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Archive for the ‘Abstinence’ Category

The Yes to Sex App and the Problems of Promiscuity

In Abortion, Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Courts, date rape, Demographic Decline, Diane Robertson, Divorce, Education, Families, Feminism, Free Speech, Government, Grandparents, Health Care, Marriage, Parenting, Population Control, Sanctity of Life, Schools, Sex Education, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, Values on May 25, 2016 at 6:57 am

Advise to youngby Diane Robertson

Every now and then I think of my grandparents and great grandparents and what society must have been like for them. Things were different back then. People married younger and the divorce rate was under 15%. Babies born to unwed mothers was under 10%. And while unwed pregnancies were around 20%, 50% of those women married before the baby was born. Premarital sex was taboo and looked down upon. The majority of children were born into a home with their biological married mother and father, the majority of children grew up with both parents.

In today’s society the divorce rate for all marriages is around 50%. More than 40% of children are born to unwed mothers. Additionally, there are approximately 1.2 million abortions each year and 85% are committed by unwed mothers. Today, premarital sex is not at all taboo. Instead it is expected of teens and college students to be sexually active and to explore their sexuality. Today, less than half the children in America will spend their entire childhood with their married biological mother and father. The traditional family has crumbled and sexual morality is considered old fashion and out of date.

The difference of course is what was taught. Before the 1960’s, youth were taught abstinence before marriage. After that youth were taught the mechanics of sex, and now students are taught that whatever they feel and want is ok as long as the other person consents.

Today, I read about another side effect of this very change. A married mother of 3 sons has developed a ‘Yes to Sex’ app for college students. And it is doing well. Probably fearing that her sons could be accused of rape, Wendy Mandell-Geller found a way to get legal consent through smart phones.

The ‘Yes to Sex’ app requires prospective sexual partners to agree to consent for sexual activity, agree on birth control or protection or none, and agree on a safe word. No personal information or photos are required. Rather the app records verbal consent and stores these on the company’s servers for a year along with the date, time, and place of the sexual encounter. Each person must say aloud ‘I’m saying yes!’ followed by the safe words before sexual activity.

Recently an EDU version of the app has been added. This costs $5 a year and is to make consent compliant with Title IX, the same that assures schools and universities won’t discriminate because of sex but also has a lot of say about consent and sexual harassment– making the government a partner in consent.

Of course, the real solution to the rape culture and divorce, and single parent homes, and abortion is not apps and laws but a return to our roots and the morals taught to our grandparents.

 

 

 

Monkey see, Monkey do

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Domestic Violence, Education, Families, Free Speech, Media, Parental Rights, Parenting, Research, Sexual Freedom, Technology, Values, Violence on May 24, 2016 at 7:52 am

television viewingSexual content and violence on TV and the potential effect it has on our kids.

 by Cinthia Jahnsen

We all have been there. The awkward moment where we feel that what we are watching on television, or at the movies is not appropriate for our kids. (Or US for that matter)  We all have our favorite TV shows.  Many of us may even have to admit we’re  addicted to some favorites.  Yes, we may be among those who are ready for viewing at the same time and place every week with a bowl of popcorn in our laps. Television can be a fun part of life.

We are so fortunate to have such technology at our fingertips that enable us to watch pretty much any type of media entertainment at any time we please. Lately though, I have been wondering what the effects of watching certain types of television has on the minds of our young ones.  Almost every TV show has some form of sexual content and violence. Does viewing these behaviors have an effect on how children perceive the world? Does it make them more prone to indulge in sexuality and violence themselves?

Violence

Media violence seems to have been increasing over the past several years, and can pose a threat to society. The rise of school shootings give us all reason  to wonder what could bring on such violent and aggressive behavior in teens and adults. “Research shows that fictional television and film violence contribute to both a short-term and a long-term increase in aggression and violence in young viewers.”  In 2013, NBC, alone, had eight of its nine dramas  include weekly showings of gore and violence. Although many would argue that there is no clear link between television violence and teen aggression and violent behavior, some researchers tend to disagree. Why is there such an increase in violence on TV these days?

Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University, and an expert on violence in the media, says the shift toward more violent programming in TV, movies and video games is driven in part by changes in technology. ‘As technology is increasing, it’s easier to make things more graphic and more realistic. Technologies are being created to create a sense of immersion, of presence, so that you forget you are in a mediated world.’ “The more realistic the violence, he says –citing research OSU has not yet released –the greater the effect of that violence on the viewer.”

