Mothers: Influencers Extraordinaire

Rachel Allison

I recently read the following:

I am totally convinced that once a woman has borne a child, she owes that child herself more than anything else in the first five years of his life…

I fear that raising emotion-starved and love-starved children can produce calloused, robotized adults—people who follow the group in straight lines and do exactly what everyone else is doing, because someone has said it is time.

I fear for the working mother who is deluded to believe that some kind, patient woman will tend to her child’s emotional needs until she can take over, that someone else will see that her child discovers he is unique, until she can pick him up at the end of the day—when she is perhaps so tired that the best he can hope to hear is, “It’s time to go to bed.”

I fear for the future of the child whose hunger for love and recognition must be satisfied in large groups.  I beg mothers to wake up, to experience the precious dawning of their child’s life with him.  Evening comes quickly—but the evening may be too late.”  Rita Chapman of Dallas, Texas as quoted in Blueprints for Living

As I read these words my first thoughts were, “Wow!  That’s strong medicine!” But hearing the news, and observing the heartbreak that is taking place in homes and families, I think that we all need a dose of strong medicine.  We may not like it, but if it helps to heal, we should do all we can to make appropriate change.

One of the speakers at church this past Sunday paid tribute to her mother.  Because her father was diagnosed at an early age with an extremely debilitating disease, her mother stepped up to not only provide the income, but she chose to work a night job so that she could be at home with her children when they needed her presence and watchful care. This little family was far from affluent.  In fact financially they were considered poor. But I know six of the children who grew up under the watchful eye of that mother.  They are well-adjusted, good, fun, talented, hard-working individuals and they adore their mother and each other.  What a blessing one selfless woman can be in the lives of her children. What a blessing her choices have been to the community where her children choose to settle.

Unfortunately, we are seeing mothers have to choose between their children and a myriad of interests, activities, and opportunities that promote their own fun, pride, and sense of fulfillment.  Our society is experiencing the results of children whose lives and care have been put on the back burner of their mother’s priorities… Years ago my son brought this poem home from school. I have never forgotten its message.  It has helped me determine where to spend my time, and where to give my heart.

             Mother

She laughs my laughter

Sheds my tears

Returns my love,

Fears my fears.

She lives my joys,

Cares my cares,

And all my hopes and dreams she shares.

Proselytizing compared to rape? Really?

Rachel Allison

There are bombs going off on more fronts than I can name.  The attacks are relentless and escalating.

Abortion—Now the truth is coming out about the “safety” and “compassion” of abortion clinics.  And we thought the supposed “back-alley abortions” were bad?

Euthanasia—being legalized and accepted as “killing with compassion.”

Marriage—If the Supreme Court redefines marriage, marriage, completely severed from its original purpose, might never pull out of its death spiral.  Religious freedom and rights of conscience will be severely compromised.

Educational decline—we have all witnessed its decline, and with Common Core being rammed through at break-neck speed, it will continue to be an agenda driven program run by non-elected federal agencies.

And there’s so much more…

What’s most alarming, a majority of the people seem to be totally unaware and even apathetic to the bombardment.

The most recent bombshell: Court marshals for those who proselyte  in the military.

I quote Bethany Monk from CitizenLink

The Pentagon has released a statement, confirming its policy that would punish service members who share their religious beliefs.

That follows a private meeting last week between Mikey Weinstein, president of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) and the Pentagon. Weinstein said military personnel who proselytize are guilty of sedition and “treason.” He said they should be punished to quell a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”  

“If this policy goes forward, Christians within the military who speak their faith could now be prosecuted as enemies of the states,” according to the Family Research Council. “This has potential to destroy military recruiting across the services as Americans realize that their faith will be suppressed by joining the military. Our brave troops deserve better. If chaplains and other personnel are censored from offering the full solace of the Gospel, there is not religious freedom in the military.”

As I have studied this and other relevant reporting it looks like the Department of Defense has had this particular regulation in place prior to Weinstein’s demands.

“Air Force Culture, Air Force Standards,” published on Aug. 7, 2012.

Section 2.11 requires “government neutrality regarding religion.”

“Leaders at all levels must balance constitutional protections for an individual’s free exercise of religion or other personal beliefs and the constitutional prohibition against governmental establishment of religion,” the regulation states.

Military leaders were admonished not to use their position to “promote their personal religious beliefs to their subordinates or to extend preferential treatment for any religion.”

