Mothers: Influencers Extraordinaire

Rachel Allison

I recently read the following:

I am totally convinced that once a woman has borne a child, she owes that child herself more than anything else in the first five years of his life…

I fear that raising emotion-starved and love-starved children can produce calloused, robotized adults—people who follow the group in straight lines and do exactly what everyone else is doing, because someone has said it is time.

I fear for the working mother who is deluded to believe that some kind, patient woman will tend to her child’s emotional needs until she can take over, that someone else will see that her child discovers he is unique, until she can pick him up at the end of the day—when she is perhaps so tired that the best he can hope to hear is, “It’s time to go to bed.”

I fear for the future of the child whose hunger for love and recognition must be satisfied in large groups.  I beg mothers to wake up, to experience the precious dawning of their child’s life with him.  Evening comes quickly—but the evening may be too late.”  Rita Chapman of Dallas, Texas as quoted in Blueprints for Living

As I read these words my first thoughts were, “Wow!  That’s strong medicine!” But hearing the news, and observing the heartbreak that is taking place in homes and families, I think that we all need a dose of strong medicine.  We may not like it, but if it helps to heal, we should do all we can to make appropriate change.

One of the speakers at church this past Sunday paid tribute to her mother.  Because her father was diagnosed at an early age with an extremely debilitating disease, her mother stepped up to not only provide the income, but she chose to work a night job so that she could be at home with her children when they needed her presence and watchful care. This little family was far from affluent.  In fact financially they were considered poor. But I know six of the children who grew up under the watchful eye of that mother.  They are well-adjusted, good, fun, talented, hard-working individuals and they adore their mother and each other.  What a blessing one selfless woman can be in the lives of her children. What a blessing her choices have been to the community where her children choose to settle.

Unfortunately, we are seeing mothers have to choose between their children and a myriad of interests, activities, and opportunities that promote their own fun, pride, and sense of fulfillment.  Our society is experiencing the results of children whose lives and care have been put on the back burner of their mother’s priorities… Years ago my son brought this poem home from school. I have never forgotten its message.  It has helped me determine where to spend my time, and where to give my heart.

             Mother

She laughs my laughter

Sheds my tears

Returns my love,

Fears my fears.

She lives my joys,

Cares my cares,

And all my hopes and dreams she shares.

“Lioness at the Gate”

Rachel Allison

As major conferences are held at the United Nations, men and women from all over the world come to New York City to support a particular cause or share their grievances with those who will listen.  Many plan what are called “side events” and these side events are calendared and publicized with the hopes that conference participants will attend.

In 2007 I was attending The Conference, Commission on the Status of Women, and I attended one such side event that was taking place.

Five beautiful women, all from Sweden, had traveled to New York City to ask that their roles as “mother” and their desire to be a “stay-at-home mother” be acknowledged as a meaningful, respectable and even crucial role in society.

Their grievance was that unless Swedish women are working outside the home they are looked down upon as non-contributors of society…even parasites of those willing to work for the betterment of Sweden and its economy.

One woman shared with us the statistics of Sweden’s growth and envied economy.  But she said that the statistics that are not so commonly shared are the statistics of child suicide and the rampant depression in the women who are told that they can and should “do it all.”  …Be a contributing member of society and a woman who can keep a household and family running in organized and top order.   She said that government call centers have been provided for children who are home and feeling depressed.  But these call centers are not statistically diminishing the suicide rate.

As these five young women spoke out about their frustrations and their desire to be considered contributing members of society as they stay home to care for their children, my heart ached for them and the children of such a culture.

In more recent years I spoke with a Swedish woman who did not have the same impression of her country.  She felt that her government did encourage women to stay at home at least during the first years of their children’s lives.  She was an older woman, more a grandmother’s age.  And I wondered where the truth actually lies.

I recently read an article by Julie B. Beck where she referred to a mother’s role as being compared with a “Lioness at the gate of the home….she guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her.”  I have thought about that analogy numberless times, and as I have reflected upon the years when my five active children were in the home, I can see that her comparison is extremely insightful.  My thoughts have turned to the numerous times with each of my children when if I had not been available or vigilant or willing to “snarl and claw” my children could have been “carried away” by the influences that exist to destroy their productive lives.  Anyone having had teenage children will know exactly what I’m talking about…. teenagers living in our society need I lioness standing guard, not a pussy cat, or worse yet a distracted pussy cat.

Those who attended the UN side event were as frustrated with the situation as the five women living it in their home country. The debate and conversation was spirited and supportive of their plight.

