legal so their partner can make medical and educational decisions for their children. They want convenience for themselves, but not their children.

Johnson writes about a woman, Masha Gessen, a prominent LGBT activist, who grew up with a married mother and father and speaks frankly about how her children have 5 parents. Gessen bemoans the fact that there, as yet, isn’t a way for her children to have all of their parents legally:

“I have three kids who have five parents, more or less, and I don’t see why they shouldn’t have five parents legally… I would like to live in a legal system that is capable of reflecting that reality, and I don’t think that’s compatible with the institution of marriage.”

Johnson’s replies to Gessen simply calling out the truth of the matter:

“If what I had is so great, then why don’t they want it as children? Here’s my conclusion: they want it as adults but not as children. They want the benefits of the socially conservative family structure when they are children. But as adults, they want sexual freedom, or at least they want to appear ‘open minded’ and ‘tolerant’ about others sexual choices, even at the expense of children, even though they themselves would never want to live under what they advocate. It’s a bizarre sort of a ‘win-win’ for them, I guess.”

Children don’t need more than two legal parents. Society doesn’t need diversity in family structure. All children and all of society needs responsible adults who marry before having children, work daily on a loving relationship and together raise their children in stable, happy homes. It can be done and would be the source of a truly “enlightened” society!

Marriage: The Anti-Poverty Weapon

In Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Families, father, Marriage, motherhood, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on July 28, 2015 at 9:07 am

wedding ringsby Carol Soelberg

It was all over the news last week: “U.S. poverty heads toward highest level in 50 years.” Other countries around the world, notably Greece and Spain, continue to struggle with insolvency and surging rates of poverty. Economists and other experts point to all sorts of reasons: unemployment, the global recession, strains on government safety nets, globalization, outsourcing, automation…. But I have yet to read anything this week that points to the greatest contributing factor to poverty – the breakdown of marriage and family.

Forgotten in the conversation is the fact that marriage is the strongest anti-poverty weapon that we have! In fact, several years ago the liberal-leaning Brookings Institution pointed out that “the proliferation of single-parent households accounts for virtually all of the increase in child poverty since the early 1970s.” (1)

In 2003, noting the dramatic difference in poverty rates between married-couple families and single mother families, Robert Rector of The Heritage Foundation wondered what would happen if the parents of 3.93 million children living in poverty had married. So using the marriage rates from 1960, he theoretically “married” those parents. The result: instead of 3.93 million children living in poverty, we would have 0.75 million children living in poverty. You can see the details of his analysis here.

Data from the U.S. Census Bureau: A child living with two married parents is more than three times less likely to be living in poverty than a child living with either a single or cohabiting mother, or with both unmarried biological parents. (2)
 

Non-marital childbearing and cohabitation at the center of the problem

Single parent homes are rapidly becoming the norm. As the ranks of the unwed mothers climb (41 percent of all births in the U.S. and over 70 percent in the African-American community), no one seems to dare mention the critical importance of marriage. Even though much is said about the poverty of unwed mothers and their children, there is an extreme reluctance to mention pre-marital sex, non-marital childbearing and cohabitation as a focal point of the problem.

Few want to discuss how, on average, those who live together without the benefit of marriage will see a 58 percent reduction in their lifetime wealth relative to those who are married.(3) [75 percent reduction in wealth for those who never long-term partner or marry at all.] Or, that the poverty rate for children living in cohabiting households is about five times the poverty rate of married couple households [31 percent vs. 6 percent]. (4)

Few are willing to talk about the effects of divorce and its affect on wages and the economic stability of individuals, particularly women and children, nor its impact on family wealth overall.

This much we know and must talk about: 

No other social institution has ever provided or will ever provide the same level of benefits as marriage between a man and a woman. Objective studies have consistently shown that man-woman marriage is, among other things, the optimal and most effective means of (1) bearing children; (2) raising children and providing for their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual welfare; (3) transforming males into husbands/fathers and females into wives/mothers; (4) bridging the male-female divide; and (5) channeling healthy sexual activity and discouraging unhealthy sexual activity. (5)

It must be stated repeatedly: strong marriages and families are an essential part of strong and healthy economies. 