Tony Perkins, President of the Family Research Council has said Weinstein’s hands are all over this work.  I wish I understood better whether MRFF could actually have had imput into the writing of the militaries’ regulations. Weinstein, an avid atheist is now demanding that the DOD start implementing it.

I quote Todd Starnes from Fox News

President Mikey Weinstein and others from his organization met privately with Pentagon officials on April 23. He said U.S. troops who proselytize are guilty of sedition and treason and should be punished – by the hundreds if necessary – to stave off what he called a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”

“Someone needs to be punished for this,” Weinstein demanded to Fox News.  “Until the Air Force or Army or Navy or Marine Corps punishes a member of the military for unconstitutional religious proselytizing and oppression, we will never have the ability to stop this horrible, horrendous, dehumanizing behavior.” He compared the act of proselytizing to rape.

“It is a version of being spiritually raped and you are being spiritually raped by fundamentalist Christian religious predators,” he told Fox News.

He said there is a time and a place for those in uniform to share their faith – but he took issues with fundamentalism that he says is causing widespread problems in the military.

Perkins and members of the Family Research Council were stunned that the Pentagon would be taking counsel and advice from the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.

“Why would military leadership be meeting with one of the most rabid atheists in America to discuss religious freedom in the military,” Perkins said. “That’s like consulting with China on how to improve human rights.”

If Weinstein has his way, and apparently he has the attention of military leaders “it threatens to treat service members caught witnessing as enemies of the state.”  “Non-compliance,” the Pentagon suggests, “even from ordained chaplains could result in court-martialing on a case-by-case basis.”

Does this sound like something that should be happening in the United States of America…or Hitler’s Germany?

With all the social, moral, and religious bombardment taking place we need to choose our battles wisely…but for America’s sake let us choose to fight! Apathy is a killer.

The FRC has launched a petition drive urging Defense Sec. Chuck Hagel to protect the religious freedom of troops “and not to proceed with the purge of religion within the ranks called for by anti-Christian activists.”

So This is What Happened to the Country I Love?

Rachel Allison

The nation I love and honor seems to be disintegrating into a place I hardly recognize: The dress standards, the language, the disrespect, the lack of motivation and self-reliance, the “what’s in it for me” mentality, the blatant political partisanship on any and every subject…and in the most recent years the purposeful destruction of innocent lives.  How can we in just five decades evolve from a nation focused on family, God, self-reliance, and a strong moral compass, to a society that is focusing it’s efforts on destroying the family, a government that encourages free handouts, right is called wrong, wrong is called right, and religion is looked at as a crutch for the weak?

I recently read a review of Ross Douthat’s book “Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics.”   Obviously Douthat has more insight and understanding on the subject than I do.  I found his explanation fascinating.

Douthat, now a New York Times columnist contends, “America doesn’t suffer from excessive or insufficient religion, but from bad religion that exacerbates rather than heals our sociopolitical ills.” Douthat writes that the “slow-motion collapse of traditional Christianity and the rise of a variety of destructive pseudo-Christianities” have been disastrous for the nation.

Where Religious conviction used to include commitment to the Trinity…, the Ten Commandments, a “rejection of violence,” a “deep suspicion of worldly wealth and power,” and a “stress on chastity,” many in our society have found that heresy is simpler and much easier to live. If it feels right to the individual, then it is right. Moral demands are irrelevant.

Douthat writes about the years following World War II and the horror of the Holocaust.  These historical events exposed the weaknesses of secular humanism. True humanism, the nation saw, “needed to be grounded in something higher than a purely material account of the universe, and in something more compelling than the hope of a secular utopia.”  Only religious premises could adequately support and give understanding to “basic liberal concepts like equality and human rights.” As a result, there was at mid-century a revival of robust Christianity. Church attendance was up, clergy were held in high esteem, religious schools, hospitals and churches were constructed at record paces. Even popular culture was onboard, with movies like Ben Hur and The Ten Commandments.

Douthat focuses on four key figures who embody this spirit—Reinhold Niebuhr, Billy Graham, Fulton Sheen, and Martin Luther King, Jr.—”a Protestant intellectual, an Evangelical preacher, a Catholic bishop, and an African-American prophet.” Each leader had both a distinct community and the nationally respected authority to promote models of Christian orthodoxy for the modern world. The result, Douthat argues, is that “both institutionally and intellectually, American Christianity at midcentury offered believers a relatively secure position from which to engage with society as a whole.”