At one point I spoke saying, “We can have it all…and we can do it all.  After all, we are women.  However, there is a time and a season to all things.  There is a season for us to get our education and develop talents and skills.  And there is a season to have children and love and support and teach and guide them until they can travel through life on their own.  And there is a time and season for a career and self-indulgence.  But these seasons of our lives do not run concurrently.  Most of the time they come in consequential order and spacing.  That is the only way we can have it all and take care of that which is most important for the season of our lives we are in.  It’s when we try to do things out of season that our efforts are frustrated and we experience failure.”  Neither my thoughts nor words were  original. I do not take credit for them.   They are found in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.  And the entire room erupted in applause and a standing ovation.  The truth rings true to those that “hear.”

 

 

Who’s Raising Our Children?

Becca Carl & Caitlyn Green

From the time I was six, both of my parents worked outside the home. The day care I attended took me to school and picked me up every day. When I was there, we played many games and went outside a lot of the time. I remember there was one teacher taking care of at least 20 children. Often times, after day care, my grandparents picked me up. We would go over to their house until my mom got off of work. I wished that I was home more often, or that I could go straight home after school.  So many parents are missing moments of their children’s lives because they are letting other people take care of their children.

There certainly are situations that necessitate a mother working outside the home; times when there is no other option.  But how many parents simply drop off their children without even a second thought? Do you know who is watching and interacting with your children while you are gone? Does that day care meet your children’s needs?  And at the end of the day when picking up your children from day care, do you take the time to really be with your children.  Do you make sure that happens every day?

Quality Daycare: What Are We Really Focusing On?

“More than 60% of families in the United States with children ages 5 to 14 years have mothers who are in the labor force” (National Institute of Child Health, 2004, p.280). Since 1999, 72 %of single mothers have gone into the work force with 50% working full time and 18% working part time. Because of this increase in mothers working in the last few decades, there is a higher demand for child care services.   With so many children in day care, it becomes particularly crucial that parents direct their full attention to the type and the quality of day care they place their children in.

Suzanne W. Helburn and Carolle Howes (1996) explain:

“The CQO study indicated that about 86% of the centers in the study provided mediocre or poor-quality services. Only 14% of the centers surveyed met levels of process quality that were high enough to support children’s development. Twelve percent were judged to be of such poor quality that children’s basic health and safety needs were only partly met and few learning experiences were provided. Quality in the rest (74%) of the centers was judged mediocre. Care for infants and toddlers was particularly poor. Only 8% of classrooms serving infants were rated high quality; fully 40% were judged low quality. At least half the infant and toddler classrooms observed had poor general health practices.” (pp. 66-67)

Day care should be a place that fosters the learning and development of children.  The teacher should be engaged in focused teaching and interacting with the children instead of just allowing children to run around.  If the teacher to children ratio is too large, that becomes a difficult task for even the best teacher.   Some care givers haven’t been educated about child development and don’t understand how to handle many situations such as crying, throwing a tantrum or running around wildly.  In an Illinois study, more than 40 percent parents of low-income didn’t think a license was of importance to their child’s provider (Helbrum & Howes, 1996, p.70).

Unfortunately, many parents’ attention is directed toward the cost of the childcare rather than on the quality.   It isn’t enough to just find a place, but it needs to be the right place.  It has to be somewhere where their children’s needs are being met and it can never be forgotten that you have literally entrusted  your child’s life to another individual.

Checklist for You:

As parents, it’s wise to know what a quality childcare service is, and then determine if your child is already in one. Here is a checklist:

1. Group size: The smaller the size the better. The more children there are, the more problems that will occur. A group size shouldn’t be greater than 18 to 20 children with two teachers.
2. Teacher-child ratio: It is similar to group size. For one teacher, there should be no more than 8 to 10 preschool children. For infants and toddlers, the ratio should be less because infants and toddlers need more attention. If it’s a family childcare service, then no more than six children should be attending.
3. Physical setting: Check to see if the inside environment is clean, in good repair, and has  play or activity areas. Look for a fenced outdoor space with play equipment such as a swing, climbing equipment and sandbox.
4. Teacher qualifications: Double check to make sure that the teachers have specialized preparation in early childhood development, early childhood education or a related field, and that they are not just  freshly graduated high-school students.
5. Licensing:  If a child-care setting at a center or in a home has a license, the chances are far greater that you have found a high-quality program.