You and your family are part of the solution

A wise man has said: “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” By the same token, we directly and severely limit our success as individuals and as nations when we neglect the home and don’t see its success as a key to our prosperity!

The loss of human capital that occurs from family breakdown stunts economies in so many ways, but most tragic is the human misery we inflict upon ourselves and upon our children.

Here’s what you can do: 

1. Prepare for marriage or work at making your own marriage successful.
2. Have children and put their growth into happy, productive citizens at the center of your busy lives.
3. Recognize that no marriage or family is perfect, but strive to create and model a healthy and successful family.
4. Get educated and speak up. Family capital is a very real thing. Share the message of not only the social and religious importance of marriage and family, but make people aware of the fiscal impact of strong families.
5. If you are just promoting conservative fiscal public policy and not emphasizing the importance of the social issues, then you are missing an important part of the solution.
6. At every opportunity, advocate for traditional marriage and mother-father families. As always we at United Families International welcome and need your support as we strive to do the same.

“Legislation in the Home: My Fear for the Future”

In Child Development, Choice, Courts, Democracy, Families, father, Free Speech, Freedom, Gender, Government, Human Rights, Marriage, motherhood, Parental Rights, Parenting, Religion, Religious Freedom, Same-Sex Marriage, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on July 10, 2015 at 11:22 am

mom with daughter prayingby Erin Weist

The media stories that have been overwhelming my news feeds lately have dealt with the transition of the traditional family. They have covered the current dogma of the fluidity of gender, the worldly view of traditional parental roles that are seen as archaic, the insubordination of childrens’ needs to those of adults, and everything in between. The traditional family, as is now being defined, is no longer important, only hedonistic tendencies geared toward personal satisfaction.

These are not the things I want my children taught about the holy institution of the family. I recognize families don’t all look the same but I want the absolute best for my children so I will always encourage them to reach for the ideal. This ideal, in our family, is a loving husband & wife with children in their home. But how long will I be given the freedom to teach them these ideals?

Business owners are being persecuted for standing up for these beliefs and told that their religion needs to be checked at the door, that it is no longer welcome in the public sector. Churches are folding to the pressure and allowing the definition of family to be mutated into a public creation rather than a divine one. Schools are adapting to the latest mainstream ideas and assimilating them into curriculum.

What happens now when I want to dissent? What happens when I stand up and say, “That’s how society does things but that’s not how we do things in our family,” and then my children take those things into a public sphere? Will they be ridiculed? Or worse, will we be forced to cease those teachings in our own home? Right now those basic human rights seem protected, but there are many losses to freedom that have occurred in the past decade that I would never have imagined. What will happen in the next ten?

I want my sons to know that my greatest wish for them would be to become husbands and fathers someday. And I want my daughter to know the greatest joy I have in life is being a wife and mother and that I earnestly hope she has the same honor someday. I want my children to know that marriage may be defined by societies and cultures another way but that in our family it is between one man & one woman, a husband & a wife.

In other words I want them to know that a woman cannot be a wife without a husband and a man cannot be a husband without a wife. This is not meant to demean others and their lifestyle choices. These are basic designations that have become confused in the world and that make this difficult life even more confusing to navigate because of unclear definitions.

Just as I teach them in clear terms about their gender and what it means to be a boy or a girl, I want to teach them what it means to be a husband or wife. How long before I, as a mother in my own home, am sentenced by law to attend “sensitivity training” or “diversity training” just as many in a business sector have been for trying to proclaim similar things? I believe the end of all basic human rights will be when I am legislated regarding what I can teach in my own home. Ten years ago I would have said that was a ludicrous suggestion. In current political climates around the world I am afraid it is not so unimaginable. And that is not a world I want to imagine at all.