All of that fell apart in the 1960s and ’70s. Church membership peaked, and then rapidly declined. Douthat identifies five causes for the institutional collapse:

“1.  Political polarization (first Vietnam, then abortion, now everything),

2.  The sexual revolution (“a large swath of America decided that two millennia of Christian teaching on marriage and sexuality were simply out of date”),

3. An increasingly global perspective (multiculturalism leading to relativism and then indifference),

4. Ever-growing wealth (a prosperous people rely less on God, and religious vocations become less appealing),

5. A new class divide (elites showering scorn on traditional religion).”

Churches tried their best to accommodate this new trend of thinking by making Christianity relevant by eliminating its unfashionable ethics and values. Predictably, churches accommodating the world had less to offer it, and people stopped seeing the point of attending.

Douthat explains that one influence that the “modern thinker” bought into was Elizabeth Gilbert’s beliefs published in her book Eat, Pray, Love.  Her book peddles the “God Within” theology: “God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are.”  Douthat notes, “trying to remake ourselves “in the image of God” this is not. Why search for God in ancient texts when he is really inside each of us?”

Ironically, this search for happiness from within ends up leaving us “more isolated, lonelier, and more depressed.” Americans pay hundreds of thousands of therapists to listen to us whine about “everyday life problems.”

The God Within certainly doesn’t confine our behavior. The “promptings of one’s inner self aren’t necessarily identical to the promptings of the Holy Spirit,” Douthat writes. “Sometimes the God Within isn’t God at all, but just the ego or the libido, using spirituality as a convenient gloss for its own desires and impulses.” How sad when a society thinks that the only commandment we should adhere to is “Don’t be a jerk.”

The end result:

“A nation of narcissists turns out to be a nation of gamblers and speculators, gluttons and gym obsessives, pornographers and Ponzi schemers, in which household debt rises alongside public debt, and bankers and pensioners and automakers and unions all compete to empty the public trough.”

Douthat suggests four reasons for hope:

“1. The rootlessness of our postmodern age will finally motivate a return to Christian orthodoxy’s satisfying account of human origins and destiny;

2. Our culture’s corruption will accelerate the growth of communities of virtue;

3. The flame of faith will fan out from the increasingly Christian global South;

4. The new millennium’s various crises may well revive faith, as the ravages of war did before.”

All this, Ross Douthat insists, will require a faith that is “political without being partisan,” “ecumenical but also confessional,” “moralistic but also holistic,” and “oriented toward sanctity and beauty.” As Douthat pleads, “only sanctity can justify Christianity’s existence; only sanctity can make the case for faith; only sanctity, or the hope thereof, can ultimately redeem the world.”

WHAT IS A MOTHER?

Maddi Gillel

“Mothers are patient souls.  You Mother, in particular, must have been a blue ribbons patience winner when you were young.  How else could she have raised such a one as you?  Patience alone couldn’t have done it; it took many cubic miles of love and lucky for you (lucky for all of us) that a mother’s heart is as boundless as the universe itself.  Anyone else would have scrubbed our ears, dressed us in our Sunday best, and sent us packing to the nearest orphan’s home after the first two or three years of trying to convert a small savage into a civilized boy or girl.

When we were little, Mother was everything to us – the police department, the board of education, the department of public works, the recreation commission, the finance department, the court of correction.  She was a busy person. The only reason she wasn’t driven out of her mind is because she was a mother with the leadership of Moses, the courage of Daniel, and the patience of Job.

All mothers are beautiful when they are young – remember?  Then as the years turn into decades, Mother meets another man besides Dad and this man is Old Father Time.  Her fresh beauty changes after she and Old Father Time get to be good friends.  There are little cut lines on her thumb made by the paring knife and the winter winds roughen her cheeks when she hangs out the clothes.  She doesn’t carry the grocery bags so jauntily as when you were skipping along by her side.  And her eyes, once dancing, are tired because they have seen so many, many things.  Then one day, Mother looks in the mirror and says to herself, “I am no longer pretty,” and it is a sad and lonely day.  Mother is seldom wrong, but she was wrong that time.  The beauty of mothers is as indestructible as Faith, Hope, and Love because mothers are all these things and a very great deal more.

When the years roll on and the children scatter to the faraway places of the earth, mother’s job is done.  Her little ones have become young men and women, for better or for worse, and there is nothing left that she possibly can do.  Now she can sit back and relax and take things easy in the golden autumn of her life.  But does she? No!  Now she has grandchildren to visit, to plan for, to buy for, to make for, to sew for, to knit for, and if she lives long enough she becomes a great-grandmother.  Only then can she stop and rest and spend the remainder of her days just being as beautiful as only great-grandmothers can be.