Interesting to think that the reason for increased media violence is to “one-up” the next drama show to increase ratings and to utilize the use of the newest and greatest technology–no matter the cost to the viewer. Is the fantastic graphics worth the risk it has on our children? Being immersed in a world of violence, sitting on the edge of your seat as you watch buildings being blown to bits by bombs, people being killed without a second thought…Can we try to grasp the negative impact of such fascination?

Teen pregnancy and sexual behavior

Sex is everywhere. Sexual content is on the cover of magazines, on billboards, commercials on the radio and TV, and adds on the internet.  Sexual content is evident in many of todays hottest hit TV shows, but research shows that such entertainment comes with a price. A national study on the subject was conducted to see if watching sex on TV predicted teen pregnancy. “Exposure to sexual content on television predicted teen pregnancy…the more the exposure, the more likely the sexual promiscuity. Teens who were exposed to high levels of television sexual content were twice as likely to experience a pregnancy in the subsequent three years, compared with those with lower levels of exposure.” In our society today, sexual proximity seems to be the norm and fairly well excepted. Especially in the eyes of young teens who take the world of TV and often transfer it into reality.

If  your child is enthralled with a television program that has occasional inappropriate content and is not willing to give it up, than watch the show together and explain the consequences and potential dangers that the characters might get themselves into. Children and teens learn a lot about the world through media.  Whether the media exposure is pretend or reality, they often see it as normal and acceptable.

Be aware

Obviously, there are other factors to consider when looking at teen pregnancy and violent behavior. Parents need to be involved in their child’s life and teach family values, expectations, and standards pertaining to  teen sex, abstinence, and appropriate behavior towards others.  Television programming and popular movies might send contradictory messages with that of the parents.

Parents play a vital role in the influence of their child’s behavior. Help them make correct choices that will strengthen your family and their future relationships…Even if that means turning off the television when it normalizes inappropriate sexual behavior and extreme violence.

 

 

Give me that Old Time Religion

In Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Abuse, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Families, father, Freedom, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Pornography, Religion, Religious Freedom, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, Values on May 19, 2016 at 5:32 am
Sturbuck Community Church. Address: 113 Front St. Starbuck, Washington 99359. Taken by Steven Pavlov.

by Mekelle Tenney

The other day my mom and I came across an old applique pattern from 1905. The pattern was for dish clothes and there was a girl performing a different chore for each day of the week. One day was washing, one was ironing, another dusting and so on. What caught my attention was Sunday. There was no house work for Sunday the pattern simply showed a girl going to church. The book shared a little bit of background on each pattern and on this particular one it said that this was the typical household schedule. I couldn’t help but think how things have changed. A product that suggested the average household went to church on Sunday would cause great problems today. Social media would explode with angry posts and tweets from people who were hurt, offended, and emotionally injured by such an insensitive product. We would see hundreds of blogs written about it and eventually several lawsuits.

In the past several decades our society has turned hostile towards religion. Special interest groups see it as a threat to what they believe is progress. More and more religious liberties are taking a back seat to the bigoted agenda of small minority groups. There was a time when society believed in marriages that last, spouses who were faithful, men who didn’t feed their selfish desires with degenerate pornography, and women who wanted to be mothers. We understood that children need a father and a mother and that gender is biological and nonnegotiable. We knew that there is right and there is wrong and they are nonnegotiable as well. Many will argue that we are fine without religion. The truth is society benefits from religion, society needs religion. The following information comes from a report published by the Heritage foundation. It offers strong support for the benefits of and need for religion.

  • Numerous sociological studies have shown that valuing Religion and regularly practicing it are associated with greater marital stability, higher levels of marital satisfaction, and an increased likelihood that an individual will be inclined to marry.
  • Couples who acknowledge a divine purpose in their marriage are more likely to collaborate, to have greater marital adjustment, and to perceive more benefits from marriage and are less likely to use aggression or to come to a stalemate in their disagreements.
  • Earlier research found that couples whose marriages lasted 30 years or more reported older married couplethat their faith helped them to deal with difficult times, was a source of moral guidance in making decisions and dealing with conflict, and encouraged them to maintain their commitment to their marriages.
  • Religious attendance is the most important predictor of marital stability.
  • During the 1980s and 1990s, when religious practice decreased overall,the association between regular religious attendance and marital stability became even more apparent. Those who had ceased religious practice divorced 2.5 times more frequently than those who continued to attend religious services
  • Compared with mothers who did not consider Religion important, those who deemed Religion to be very important rated their relationship with their child significantly higher.
  • Greater religious practice of fathers is associated with better relationships with their
    Little Girl Helping Father with His Tie ca. 2003

    Little Girl Helping Father with His Tie ca. 2003

    children, higher expectations for good relationships in the future, a greater investment in their relationships with their children, a greater sense of obligation to stay in regular contact with their children, and a greater likelihood of supporting their children and grandchildren.