When At Home, Be At Home:

Although finding good-quality childcare is important, you still need to be there for your children.  Take the time to see how your children are doing.  Ask them questions about their day.   When home, engage in healthy games, reading, and interaction with your children.  Coming home from work can be exhausting, but the time spent with your children will be some of your best time and best memories.  It is also time in your child’s life that you cannot afford to waste.  It’s important to make sure that you are there not only physically, but mentally as well.  Just because you are at work all day doesn’t mean you have to lose out on spending some real quality time with your children.

Children need their parents to be there for them, especially when they’ve been apart for most of the day.  Even parents who don’t work outside the home fall into the trap of assuming that their mere presence is enough.  Your children want you to be with them, play with them,  read to them, be a central part of their lives when you are all at home.   Please, for your children’s sake, let them know that you are there for them and that you love them.  You, not some other individual or business, are the parent so don’t abdicate that responsibility to someone else.  Quality daycare does exist and it can be indispensable to working parents, but it, alone, can never be the parent that your child needs and deserves.

References

 Almanac of Policy Issues (2000). Child care. Retrieved from: http://www.policyalmanac.org/social_welfare/archive/child_care.shtml

Berk, L.E. (2012). Infants, Children and Adolescents. Boston, MA: Pearson Education Inc.

Helburn, S.W. & Howes, C. (1996). Child care cost and quality. The Future of Children, 6(2), 62-82.

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Early Child Care. (2004). Are child developmental outcomes related to before- and after-school care arrangements? Results from the NICHD study of early child care. Child Development, 75(1), 280-295.

Becca Carl

Caitlyn Green

Precious Memories Lost or Created…Parents Choose Wisely

Rachel Allison

Reading Ann Bailey’s article about the studies that have come out against the Federal Government’s Head Start preschool program must be discouraging to those whose intentions may have been positive and even altruistic.  But the years of time and effort and billions of dollars poured into the program have proven a failure.

Who lost out? The innocent children who were used as Guiney pigs to boost the ego of brainstorming government employees who thought that they had devised a program that was better than a mother’s love and the security of home environment. What does a child need and long for more than anything else in the world? Quantity and quality time spent with their mother.

Who else lost out? The mothers who forfeited memories made with their precious pre-schoolers.

You may say, “But it was a program for poor families.”  I remember the families in my hometown who sent their children to Head Start.  The mothers loved their children.  They may have qualified for government assistance, but they were good mothers.  They mistakenly thought they were giving their children an advantage, when in reality they were giving up precious time and memories with their child for a program that failed.  Again, what does a child need and long for more than anything else in the world?  Quantity and quality time spent with their mother.

Can you sense my emotion?  For the past two weeks I have been following through on a New Year’s Resolution.  I have spent hours compiling a memory album of my children.  Each photo represents a precious memory I have with them. Each hour spent on the project has stirred emotions that have brought me close to tears. If I could I would go back in time and do it all again.

Young mothers and fathers…May I emphasize that no one will love and care for your children as well as you.  Love them. Teach them. Spend as much time with them as you possibly can.  Enjoy them, and allow them to enjoy you.  Your memories will create a valuable anchor to your soul that you will cherish more and more as the years advance. Trust me on this one.  I think it may even be a natural law.

My Thoughts on our Sexual State of Affairs

Allison Malnar

I read an article yesterday that cited Bill Clinton’s State of the Union Address from January 1994.  He stated,  ”In ten years, one-half of all children born in America will be illegitimate.” I was shocked!   I have been on the computer for over an hour trying to find out how many children are now born to unwed mothers in the United States. According to the National Vital Statistics Reports, Volume 60, Number 1, November 3, 2011, the number of overall births is decreasing, while the number of illegitimate births is increasing.

Clinton’s State of the Union Address coupled with an observation I had last week at my children’s swimming lessons prompted the writing of this blog.  I watched a very cute little girl get dropped off by her father and met at the swim lesson by her mother. The man and the woman spoke very little. The woman had just come from work. I could tell that they both adored the little girl but not each other. I thought how different my life would be if I were on my own with my children. I would have to work and I would be entrusting my children’s wellbeing to strangers.

I have several friends who are single mothers. Some are single because husbands have left, and some because they chose to have sexual relations outside of marriage. One friend was dating a man and “they were in love” until she got pregnant. Then, he was gone. She is no longer pregnant but she never had the baby. This friend and her former lover no longer speak.