Five Great Ways to make Family the Priority

In Child Development, Choice, Families, father, Grandparents, Marriage, Media, motherhood, Parenting, The Family, Values on July 6, 2015 at 9:26 am

family on hikeby Caitlin Woolbert

I know the summer is part way over, but I have a great idea for you! Make family time a priority. Seems simple enough? Wrong! Everyday life is busy. Summer life is even busier.

This summer is a great time to start making family time a priority for your family. Amy Powell, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, suggests five ways to make family time a priority.

  1. Schedule Regular Family Time – Grab your family calendar and schedule your family time for this month on everyone’s calendar. Once it’s scheduled, protect it like gold. This means saying no to the last minute birthday party your son gets invited to, saying no to the PTA president who desperately needs you to manage the book fair, and saying no to your boss when she asks you to work late.
  2. Plan It – Nothing ruins a family outing more than waiting until the last minute to figure out what to do. Agree as a family ahead of time what you will do and then make your reservations, print your maps, organize your supplies, and fill your car with gas ahead of time.
  3. Make it Fun – Discuss together as a family what fun things everyone would like to do. Make sure everyone’s voice is heard and negotiate differences. If time or money is a concern, then it may be a good idea for the parents to come up with a pre-approved list from which the kids can choose.
  4. Turn Off the TV, Video Games, and Computer – Nothing takes away from quality family time like a TV blaring in the background. Give your family a chance to connect without all the background noise and you will be amazed at the things you learn and how much you laugh.
  5. Make it a Priority – This is the hardest thing for many families to do, but if you can accomplish this everything else will be much easier.

 

The most precious gift we can give our family is time. Time allows a family to create the safety and support necessary to form the basis of an effective relationship. Kids, teens and children thrive on personal attention from mom, dad, grandparents, and mentors. Enjoy these times! They are precious and will be remembered for a lifetime.

Resources:

Amy, P. (n.d.). Retrieved 2015, from http://www.amypowellmft.com/pdf/5_schedule quality time.pdf

 

Is Redefining Marriage Removing Children from Society?

In adoption, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Constitution, Courts, Families, father, Gay rights, Gender, Government, Homosexuality, Human Rights, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Population Control, Research, Same-Sex Marriage, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, Sexual Orientation, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on June 25, 2015 at 10:29 am

society without childrenBy Trishia Van Orden

A young mother walks into a room and where her two children are watching television. As the mother sits down on her couch she pulls out a book. After a few minutes, her children notice their mother reading. Immediately they turn off the movie they are watching and sit on the floor in front of her. Her children listen as she slowly reads from the book in her hand. Many years later, her daughter sits in a room with her new baby and reads from the very same book that her mother read to her every night after work. If one was to ask her why she did this, she would reply, “Whenever my mother read to me, I could feel her love for me. I want my child to feel my love for her as well.”

Children look up to their parents for love, support, and comfort. They incorporate their parent’s actions and words into their own behavior. Children who come from healthy family relationships have a desire to be like their parents. What would happen to a child, if when they looked up, there was no one there? What would happen if their parents were too interested in their own lives to care about the lives of their children?

Society has seen a huge change in the way that parents view and treat their children throughout time. Before the 18th century, some parents would abandon their children if those children were not assets to their lives. Parents were often more concerned with their own needs and survival than they were for their children. As time passed parenting started to change. People moved from being parent-centered to child-centered and then eventually to family-centered.

In today’s society many adults have started to move back towards parent-centered parenting and away from their children’s best interests. Many parents use their children as props for legalizing the redefinition of marriage. Kathy Faust recently went to the Supreme Court of the United States of America and shared her experience and feelings about growing up in a homosexual family. In her statement Faust said:

“Now we are normalizing a family structure where a child will always be deprived daily of one gender influence and the relationship with at least one natural parent. Our cultural narrative becomes one that, in essence, tells children that they have no right to the natural family structure or their biological parents, but that children simply exist for the satisfaction of adult desires.”