  • For example, men who attended religious services at least weekly were more than 50 percent less likely to commit an act of violence against their partners than were peers who attended only once a year or less.
  • Compared with those who viewed themselves as being “very religious,” those who were “not at all religious” were far more likely to bear a child out of wedlock (among whites, three times as likely; among Hispanics, 2.5 times as likely; and among blacks, twice as likely).
  • Individuals with higher levels of religious involvement have lower rates of abuse and addiction and are more likely to find long-lasting success if they ever struggled with any of these behaviors.

These are just a few of the many findings listed in the report. What is scary about our world today is that many will argue that these are not benefits, they are an outdated way of life. And that stability in marriages, families, and individual behavior does not matter. We are stuck in a grey zone where everything goes, good and bad are objective, and society is shaped by selfish individual desires. We need religion to get us out of the grey and back to right and wrong, good and bad. The decisions that our society is making right now will only harm families and individuals. Maybe it’s time we gave that “old time religion” a try.

SEX sells– are YOU buying?

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Cohabitation, Divorce, Education, Families, Marriage, Media, Parental Rights, Parenting, Planned Parenthood, Pornography, Schools, Sex Education, Sexual Freedom, Technology, Values on April 21, 2016 at 10:46 am

reforming-sexby Mekelle Tenney

What happened to your standards America? What happened to your morality? I am both amazed and disgusted at our entertainment today. Amazed that we can’t find anything other than sex to write and joke about and disgusted that we are entertained by it. Whenever I have the radio on I have to flip through five or six stations before I can find a song that isn’t about sex. Of course there is the occasional song about a woman’s “smokin hot body” or about the abusive cheating boyfriend. TV is the same way. You can hardly find a comedy that doesn’t use sex as the main source of its humor. And of course it doesn’t stop there.

We use sex to sell everything from cars to dog food to hamburgers. You might say that we have turned it into nothing more than a selling point for entertainment and marketing. But we have done a lot more than that. We have normalized and rationalized immorality and infidelity. We no longer expect high moral standards from our leaders or our families. In our society premarital sex is acceptable. Teenage sex is also acceptable. I would argue that it is even encouraged. Kids go to school and their health teachers tell them “everyone is doing it”.

Government funded organizations such as Planned Parenthood encourage teens to explore their sexuality and to learn what feels good through masturbation. They teach teens that as long as they use protection it’s okay and perfectly natural. Natural? Really? Let’s look at some of the results of our corrupt morality.

  • Every year 1,600,000 children are born to unwed mothers (that is 40% of all live births in America)
  • In 56% of divorce cases infidelity is cited as a major cause
  • Every second 28,258 people are viewing pornography
  • Every minute $184,500 is spent on pornography
  • 38% of adults say that pornography is morally acceptable
  • Every day there are 116,000 internet searches for child pornography
  • 46% of high school students admit to having sex at least once
  • More than half of all American’s will have an STD at least once in their life

This is not natural.  This is obsessive and destructive. There is nothing natural about people who allow their obsessions to destroy their health and their family.

The callous attitude toward morality in our society must change. I believe that the influence of the family will have the most powerful effect for change. We need to stop allowing the media and public schools to set the standard for morality in America. Our children’s understanding of physical intimacy and morality is our responsibility. We can reverse the moral decay of America simply by choosing to teach our children. The standard of morality in America should be set and protected by the family.

Families are Struggling–Symptoms are Worldwide

In Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Development, Cohabitation, Demographic Decline, Divorce, Families, Marriage, Media, Parenting, Pornography, Religion, Sexual Freedom, Values on April 15, 2016 at 9:25 am

families around the worldThe following is taken from the UFI Alert dated April 6, 2016.

http://unitedfamilies.org/default.asp?contentID=773

The following questions were asked a German couple who are well acquainted with what is happening to family values in Germany/Austria and Switzerland. Reading their responses to the following questions, it is apparent that families throughout the world are facing the same struggles.  Because these issues are so prevalent in our culture have we become numb to them?   What can we be doing to help our spouses, children and grandchildren to stand strong against the forces that would destroy our families.