But whether she be 18 or 80, Mother is an irreplaceable treasure.  None other will ever love you half so well or half so foolishly.   None other will be so sure you are right, good and worthy.  Of course, sometimes she is wrong, but God love her for it and keep her forever in His grace.”

By Alan Beck

Isn’t this how we all feel about our mothers?  My mother was my whole world and now that I am a grandmother, I still think to myself, or say it out loud “ I need to ask mom about that” – or – “I’ll ask mom what she would do.”  What a rare treasure a mother is.

A few years back, I read an article in REAL SIMPLE (magazine) about some women entitled “What makes me feel beautiful?”  There were 3 women with their stories, but only one impressed me deeply.  This author – Kathryn Harrison – stated that what made her feel beautiful was spending time with her kids.  It showed a picture of her with one of her daughters, and I was stunned by how beautiful she looked.  She states,

“The first time it happens, we’re out walking: my little boy holding my left hand, his older sister on my right, and the baby, six weeks old, asleep in her Snugli.  We’re still at the stage when my taking a shower seems like an accomplishment.  I haven’t lost all the weight I gained while pregnant; it’s been months since I had my hair highlighted to preserve the conceit that I remain as blond as I was at 16;  I look like I’m getting as little sleep as I am, and I am wearing a nursing bra – a contraption that, inexplicably, department stores categorize as lingerie.  In short: not a glamorous moment.

 Still, I feel – for the first time in my life – really, truly, I don’t-need-anyone-to-tell-me-so, drop-dead beautiful.  It has taken three children to deliver me to this state, this symmetry of boy on my left, girl on my right, and baby on my breast.  Ridiculous, but as we navigate the sidewalk I feel radiant, as if I were wearing a dress encrusted with precious stones, reflecting the sun’s light.  Wasn’t I supposed to feel this way on the day I married my children’s father?  Photographs suggest I made an attractive bride, but I was so overwhelmed by the momentousness of the occasion that all I felt was scared, not at all sure I was equal to the promises I was about to make.

 Most people would probably cite one of my other achievements before motherhood: I write; I teach; I’m a good wife, a generous friend.  Each of these pursuits is gratifying.  None of them make me feel beautiful. Before children, I used to move down the street like someone who hoped no one would recognize her.  Now, walking by reflective shop windows, I don’t think to check how I look.  I already know.  From this moment on, I never feel more beautiful than when I am with my children. “ (Kathryn Harrison – REAL SIMPLE – August 2009 -p. 144)

 

 

 

 

 

“Lioness at the Gate”

Rachel Allison

As major conferences are held at the United Nations, men and women from all over the world come to New York City to support a particular cause or share their grievances with those who will listen.  Many plan what are called “side events” and these side events are calendared and publicized with the hopes that conference participants will attend.

In 2007 I was attending The Conference, Commission on the Status of Women, and I attended one such side event that was taking place.

Five beautiful women, all from Sweden, had traveled to New York City to ask that their roles as “mother” and their desire to be a “stay-at-home mother” be acknowledged as a meaningful, respectable and even crucial role in society.

Their grievance was that unless Swedish women are working outside the home they are looked down upon as non-contributors of society…even parasites of those willing to work for the betterment of Sweden and its economy.

One woman shared with us the statistics of Sweden’s growth and envied economy.  But she said that the statistics that are not so commonly shared are the statistics of child suicide and the rampant depression in the women who are told that they can and should “do it all.”  …Be a contributing member of society and a woman who can keep a household and family running in organized and top order.   She said that government call centers have been provided for children who are home and feeling depressed.  But these call centers are not statistically diminishing the suicide rate.

As these five young women spoke out about their frustrations and their desire to be considered contributing members of society as they stay home to care for their children, my heart ached for them and the children of such a culture.

In more recent years I spoke with a Swedish woman who did not have the same impression of her country.  She felt that her government did encourage women to stay at home at least during the first years of their children’s lives.  She was an older woman, more a grandmother’s age.  And I wondered where the truth actually lies.