Family and marriage are a very hot topic in the United States today. If one was to ask a friend for the definition of marriage, they might hear something to the extent of “marriage is a committed relationship based off of love in which people are joined together by law.” Many believe that marriage is a way for the couple to be joined together and gain legal benefits. There is however another purpose for marriage. According to Jack Straw “Marriage is about a union for the procreation of children.”

When we remove children from marriage, we are moving toward removing children from society.

As the United States moves away from traditional marriage and towards what some refer to as “contemporary” marriage, families start to collapse. Many children are left behind simply because of the over emphasis on the sexual and emotional wants of their parents. Some couples even refuse to have children because in their eyes children are an inconvenience. Others, who have children, place their children in someone else’s care so the parents can devote more time to their careers or to personal time to fulfill their own desires. Then there are those parents who use their children as props for political statement to influence government policies and laws, such as homosexual marriage.

As couples move away from children and towards their own needs, the future generation of all societies withers away. The rising generation is becoming more aggressive and self-centered. Psychologist Oliver James notes that this is because people are placing their children in daycares instead of raising them themselves. These children are placed second to the needs of their parents. Other children who are used and abused face emotional trials that leave them scared and broken. These children tend to have a harder time acquiring the needed skills and character traits that will enable them to be an effective member of society.

Children need to be part of marriage. When a couple marries, they create not only a union, but a family. When a nation redefines marriage to be between any persons, they are ignoring the needs of children. According to a study done by Mark Regnerus, children who are raised in homosexual families face “a variety of forces uniquely problematic for child development” that children of heterosexual couples do not face. When marriage is redefined to include homosexual relationships children are put on the back burner. Dawn Stefanowicz wrote in her statement to the Supreme Court that “special-interest groups [who] support political and legal objectives toward same-sex marriage, [are] ignoring the horrendous inequality, permanent losses and prejudice to children in the name of adult sexual rights.”

It is not hard to see how parents are moving from a family-centered to a parent-centered relationship with their children. When children become the means to an end and not the purpose and outcome of family and marriage, society suffers. Children look up to their parents for an example, and if parents are forgetting their children, that cycle will be repeated. John W. Whitehead once said, “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”

If this society is to last for another 200 years, parents need to move back towards family-centered parenting. Children need to be part of the family and not be seen as a means to an end or a nuisance. We begin by placing children’s needs before our own – in every circumstance – not only in our homes, but in our laws and policies. We begin this most important action by placing children back into marriage.

 

 

Waiting on the Supreme Court

In Child Development, Choice, Constitution, Courts, Diane Robertson, Families, father, Freedom, Gender, Government, Homosexuality, Marriage, Parenting, Research, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Freedom, Supreme Court, The Family, Values on June 24, 2015 at 4:31 am

supreme-court-justicesby Diane Robertson

Before this month is over, the U.S. Supreme Court will rule on marriage laws for all 50 states. The questions the Supreme Court must answer are:

  1. Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex?
  2. Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out of state?

Given the history behind the actions of the Supreme Court concerning marriage, the majority of people agree that the Supreme Court will rule that:

  1. The 14th Amendment requires states to license marriages for any two people, and that
  2. The 14th Amendment requires same sex marriages in other states must be recognized by all states.

While the Supreme Court Justices are supposed to remain impartial, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg did not feel like that was necessary with this case. In May, she presided at a same sex marriage, and used words to make it apparent to the audience that she thinks that same sex marriage is a right granted by the Constitution of the United State. The New York Times reported that:

“The most glittering moment for the crowd came during the ceremony. With a sly look and special emphasis on the word ‘Constitution,’ Justice Ginsburg said that she was pronouncing the two men married by the powers vested in her by the Constitution of the United States.”

While we may know what one justice believes, no one can say for sure what the ruling the 9 justices will come up with. But one thing is for certain: children do best when raised by their mother and father. In the past the state recognized marriages because marriage is the best place for children to grow up healthy, and healthy children make societies prosper. In another two weeks, the nation may disregard the needs of children by redefining marriage into a union that prioritizes romantic love and sexual companionship above the needs of children. But the fight will not end there. Many people will stand strong on the side of children and their needs for a mother and father.