Q – What are some of the biggest problems families are facing in Switzerland?
•    The politically-correct view of our society on divorce as something that is a pretty normal part of life in relationships;
•    Occupational and financial prosperity as key success indicators;
•    The rapid, even dramatic loss of religious interest and faith in God in our society in the past couple of years/decades.
Technology.jpg•    The biggest problems deal with the consequences of digital media usage (focus/distraction/addiction; anytime/anyplace availability, pornography everywhere, easy access, gaming habits/time consumption, continuing interaction with former friends/partners; media usage by children/youth and unprepared, overwhelmed parents). 

 

Perception of people and relationships as well as rhythms in life change dramatically (e.g., last thing in the evening and first thing in the morning is a cooperative computer game and not the spouse, children, etc.).

Q – Are parents having fewer children?
•    In the past 5 years the birth rate has been rather stable with on the average 1.5 children, with 20% of those stemming from unwed mothers (Switzerland). It has to be added that this considers the childbirth rate of foreigners as well, which is often higher than the one of Swiss couples. For many young couples the goal is two children at most.

Q – Do many couples live together without getting married?
•    Here, marriage definitely is not the standard “framework” for intimate relationships; cohabitation is mostly not even a topic anymore. It increasingly becomes the generally accepted and expected norm, with couples choosing marriage some time later in life or not at all (with less and less legal/fiscal reasons for marriage, if at all; in Switzerland it is fiscally more attractive to cohabit). The average marriage age is 30 – 31 in Switzerland.

Q – Is pornography impacting families?
•    Yes, young couples as well as older relationships. Although pornography is mostly not viewed as a “bad thing” in the Swiss public, people are slowly but surely starting to see that it can still be (and often is) destructive for people and in relationships. But many still live in denial and judge pornography “politically correct” as something that just has to be dealt with wisely, as is the case with legal drugs such as alcohol and tobacco (publicly widely accepted vices here in our area).

We appreciate the Gappmaiers for teaming up with United Families International, and we look forward to continuing to work together to strengthen families.

Are “Sexual Rights” Legitimate?

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Constitution, Courts, Democracy, Families, Feminism, Free Speech, Freedom, Gay rights, Gender, Government, Health Care, Homosexuality, Human Rights, Marriage, Parenting, Planned Parenthood, Religion, Religious rights, Same-Sex Marriage, Schools, Sexual Freedom, Transgender, Values on March 18, 2016 at 11:39 am

sexual freedomby Christie Masters

I had thirty seconds to tell a room full of delegates at our recent County convention why they should vote for me to be a delegate to the State Convention. Standing in line, nervously awaiting my turn, I had listened to those who went before me; we were all just everyday folks taking pride and interest in our American elections process and each one of us stated as quickly and clearly as we could, what issues and freedoms were most on our minds, and which ones needed to be emphasized and defended. My fellow delegates mentioned freedom of religion and freedom of speech. Some highlighted the 2nd Amendment, but most referred to the Bill of Rights in general, and the essential freedoms they felt were slipping away. By the time it was my turn, I was able to squeak out my genuine admiration for the entire Constitution and share my passionate pro-life position.

No one mentioned “sexual rights” that day. Frankly, it would have been out of place. The people at this convention were concerned about their country, their families, and their liberty. Actual rights like freedom of conscience, of religion and speech, are all fundamental concepts that have been the focus of ethical thought for centuries. Although the “right to life” for the unborn has been recent in comparison, following the sheer magnitude of abortions that have occurred since Roe v. Wade, there is a moral chasm between fighting for the right to live and fighting for the alleged “right” of sexual preference or experience.

However, we must ask, are “sexual rights” legitimate? Organizations like Planned Parenthood (as well as others) tell us that they are. This terminology is used to validate their disturbing trend of selling sex to children in schools, exposing them to graphic material and suggestions at younger and younger ages. However, in order to answer this inquiry, we must begin from where rights originate.