I recently read an article by Julie B. Beck where she referred to a mother’s role as being compared with a “Lioness at the gate of the home….she guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her.”  I have thought about that analogy numberless times, and as I have reflected upon the years when my five active children were in the home, I can see that her comparison is extremely insightful.  My thoughts have turned to the numerous times with each of my children when if I had not been available or vigilant or willing to “snarl and claw” my children could have been “carried away” by the influences that exist to destroy their productive lives.  Anyone having had teenage children will know exactly what I’m talking about…. teenagers living in our society need I lioness standing guard, not a pussy cat, or worse yet a distracted pussy cat.

Those who attended the UN side event were as frustrated with the situation as the five women living it in their home country. The debate and conversation was spirited and supportive of their plight.

At one point I spoke saying, “We can have it all…and we can do it all.  After all, we are women.  However, there is a time and a season to all things.  There is a season for us to get our education and develop talents and skills.  And there is a season to have children and love and support and teach and guide them until they can travel through life on their own.  And there is a time and season for a career and self-indulgence.  But these seasons of our lives do not run concurrently.  Most of the time they come in consequential order and spacing.  That is the only way we can have it all and take care of that which is most important for the season of our lives we are in.  It’s when we try to do things out of season that our efforts are frustrated and we experience failure.”  Neither my thoughts nor words were  original. I do not take credit for them.   They are found in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.  And the entire room erupted in applause and a standing ovation.  The truth rings true to those that “hear.”

 

 

Five Reasons to be a Single Parent? Give me a Break!

Rachel Allison

My children are pretty savvy…at least their mother thinks so.  However, periodically one or another will surprise me with a statement that proves that he’s not as “in the know” as he should be.  By sighting a few statistics or studies, my child has learned to verbally back off the issue until further investigation.

Where is Kerry Zane’s mother? Kerry Zane is an Emmy Award-winning television producer who wrote an article in the Huffington Post entitled “5 Reasons It’s Better to be a Single Parent.”  Unbelievably the Huffington Post published it.  Why unbelievably?  Because any reader who has studied family issues knows that Ms. Zane’s article is totally self serving and full of error. The HP is now the “clock that struck 13,”  casting doubt over all previous and future articles.

Ms. Zane’s reasons?

1.  “I no longer have to negotiate with a husband. “ I now get to make all the decisions “which in the long run is better for [my] offspring’s well-being.”

2.  “Stellar Independent Role Model:” (check out her #4 reason to see if #2 makes any sense at all.) Her daughters can see that she is a “completely whole and independent adult, and they will emulate her healthy behaviors.”  (Again, check out her #4.)

3. “Since society is shifting away from bonds of matrimony,” her children will be “enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle…Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.” (LOL)

4.  “Bed sharing not required:  Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun.  While they constantly have to “spice it up” in the bedroom, the nature of being single and switching partners does all the cooking for us.  We tease, experiment, and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover.  Men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. “ (Uh, is that a two year long-term relationship without wedding bands that can be stronger?  Why did she limit the “hot sex” to two years?  Is that when the guy or gal move on?)

5.  “Building a better body:  Marriages are like your freshman year in college.  You have the tendency to pack on the pounds.  One study found that women could gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping 54 pounds by the ten-year mark, while their single counterparts stay slim.  Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to prospective mates of the opposite sex.  The result of a divorce?  A slimmer, trimmer you—aka the divorce Diet.”  (It’s still all about #4)

Statistics from SingleParentSuccess.org

• In 1995, nearly six of 10 children living with mothers only were near the poverty line. About 45 percent of children raised by divorced mothers and 69 percent by never-married mothers lived in or near poverty, which was $13,003 for a family of three in 1998. Census Brief CENBR/97-1, Bureau of the Census www.census.gov, September 1997.
• 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)
• 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – Investigative Aid)
• 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies…Committee for Economic Development)
• Based on the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) results of married couples’ sexual activities, women generally seem happier with their sex lives than we would think; Although married women have sex less frequently, they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex, than women in dating relationships.

I’m a 60 years old  wife, mother and grandmother. I certainly don’t pretend to be all knowing, but I can see Ms. Zane’s article for what it is… narcissistic, selfish, un-researched nonsense.  What upsets me most is that the HP’s younger readers may actually fall for all her worthless baloney.  Does anyone know Kerry Zane’s mother?

‘Till Death do us Part

Rachel Allison

Because of current circumstances in my life, I have had opportunity to witness seven or eight weddings over the past two weeks. I was actually surprised at how many young couples are getting married.  I thought that marriage was a thing of the past.  But apparently I have been wrong.  Good!  I’m glad I was wrong.  Before pronouncing the marriage vows the officiator has offered advise to the bride and groom.