I waited until I was married to have sex. I did have a few serious relationships where my boyfriends really tried to pressure me to have sexual relations with them.  I am so grateful I did not give in to them or the moment. Years later, I can see what my parents were trying to tell me back then. When you only have sexual relations within marriage, it is difficult to imagine having sex casually. The big secret of marital sex is if the relationship is good—both partners committed and caring of the other, the sex gets better and better. No casual affair can compare with the committed wonderful marriage relationship. How can I say this while not having experienced the former? Observation and seeing the consequences of both types of relationships is telling.

Last week, my children crawled in bed with me and we laughed and talked and read books for over an hour. I thought, “This is heaven on earth.” Later that day, my kids ran to my husband yelling, “Daddy!” I followed them with a kiss for my husband. Why am I writing about my perfect life? (It is not always perfect but I have never wanted to trade with anyone.) Because I believe the big lie of today is perpetuated by adults that have never experienced the type of relationship I am describing. There are wonderful and honorable men and women in society that still believe in traditional values. And while you have to place more restrictions on yourself before marriage, it leads to greater freedom after marriage.

May I Vent?

Rachel Allison

My daughter and I had a conversation recently that made me crazy.  One of her friends has three teenage daughters.  A few months ago, the fourteen-year old, Mary, spent the night at my daughter’s home.  She slept on the floor with sheets and blankets provided by my daughter.  After the young girl left, my daughter realized that during the night Mary had wet the bedding and the carpet beneath.  Recently Mary spent the night with another friend and the same thing happened. Because of a church assignment, my daughter has had regular opportunity to associate with Mary, and she has become very aware of the smell that accompanies her. Other friends complain of the smell, but apparently they aren’t associating the smell with their friend…at least not yet.

It has become more and more apparent that there is a major problem with cleanliness.  Out of concern for the future taunts and ostracism by friends, my daughter talked to Mary’s mother.  At first the mother denied knowledge of the situation, but as the conversation continued, she admitted knowing about the problem.  Apparently both her fourteen and twelve-year old daughters wet the bed nightly.  The mother said she has tried to get her girl’s to quit stuffing their soiled clothes in drawers or closet corners, but it still happens.  Her concern with the soiled mattresses is having to spend the money to replace them. Her excuse for not protecting the mattress was that the plastic gets torn, the girl’s don’t tell her about the tear, and the mattress gets soiled again.

The wetting of the bed is not the issue I want to vent about.  Some of my children have been older bedwetters, but during those weeks and months, I was SO aware of cleanliness.  Sheets and night clothing were washed every morning. The mattresses and mattress protectors were checked every time the bed was remade for any tears or foul smell.

The issue I have is with Mary’s mother.  If she is not even aware of the repulsive urine smell that surrounds her daughters or apparently their bedroom, then something is terribly wrong.  I can’t even fathom such a disconnect. Would this woman be just as oblivious to her teenage daughters’ problems if she stayed at home full time?  But she has admitted to my daughter that she loves her employment, and would much rather be at work than at home.  As a result, long hours are spent away from family and the frustrations that they cause.

So my question is, did problems at home cause her love of the workplace?  Or did her love of the workplace cause the problems at home?   This bedwetting issue could stem from a physical problem…if so these young girls will out grow it.  But if it stems from an emotional problem…a problem that is being ignored…then my heart goes out to these girls and the hurt and humiliation they are experiencing.

Women: Career or Home and Family…

Rachel Allison

What has our society done to us?

Has Hollywood and advertising caused us to focus on looks rather than depth, and instant gratification rather than virtue and self-control?  Have we become caught up with priorities that may bring status and recognition while true and lasting fulfillment are eluded because we have not focused on selfless service?  If only we could place our causes and priorities under a type of magnifying glass that could clearly project the future outcome of our time and efforts.  We could then examine whether our time commitments are helping us reach the top of the mountain we are really wanting to reach.

Recently I read an article entitled “The Bride Who was Groomed for a Career” by Lea Singh.  What an interesting viewpoint on feminism.  In years past I have rubbed shoulders with many women who believe that first and foremost they should prepare for a fulfilling career.  These women eventually want marriage and family too, but they have been so focused on priorities dictated by secularism and feminism that other concerns are given only a side-glance.

Several years ago my husband and I became good friends with a fortyish-age woman who had made quite a career for herself in the fashion world.  Her name and photo were regulars in some of the more exclusive New York magazines. She once told us that she lived the life of “The Devil Wears Prada.” In fact she had worked closely with the woman who inspired the above-mentioned movie.  She said that her schedule required that a sleeping bag be kept in one of her office drawers, and evening gowns were kept in her office closet.  There were many weeks where her office WAS her home, and she loved the excitement and lure of all the glitz and recognition!  That is she loved it until she realized that with this kind of pace she would never find serious prospects for marriage. As she neared her 40^th birthday, she made a courageous decision.  She actually quit her job and began writing a book.  Her time became her own, and amazingly she was married within a year. The last I heard she had two small children, and she was finally living the life she really wanted all along.