The founding documents of our country, our system of government, and the supreme law of the land, the Constitution, are all based upon the concept of unalienable rights. These rights are unalienable because of their origin, our Creator. This worldview, that all men are created, determines that there is a higher and permanent authority that has granted certain fundamental conditions upon human beings. First and foremost, that each and every individual is valuable. This value is not determined by their fellow men, but by God. When Thomas Jefferson stated “All men are created equal,” it was an acknowledgment of the special creation of man. What separates mankind from the rest of creation is the conscience, which gives us the ability to understand right from wrong and ties the moral responsibility of each person to their choices. Freedom of conscience is fundamental to the human condition, and from the beginning of the human race, has proved that virtue must be freely chosen.   Otherwise, it is coerced and violates individual moral responsibility. It was this view of the human race that rights found their origin and meaning. Rights are “just claims” that are legitimate and permanent because they are bestowed by the ultimate authority.

We must place an emphasis on what is just when we question the claim that human beings, including little children, have “sexual rights.” The Biblical, ethical, and traditional view of sexuality is that it is an intimate act, rightly and justly carried out between a husband and wife. It is something wonderful when experienced within a marriage. Sexual intimacy strengthens the bond between a man and woman, and brings forth precious life.

What “sexual rights” as proposed by Planned Parenthood imply, is that human beings have a just claim to whatever sexual act they want to carry out, at any age.   There is no reference to the moral, spiritual, or real physical consequences of these choices, and the only legitimacy given for this proposed right is desire. Desire as a foundation for rights means that I can say “If I want to do this act, if I feel an inclination, I have a just claim for carrying it out.” There is no reference to the ethical or moral foundation of this claim, and such a viewpoint reduces the status of the human condition to an incoherent myriad of impulses.

If this is just, then the ancient and traditional definition of justice has lost meaning. Every law and human act has to be redefined (if we are to use desire as a foundation for morality) within this context. Experiencing pleasure becomes more important, and more “moral” than even life itself. This is a dangerous and frightening world view, and when taken to its logical end, it is an anti-human basis for both laws and “rights.”

The fundamental and unalienable foundation for our rights as Americans goes deeper than mere physical desires. If we are honest about the human condition we recognize not only that we are a special creation, but that we are also a fallible one. Desire does not justice and morality make, and we must not exchange “the Good” for what “feels good.” There is no legitimate basis for the claim of “sexual rights”- to say there is, is to redefine and devalue the human race. Freedom of conscience carries with it a temporal caveat; our choices matter, they have consequences, and affect much more than the individual making them. If we change the definition of what is ethical and just, and change the premise of our rights, it will change the fabric of our families, our communities and our nation. We must reason together and cross the moral barriers that have been created by those attempting to redefine humanity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The dangers of Comprehensive Sexuality Education

In Abortion, Abstinence, AIDS, Child Development, Convention on the Rights of the Child, Education, Families, Free Speech, Freedom, Gender Identity, Government, Health Care, Homosexuality, Human Rights, Marriage, Parental Rights, Parenting, Planned Parenthood, Population Control, Schools, Sex Education, Sexual Freedom, Sexual Orientation, Sexually Transmitted Disease, Transgender, Values on March 15, 2016 at 8:14 am

sex edby Jackie Bowles

It may sound good at first, but do the research to really understand all facets.

 

We’ve all had to endure “Sex Ed” at one point in our lives with its embarrassing movies and uncomfortable topics. Back in the day, while there was still concern for its curriculum, it was innocent enough that our parents agreed to let us go. Today, however, the world’s views on sexuality have changed and have switched to a “comprehensive sexuality education” (CSE) idea; the idea that we need to teach children how to have sexual pleasures; whether they implement the pleasure to themselves or with a partner. The “It’s all One” curriculum was presented a few years ago at a United Nations conference. The moderator said, “If we can just get this new comprehensive sex education program into every school and fully implemented around the globe, we can all stop working and go home! It would solve all our problems!” Some of its main purposes are to elevate such things as masturbation, oral and anal sex, and techniques for achieving an organism. And basically teaching our children to be gender and sexual rights’ activist.

 

Other areas that could be covered in a comprehensive sexuality education courses taught in your school could be:

  • CSE encourages acceptance and exploration of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities
  • CSE promotes high risk sexual behaviors (including anal and oral sex) and teaches they are safe.
  • CSE promotes sexual pleasure and promiscuity as a right for children.
  • CSE promotes abortion as safe and without consequences.
  • CSE encourages children to experiment sexually with individuals of their own sex or the opposite sex.
  • CSE claims access to “comprehensive sexuality education” is a human right.
  • CSE teaches children and youth they are sexual from birth.
  • CSE promotes condoms to children without informing them of their failure rates.
  • CSE promotes disrespect for parents and religious and cultural values.
  • CSE promotes sexual counseling, information or services to minors without parental consent.
  • CSE trains children to advocate for their “sexual rights” in laws and policies.
  • CSE encourages “peer to peer” sexuality education.