 

 

 

Who is Affected in the Fight?

In adoption, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Courts, Families, father, Feminism, Free Speech, Freedom, Gay rights, Gender, Homosexuality, Marriage, Parenting, Research, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Orientation, Values on June 23, 2015 at 5:00 am

baby nappingby Emily Black

When people hear that I am an advocate for traditional marriage, the first question that bursts forth is always, “Well, do you actually know anyone who is gay?” as if my not knowing anyone would be reason to condemn my stance on same-sex marriage. As it turns out, my brother who I am very close to, came out to me a week before my wedding. He had invited me out for ice cream and as our conversation progressed he admitted he had been in a homosexual relationship with a man whom he now lived with and planned to marry once same-sex marriage became legalized in Utah. This experience happened in late July of 2014 and same-sex marriage was legalized in Utah later in October of the same year. My brother has since been united with his partner and they have dreams of one day adding children to their union.

You may now be wondering if my stance has changed regarding same-sex marriage since this incident. The answer is no, and I will tell you why.

Equality

It seems as though we have heard about the issues of feminism, equality, and same-sex marriage much more in this decade than ever before. Of course issues of equality have been around for several decades and the most prevalent arguments seem to be traced back to the civil rights movement, which turned into the women’s movement, and we now seem to have entered a fight for equality in all walks of life, especially when it comes to marriage. What is the fight specifically about now? Homosexual couples are seeking for the same marriage rights that heterosexual couples have enjoyed under the law for centuries.

According to Ryan T. Anderson,

Government recognizes marriage because it is an institution that benefits society in a way that no other relationship does. Marriage is society’s least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. State recognition of marriage protects children by encouraging men and women to commit to each other and take responsibility for their children.

Who Takes the Hit?

The question is then asked, why can’t homosexual couples raise children as effectively as heterosexual couples? Until recently, the argument has been that there is no difference between children raised in homosexual homes versus heterosexual homes. This argument has been labeled the “no differences” theory. However, new research has come out debunking previous research on the grounds that former studies in support of the “no differences” theory neglected to follow the methods of experimental design. The most popular study questioning the “no differences” theory was conducted by Mark Regnerus. A follow up article titled, The Research on Same-Sex Parenting: “No Differences” No More expounded on the blatant mistakes which had been committed in the research done in support of the “no differences” theory. The article states,

First, the participants were aware that the purpose was to investigate same-sex parenting and may have biased their responses in order to produce the desired result.

Second, participants were recruited through networks of friends or through advocacy organizations, resulting in a sample of same-sex parents of higher socioeconomic status than is typical of parents in a same-sex relationship generally.

Third, on average, samples of fewer than 40 children of parents in a same-sex relationship virtually guaranteed findings of no statistically significant differences between groups.

Mark Regnerus pointed out that these problems existed and another man by the name of Dr. Donald Paul Sullins carried out a new series of studies. His studies discovered,

…the prevalence of emotional problems among children living with same-sex parents to be 4.5 times as high as among children living with their married biological parents, three times as high as children living with a married stepparent, 2.5 times as high as those with cohabiting parents, and three times as high as children with a single parent.

From these studies, one could gather that children raised in homosexual homes are in fact affected by the sexual orientation of their parents. Is this really a problem though? Are there really enough homosexual couples to make a difference in society? According to the United States Census Bureau’s count in 2013, there were approximately,

  • 55,607,113 married opposite-sex couples
  • 6,571,259 unmarried opposite-sex couples and,
  • 726,600 same-sex couples

 

Defend Our Future

The numbers of same-sex couples has grown since the Census Bureau’s report in 2011. As these numbers continue to grow we will also see the fight for the legalization of same-sex marriage continuing to be prevalent in our society today.

If same-sex marriage is legalized we will see the effects in the future children of America as well as children all over the world who are being affected by same-sex marriage. Children come into this world as innocent human beings who deserve the best care, and as science has proven, that care lies within the walls of a home with a loving father and mother tied together in the bonds of matrimony. Stand for our future and defend traditional marriage.