I’m not at all implying that women should not attend college and get a degree. Any and all education received gives confidence and perspective.  It can inspire and empower….making any woman a better companion and mother.

I found Lea Singh’s viewpoint extremely interesting. The following is taken from Ms. Singh’s article:

I wish that as I was growing up, the role of wife and mother had been more fully present as a respectable and important option that also needs time and training, not just an afterthought that automatically tacks on to a career. Much of the skill set I acquired in university is not very useful in the home. Although I know how to write legal briefs, I wish I knew how to sew, play family songs on the piano and cook without a cookbook, and even that I was more familiar with caring for little ones and for a busy household. All the chores I was protected from in order to enable me to study as I was growing up – maybe I should have done them after all, including some babysitting. I want to give these experiences to my daughter, so that she will be better equipped not just for a career, but also for motherhood.

I even wish – and this is sure to get some hair frizzed – that it had been explained to me that a high-flying career does not go well with family life. Men and women really are different. When the man gets married, it is just a sweet step in the direction of all his life dreams. He can climb up the career ladder and still be a good father to his nine kids. He will get a deep sense of meaning and fulfillment from providing for his family.

But where feminism has confused women, it has made us dream that we are the same as men. Men are not mothers, and children don’t need them in the same way as they will inevitably need us. So if we want to have children, we can’t pretend to be men in our career plans and aspirations. Do we really want to have someone else caring for our homes and our children? It does not have to be that way. We need to embrace a model of life success that is less career-oriented and more family-centered. Giving of oneself to others, while it comes without diplomas, year-end bonuses and frequent-flyer miles, is just as worthy and important as building up one’s own career.

 

 

 

 

 

Cause and Effect: Family Disintegration and Society Chaos

Rachel Allison

How many times does history have to repeat itself before we learn that values matter? Families matter. Moral courage matters. Honor and integrity matter. Not only for individual happiness and prosperity, but for the good and strengthening of society.  Which fails us first…The family or society? Too many parents become distracted by all that society is offering, and they fail to focus time and instruction toward their children.  Children, having no guidance because of absent parents, become swayed by what society is offering, and the cycle continues, but compounds with each new generation.

We are hearing and reading more and more religious leaders speak up for the preservation of the family.  They are seeing and understanding the destructive trends of our society for what they are…civilization killers. One such religious leader who spoke out recently was M. Russell Ballard, a leader in the Mormon Church. “Much of the world has lost its way in particular with regards to priorities and values in our homes.” “Happiness is directly related to home and family.  There is no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home. No service is greater than that which promotes and preserves family life.”

Ballard spoke of the growing disregard for marriage in the United States.  “A New York Times article read that the children born to unmarried women has crossed the threshold.  More than half the births to American women under age thirty occur outside of marriage.  Among couples in the U.S. who marry, half get divorced. Other couples lose their way by allowing other things to interfere with family.” Ballard stated, “statistically those who have less education and consequently lower incomes are less likely to marry and go to church, and much more likely to be involved in crime and have children outside of marriage.” “Prosperity and education seem to be connected to a higher likelihood of having traditional families and values.  The question of course is about cause and effect.

Do some sectors of our society have stronger values and families because they are more educated and prosperous?  Or are they more educated and prosperous because they have values and strong families.” Ballard believes the latter to be true.  “Society at large is strengthened as commitments to families grow stronger.” “When couples marry they greatly increase their capability of economic well being.  When children are born in wedlock and have both a mom and a dad their opportunities and likelihood of occupational success skyrocket.  When families work and play together neighborhoods and communities flourish, economies improve and less government and costly safety nets are required.”

“The bad news is that the family breakdown is causing a host of societal and economic ills .  But the good news is like any cause and effect.  Those ills can be reversed if what is causing them is changed.” “Inequities are resolved by living values.  The most important cause of our lifetime is our family.  If we devote ourselves to this cause we will improve every other aspect of our lives.”

Thank you Russell Ballard and other religious leaders who are all too aware of what is happening in our society!    Thank you for speaking out and helping us see more clearly what is happening to society because of the family. If only such family focus and commitment could be legislated! But unfortunately it can’t.  Our society is in need of reform, and it’s only going to happen when we make the changes that place family as our A #1 priority .