Knowing all of these different things, does it change your views on the sex ed” being taught to your children. I, for one, sure don’t want my children exposed to this information. In some states, however, parents are not even given the option to opt out. The CSE’s purpose is to undermine, with children, the views and ideas of their parents. It is to expose them to more options. The comprehensive sexuality education wants to introduce these ideas to those as young as kindergarten. We live in a confused world where we currently have over 60 genders. This astonishing number is not all that surprising if we are going into young children and confusing them about their sexual identities.

Interestingly enough it is Planned Parenthood that benefits from the teaching of Comprehensive Sexuality Education.  This is an entry for them to be able to become a part of that child’s life, as they offer different services, birth control and later abortions if needed. It is said that, “Lucrative “sexual and reproductive health care services” can include sexual counseling, family planning, contraception, condoms, abortion, testing and treatment for STIs, and HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment, as well as related commodities, pharmaceuticals, vaccines, etc. The early sexualization of children through CSE can create lifelong paying customers for these services, so this is big business.”

As parents we need to take a stand for our children by not allowing Comprehensive Sexuality Education to come into our schools and be taught to our children. Our rights as parents are being taken away and we are allowing others views to be infringed on our children if we participate in this program. Consider opting out and do your own teaching. As parents we can teach our children that sexual intimacy within marriage is rewarding, fulfilling and worth saving ourselves for.  

A great website with many different resources on Comprehensive Sexuality Education can be found at http://www.comprehensivesexualityeducation.org/.

 

 

Is Chastity About Controlling Women?

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Families, Feminism, Free Speech, Freedom, Gender, Health Care, Marriage, Media, motherhood, Population Control, Religion, Sex Education, Sexual Freedom, Values on March 11, 2016 at 8:21 am

marriage feet in bedby Teralynn Nordgren

I’ve come across this idea – that chastity is about controlling women – a few times in the past year. The first was last summer when ESPN’s Bomani Jones said that chastity was stupid on the popular TV channel, and then on Twitter added, among other things, this statement: “I believe the underlying premise is flawed and about controlling women as much as anything else.” Shortly afterward, there was an article by Micheal Sonmore, who says he is a feminist, and that as such, he agreed to open up his marriage at his wife’s request so that she could explore her sexuality. He explains that any expectation of fidelity came from a chauvinist desire for control and would disregard his wife’s individuality. Most recently, I came across this idea as I read through the post titled “Training Your Child to be a Gender and Sexual Rights Activist” on the UFI website. It was within the bullet points from the Comprehensive Sex Education Curriculum. In particular there was this bullet point, with it’s heavy focus on females and, well, zero focus on males: “Girls may be discouraged or even punished for being sexually active. In most settings, girls receive contradictory messages about sex. Many are taught that they should not be sexually active prior to marriage.”

I raised my eyebrows when I first heard this concept. “Really? About controlling women?” I thought. I couldn’t understand. My understanding of chastity, in it’s most basic sense, is that it is a lifestyle for both men and women in which they are expected to be abstinent before marriage and faithful to each other after marriage. In other words: no extra-marital sex. In my religion, and in my home growing up, this lifestyle was taught to both the boys and the girls. So if chastity applies the same to men as women, why this focus on women and feminism?

Moreover, I thought about where chastity began. It’s a traditional lifestyle embraced by many societies around the world – Christians, Jews, and Hindus, to name a few. Chastity began long before contraceptives, abortion, and other practices that make ethics today more confusing. It began in a time when it would actually have benefitted women more directly than men. Think about it. If a woman were to have sex out of wedlock and conceive, without societal intervention she would be left to bear the responsibilities of pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing on her own, while the father could wander off freely (and he probably wouldn’t have even contracted an STD). Chastity is a lifestyle that protects women and children from this natural injustice.

Having heard this concept repeated more than once within so short a time, I thought the idea must be coming from somewhere. So I carefully searched the phrase “chastity about controlling women” on Google. The results surprised me. The entire first page is a list of websites about chastity belts for men. Honestly I didn’t read too far into it because it wasn’t what I was looking for, but if you glance through the results page it’s easy to get the jist of what is being promoted: women controlling when their male partners can have sex. According to some of the phrases on the results page, some men find this arrangement a turn-on. Interesting. Not at all what I expected, but maybe I misinterpreted Bomani Jones’ meaning. Maybe he meant chastity is about women who are controlling.