 

Emily BlackMy name is Emily Black and I am a Marriage and Family Studies major at BYU-Idaho.  My career goal is to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  My life goal is to become a mother.  I have been married to my wonderful husband for nine months and I am an advocate for traditional marriage.

My Dad will always be King

In Child Development, Choice, Families, father, Marriage, Parenting, The Family, Values on June 22, 2015 at 8:39 am

dad with teen daughterby Caitlin Woolbert

My Dad is a great example to me. One of the greatest lessons I learned from my Dad is the importance of telling your children how much you love them. Children don’t just know they are loved. They need to be told. Guess How Much I Love You is a children’s book that teaches this lesson. This is a story about Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare, who are father and son. Little Nutbrown Hare wants his father to know how much he loves him, and expresses this by stretching his arms out to indicate this. Big Nutbrown Hare replies by stretching his arms out even further (as he has longer arms) to show that he loves his son even more.

The story continues by measuring and comparing how much they love each other – by how high they can reach, how they love each other to the end of their toes, by how high they can hop, and how far the river is. Big Nutbrown Hare can always do things better as he is bigger and cleverer, which impresses Little Nutbrown Hare. At the end, Little Nutbrown Hare falls asleep saying he loves his dad as far as the moon. To which Big Nutbrown Hare whispers (to his sleeping son) that he loves him just as much, but more.

This story means a lot to me. My dad and I get into “I love you more battles” all of the time. These battles are a fun way my Dad tells me how much he loves me. I have tried to win these battles but he always wins.

Another way my Dad tells me how much he loves me is by nudging me three times. I know this might sound a little weird but the three times mean “I love you.” Like I said it may sound weird and seem a little silly but it is one of my favorite things I learned from my Dad.

My Dad continues to teach me the importance of spending quality time with each of his children. I recently went on a 16 hour road trip with my Dad. We had 16 hours of quality time. It was a fun bonding experience that I will remember always, especially the game we started by pointing out all of the animals we saw along the way.

Dad’s, you might not think the things you do with your children have any special meaning. Let me just tell you from personal experience, they do. A great example of this comes from “Charles Francis Adams who is the son of the second president of the United States, a successful lawyer, and ambassador to Great Britain. Although he had little free time, one day he took his son fishing. In his diary, he wrote, “Went fishing with my son today. A day wasted.” On that same day, his son wrote “Went fishing with my father today, the most wonderful day of my life”

Our relationship with our father plays a huge part in who we will become. In many segments of society, people grow up without ever knowing their fathers. This is unfortunate because fathers should play as important a role in raising their children as mothers. A father is the model of a man for his daughter and she will choose a man who is like him.

Daughters look to their dads for much more than allowance, the latest phone, or trips to the mall. The relationship she has with you is something that influences what she will expect from men for the rest of her life. She will watch how you show affection and respect to your wife, your commitment to being with your family, and the ways that you show love to your kids. In other words, you are the model for the type of man she’s likely to be attracted to.

It can be daunting for a man to figure out how to bridge the gap between, for example, his love of pro football and his daughter’s passion for the latest boy band. But, the main thing is to spend time together, to try to regard her interests with an open mind.

Some examples of ways you can get involved in your daughter’s life are:

  • Carpool-The more time dads spend with daughters and their friends in the car and at their school, the more insight they can have into their daughters’ world.
  • Take an interest in her activities– Studies show that when fathers take an active interest in and play sports with their daughters, the girls are less likely to have unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • Listen without judging– Fathers sometimes want to rush in and fix problems; daughters don’t always need solutions but want to air their feelings without fretting that Dad will freak.
  • Share your experiences– Girls benefit from knowing that even dads have faced adolescent uncertainty.
  • Spend one-on-one time– Bike riding, going out for ice cream or playing board games together is great for younger girls; older girls enjoy going alone with Dad to a favorite restaurant or having a regular bowling date.