Childhood and a Mother’s Direction

Rachel Allison

A few days ago a Portuguese cardinal sparked controversy by repeating the Catholic Church’s longstanding teaching to encourage women to be at home with their children. He stressed that the function of a mother is essential to the education of her children. Cardinal Manuel Monteiro de Castro said that “We should give much more value to family and to the value of women at home… the presence of the woman in the family has a very, very important value for the whole nation. The best educator is the mother, and if the mother doesn’t have time to breathe how is she going to have time to educate?”

His statements are similar to those of Pope John Paul II, who wrote in his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio in 1981 that “the true advancement of women requires that clear recognition be given to the value of their maternal and family role, by comparison with all other public roles and all other professions.”

“The mentality which honors women more for their work outside the home than for their work within the family must be overcome. This requires that men should truly esteem and love women with total respect for their personal dignity, and that society should create and develop conditions favoring work in the home,” the pontiff wrote.

The words of these wise and honorable men made me think about a class I took some time ago on child development.  When pure and precious babies are born the billions of neurons in their brains are free from any negatives or positives.  But that quickly changes.  As these babies are nurtured, cuddled, talked to, and laughed with they are taught that they are important, and they are loved.  These neurons quickly make connections with other neurons until there is a well-traveled path that makes up their understanding of who they are.

‘When I fall down and hurt myself, my mother will be there to comfort me.’  ‘My mother feeds me, and bathes me, and dresses me.  I am important to her, and she loves me…and I can be important and loved by others.’

Just as Cardinal Castro said, “The best educator is the mother.” Mothers help a child form feelings about themselves.  She helps her children understand that they are important, they are appreciated, needed and they are lovable.  She teaches them to understand the appropriate way to act in society.  She teaches them the value of work and she gives direction that helps them form habits that will bless their lives.  She teaches them honesty and she shares the values she holds dear.

Hardwiring their minds in a positive direction is a full-time job. It takes patience and fortitude.  It requires love, selflessness and creativity.  I would say unequivocally that it is the most important roll a woman can have…to influence another human being to become a happy, productive, contributing member of society.

Thank you Cardinal Castro for speaking out to a world that too often does not place its priorities on home and family.  The news bears testimony of that truth.

 

We do what’s best for kids – who are we kidding?

Ann Bailey

Sitting there in the dentist’s office, the Reader’s Digest cover caught my attention.   Smartly-dressed Michelle Obama grinned at me from the cover and the headline read:  “Michelle Obama’s Family Values.”  But it was the quote from her that really got me going:  “Everything we do must be for our children.”  But before I could snatch up the magazine, the receptionist called me into the back and into the dentist chair.

“Everything we do must be for our children.”  I could not agree more!   That’s such a lovely statement, but unfortunately, the policies that I see promoted by the occupants of the White House leave me wondering how much Mrs. Obama actually understands that statement.   As I sat there with the man in the white mask trying to save my ailing tooth, I had plenty of time to make a mental list of policies and behaviors that are promoted in this country, that do anything but show that “everything we do is for our children.”

These are not in any particular order, but here’s my list:

• Readily accept and even promote cohabitation, including giving benefits to individuals who “shack up,” when we know that these relationships are unstable at best and downright dangerous for children at worst.
• Create policies that encourage individuals to bear children out-of-wedlock dooming many of these children to lives of disadvantage and poverty.
• Allowed same-sex marriage to gain a foothold, ignoring the fact that acceptance of same-sex marriage means unequivocally that marriage and child bearing are unrelated.  Once again putting adults “needs” ahead of children’s.
• Use reproductive technologies that bless the lives of married men and women that wish to have children, but also allow children to be created to satisfy the whims of adults – many of these children being stripped of their right to have and to know both their mother and father.
• Disposable marriages and easy divorce that pretends to serve the needs of adults, but has brought enormous physical, emotional, and economic harm to children.
• One word:  abortion!
• Allowed feminism to convince us that woman’s place is in the workforce and that daycare suits children just fine.  Now we’ve built an economy built around this falsehood.
• Speaking of economy, we’ve consumed all that our parents bequeathed to us, lived a lifestyle beyond our means for decades, and now we’re consuming our children’s future as well.

This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but it is a sad one.  Mrs. Obama and all of us need to take a closer look at that sentence and REALLY think through what it means.  What’s best for our children should always be our primary focus– not just window dressing for a magazine cover.