That would actually fit Mr. Jones’ other statements on Twitter about chastity. It doesn’t fit Micheal Sonmore’s interpretation though, nor does it reflect the contents of that Comprehensive Sex Education Curriculum.

I am aware that at different places and times – even in some parts of the world today – certain cultures have applied the idea of chastity unequally between men and women. In the book A History of Marriage, by Elizabeth Abbott, for example, the author explains that in 19th century western culture, “first-time brides were expected to be virgins, though first-time husbands did not need to be.” Women have all-too-often suffered greater shame and punishment for being unchaste than men have, which is really unfortunate and unfair. And while I couldn’t find the connection in writing anywhere, I think double-standards like this may be the reason some think of chastity as a way to control women and not men.

It’s sad to me that these are the views so many have of chastity. Yes, chastity has been applied and enforced in horrible ways at different times and places, but that does not mean that chastity itself is a horrible thing. It’s a lot like a kitchen knife. The purpose of the kitchen knife is to help individuals and families prepare food. It is particularly useful when preparing healthy foods like fresh vegetables. Unfortunately, some people have chosen to use kitchen knives to cause intense harm or even to murder others. That is not why kitchen knives were made, and although no one can deny that when they are used to harm others, the results are devastating, it would be unreasonable to say kitchen knives are terrible, no-good things altogether and that we should do away with all of them.

Maybe I was just lucky, but I learned about chastity in a pretty positive way. I won’t write the name of my religion here because I am not a spokeswoman for them, but I will say that it is one of the most common Christian religions in the United States. I had several lessons on chastity in church as I grew up, some with the boys and girls together in the same room. It wasn’t taught as a double-standard, nor as a way for one sex to control the other. Our leaders encouraged both sexes to be chaste. They also taught us why chastity is good and how to remain chaste (because yes, it takes some planning and self-discipline).

And what if someone in my religion had sex before marriage? Our leaders talked mostly about the well-known natural consequences of extra-marital sex – such as complicated relationships and the possibility of bringing children into the world before we were ready to be parents. There are a few   punishments that could come from the religious organization, but they are not cruel. The common punishment is that those who were unchaste aren’t allowed to participate in ordinances for a certain period of time. The most severe punishment is that an individual can be taken off the records of the church (basically un-baptized). They would never be barred from attending church services or classes simply because they sinned, though. (Considering we all sin, that would be hypocritical, wouldn’t it?) Also, there is a way for those who are taken off the records of the church to be re-baptized and regain full-fellowship – meaning they can again participate in ordinances etc.

Unlike what is sometimes shown in the media, no one takes anyone’s babies away, and no one forces anyone to get married. If a baby is involved, either placing the baby for adoption or getting married (if the couple feels it is right for them) is encouraged, but a birth mother is allowed to keep her baby without any further consequences from the religion. The policy is to let the birth parents decide what family arrangement would be best. I have known several people who have gone through the processes I have described in my religion, and I have every respect for both the policies that are in place and the people to whom they have been applied.

I practiced chastity through my teenage years and my early twenties. When I married my husband in my mid-twenties, we were both virgin. My belief in other aspects of my religion have wavered, but I have never regretted only having sex with one man, or – for that matter – waiting until my mid-twenties to become sexually active. I have considered what it would be like to live a different lifestyle, but I feel that chastity has given me so much peace of mind that whatever thrills might come from other choices aren’t worth it. Chastity is not about controlling women – nor is it about controlling men. Chastity is about self-control, and I am grateful to have been taught this way.

Doing Good in the World: Crisis Pregnancy Centers

In Abortion, Abstinence, Birth Rate, Child Development, Choice, Demographic Decline, Diane Robertson, Education, Families, Family Planning, Health Care, Sanctity of Life, Sex Education, Single Mothers, Values on March 9, 2016 at 5:44 am

Gary Ingoldby Diane Robertson

Two Community Crises Pregnancy Clinics in Florida are saving lives, changing lives, and helping communities one person at a time.

These clinics offer pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, professional counseling, clothing and other material services, maternity homes, transition homes which teach personal disciplines and life skills, drug abuse treatments, and anything the women need.

Gary Ingold, CEO of Community Pregnancy Clinics (CPCI) said that, “When they [women] come into our building, we present a professional environment to them that is clean and loving…We treat them really well.”