There is a cute quote that says, “Someday I will find my prince but my Daddy will always be my King.” Remember Dads that a strong relationship is important to have with your daughters. If you don’t have a strong relationship with your daughter it isn’t too late to start now.

Resources

McBratney, S., & Jeram, A. (n.d.). Guess how much I love you.

Widmer, M. (2004). Strengthening marriages and families through wholesome recreation. Retrieved from http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2004/Summer/wholesomerecreation.aspx

Crime in the Surgery Room

In Abortion, Child Abuse, Choice, date rape, Domestic Violence, Families, father, Health Care, Human Rights, motherhood, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, The Family, Values, Violence on June 18, 2015 at 9:37 am

I have to warn you before you read my post. This story is horrifying. It wrenched my gut more than anything I’ve read in the past two weeks.

 

ER room 2By T.R. Ransom

 

A fourteen-year-old girl who was impregnated by rape had the fetus beaten out of her by five of her family members. They were scared of a fatherless baby attracting the attention of Family Protective Services, so they took matters into their own hands – after pills failed to do the job. After labor was induced by six hours of violence, the eight-month-developed baby was burned on a charcoal grill. The brave young woman has come forward to tell what happened to her and five arrests have taken place.

The Dallas Police department gave an official statement calling what took place an example of ‘organized crime’. Social media commentators have called it ‘hideous’, ‘disturbing’, and ‘monstrous’. There is an innate recognition in people everywhere that what happened was wrong.

For some reason, whenever this story principally happens in a hospital and is funded by government spending, it’s considered victory for women’s rights.

I know you’re thinking that it’s a stretch to compare the two. Many feminists would object that there’s a mountain of difference between a girl being savagely beaten by untrained medical experts and a woman who was raped and independently decides to get the baby removed. Why, they ask, would anyone compare a brutal beating to a safe, healthy abortion performed by a medical expert?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because abortion isn’t healthy, safe, or in any way the best choice for women. Abortion is dangerous. People will argue all day about the risks to a mother’s life from child labor, but not one word will be said about the health risks of getting an abortion performed. Not once will anyone mention incomplete abortion, sepsis, hemorrhage, amniotic fluid embolism, or the intra-abdominal injuries that have resulted from abortion. I haven’t even begun to mention the mental and emotional trauma that can be caused by “progressive birth control”.

“Alright”, the opposition says. “So there’s physical harm caused by abortions – same with any surgical procedure. The biggest difference between your two examples is that the young girl had the fetus beaten out of her against her will. The thousands of women who get abortions do so by choice.”

It’s true that the girl in this story didn’t choose to have the baby aborted. But what if the girl had chosen to have the fetus beaten from her body? What if she had willingly laid down and said, “Cousins, I need your help. Beat me until the child is delivered.” I’ll tell you what wouldn’t have happened. The police wouldn’t have come to the door saying, “We have a report of screaming in this household. Is everyone okay?”

“Officer, we just violently removed our cousin’s child from her womb and burned the fetus on our grill.”

“You’re under arrest!”

“Wait, she wanted it done! She asked for it!”

“Oh, she asked for it? Never mind then, go about your day.”

It’s obvious why this ridiculous scenario would never take place: Even if the girl had voluntarily asked for her family’s help, any sane decent human being would realize the atrocious and animalistic nature of what had just taken place. People would still be put in jail and Family Protective Services would have still stepped in. To say that a woman’s voluntary compliance in an abortion eliminates the crime aspect isn’t consistent with the reality of organized crime.

In all of the media commentary on this story, no one has used the word “murder” in describing what happened. All of us need to fight the tide of political correctness to ensure that the truth is spoken. It’s time for more people to start coming out of the shadows and calling murder ‘murder’ and crime ‘crime’.

Our societal self-deception isn’t harmless. It’s taking lives.

 

DSC_7040T.R. Ransom is a college student in Salt Lake City. He enjoys studying philosophy, being involved in politics, playing the ukulele, and running marathons. He and his wife hope to one day open their own private school.
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