When women enter the clinics, they find a warm, inviting, and professional office. The offices are well lit, clean, and organized with tasteful art adorning the walls. The receptionists are professional and smiling with up to date equipment. Each clinic has a registered nurse onsite to help the women. Ingold pays his employees at industry standards, assuring he can get professionals. The people who work there know what they are doing, do it well, and can be trusted.

When women come in, they are treated kindly and with respect.

Both clinics are medically licensed by the State to provide ultrasounds and professional counseling. They are overseen by a medically licensed physician. All services are free of charge.

CPCI also partners with another non-profit group to offer abstinence education to the community. Decreasing unwanted pregnancies helps reduce the number of abortions as well. They teach at private schools, churches, and youth groups.

Both clinics improve lives and save lives and their numbers show. Ninety percent of women who test positive for a pregnancy at their clinic decide to continue their pregnancies. In 2013 the two clinics saved 1,211 babies from abortion, and 1,187 in 2014. In the 41 years since the clinics have been opened over 10,000 babies have been saved from abortion. The abortion ratio in Collier County, where the clinics reside, is 139 abortions to every 1,000 births. Alachua County, home to the University of Florida, has a ratio of 620 abortions for every 1,000 births. Clearly, CPCI is doing a lot of good in their community.

 

Gary Ingold

Parental Vigilance, Not Political Activism

In Abstinence, Child Development, Choice, Democracy, Education, Families, Free Speech, Gender, Gender Identity, Government, Marriage, Media, Parental Rights, Parenting, Planned Parenthood, Religion, Schools, Sex Education, Sexual Freedom, Sexual Orientation, Values on February 29, 2016 at 8:47 am

parents teachby Erin Weist

Citizens in Australia have been dealing with a politically-motivated scheme trying to force its way into their schools.  The program, entitled “Safe Schools Coalition,” seems useful at first glance.  Its focus is on teaching anti-bullying messages.  However, as parents read more detail about the program they became alarmed at its overly-sexualized message.  One MP addressed Parliament to warn about the dangers of this message.  (Watch the 5 minute video HERE).

The video states, “If someone proposed exposing a child to this material the parents would probably call the police because it sounds a lot like ‘grooming’ work that a sexual predator might undertake.’’  Likewise, the program was blasted for linking to a website entitled “Minus18,” a website giving information on chest binding, penis tucking and sex toys.  It also linked out to other sites which promoted pornography, group sex and gay bars.  After the publicity it appears these links have been removed but it brings forth the question about the motives for those promoting these programs.  Certainly it is not protecting children.  And almost as certainly, the anti-bullying message seems to be a cover to promoting alternative lifestyles.  If I planned to teach my kids a lesson about not bullying other people who are different, I would focus on respect, kindness, empathy, moral character and other fortifying virtues.  This tactic of promoting debilitating sexual choices under the guise of empathy or anti-bullying is patently false and purposefully misleading.

And thousands of Australians agree.  A petition was sent to the Senate expressing concern about this coalition, stating that it went “beyond education and [compelled] students into advocacy of a social engineering agenda.”  One journalist succinctly summarized the parental philosophy against teaching kids LGBT issues, stating: “I believe that I should be allowed to choose the ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘how’ I talk to my children about Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex (LGBTI) issues – NOT schools and NOT at 11 years old.”

I will teach my children that sex is a beautiful gift from God, one to be used with only their spouse.  I will teach my boys that they were meant to be boys and I will teach my daughter that she was meant to be a girl.  I will teach my children that other people may disagree with these teachings and that is their right.  But it is my right to teach them in my home.  And any attempts from third parties to interfere or railroad these teachings will be met with immovable resistance.

There must be greater respect about these issues.  I understand that people live their lives differently than mine.  I teach my children to love others, to show compassion, to extend forgiveness, to treat them like brothers & sisters.  I also teach them God’s commandments and encourage them to follow.  If someone disagrees with those teachings we should be able to come together and create a respectful dialogue.  But these movements are completely biased and attempt to steamroll these ideals.  (One of great concern in the US is SIECUS: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, founded in the 60s by a former Medical Director for Planned Parenthood.  One of their main goals is to “eliminate abstinence-only-until-marriage programs.”  

Thankfully, their agenda of Comprehensive Sexual Education failed to pass in my home state of Utah in last weeks’ legislative session.)  I would call on these groups, legislators and parents to work together on compromises that fill the needs of all, rather than the needs of one.

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