His counsel:

1.  Communication is a key to a successful marriage.  Together your joys will be doubled, and your sorrows will be divided.  To the bride:  “When your husband gets home each evening, ask about his day…and then listen with your ears and your heart.  Your concern and interest can lighten his load and inspire confidence.”   To the Groom:  “Ask about her day…her ups and her downs.  Be the man she can lean on.  Be the man who willingly takes time to listen to her. And both of you need to know when not to speak.  That too, is an important part of communication…wisely determine when to let emotions calm before voicing your opinions.

2.  Create a budget, and live within that budget.  The only time you should go into debt is for a home, education, or a modest car.  You are at the beginning of your lives.  You don’t need the newest and the best.  Character is built when second-hand is okay while together you work and save and sacrifice for better. You have years to reach your financial goals.  Be patient.  Don’t allow debt to destroy peace and harmony in your marriage.

3.  To the husband:  Take your wife out once a week…just you and her.  Every day she should know how much you love her, but that weekly date is the time when you let her know she is still your sweetheart.  At first you may only be able to afford a walk around the park with an ice cream cone.  But it’s the one on one experience that can reignite the reason why you are here today with a desire to live together as life companions.

To the wife:  Get dressed up for your date with your husband.  Wear his favorite dress…or his favorite jeans.  Fix your hair the way he likes it best.   Make him happy to take you out.  And if for financial reasons it’s only a walk through the park, put your arm through his and let him know that things will get better.  You have confidence in him, the future, and your financial goals.

As the officiator offers this advise the young couples have smiled and nodded their heads in agreement.  It’s easy to agree before life’s challenges come into play.

Understanding how important marriage is to man, woman, and child, I have said a little prayer for each bride and groom.  I pray they will remember the officiator’s counsel.  And I pray they won’t give up on each other and their love.

For thirty-eight years I have experienced the highs and lows of marriage and family.  These experiences have given me a wisdom I didn’t have as a young bride.  Even if the officiator’s advice is accepted and lived, it cannot guarantee that their marriage will weather the storms of life.  But those storms will be less fierce when caring communication, financial peace of mind, and devotion to each other (and none else) are fundamental to that relationship.

Remembering CSW

Rachel Allison

This week is the final week of the “Commission on the Status of Women,” a conference being held at the United Nations in New York City.  United Families International has several volunteers at the UN working to influence pro-life and pro-family language into the outcome documents that will soon become International Law.

As important as this lobbying is, those in our delegation also have opportunity to support women who have come from all over the world to speak to UN delegations concerning their difficult situations at home. Until we hear their stories many of us cannot fathom the situations these good women are experiencing.  In past years I have heard women speak about human slave and sex trafficking.  Their laws and police force do not protect them or their children from such atrocities.   I have heard women talk about watching other women stoned to death without trial or jury.  I have heard women talk about laws that do not protect their 10, 11, and 12 year-old daughters from being bought and subjected to marriage and pregnancy…pregnancy that often causes the unborn baby to die within the womb of the child bride because her body is not mature enough to give birth.

I’m not at CSW (Commission on the Status of Women) this year, but I am trying to read as much as I can about what is happening as they try to direct this year’s focus on eliminating violence against women. I just read an article by someone who is at the conference.  His words brought back vivid memories of needs and concerns that are too often sidelined.

“During the waning days of the conference’s first week and well into this most recent weekend,  I watched and listened as African women discussed and debated the all-important Outcome Document amongst themselves.  Luckily for me, English is their common language and as I sat beside them in the Business Center of our clean but quite modest hotel late into the night on Saturday AND Sunday, I heard their concerns.”

“They are worried about their daughter’s AND son’s education; they want access to potable water in the more remote regions of their respective countries; more doctors, and in keeping with          this year’s conference theme, they want real life-and-death protection for their daughters.”

As I read his article, I was taken back to the years when I attended CSW, and my heart went out to these women who are desperate for help.  I have personally seen women who have to walk miles for potable water.  I have seen the small dark tents where 15+ children huddle to be taught reading and simple arithmetic. I have seen villages whose only “doctor” is a witch doctor who uses the same needle on his patients until it is too dull to be used again.  I have seen mother’s grieve over the loss of a child to dehydration, snakebite, and disease when there was no medicine or help to save.

We who can’t imagine raising a family in such living conditions should count our blessings, and determine that we will give selflessly to strengthen our families, and then support causes that can lift and help the struggling.

Because I have seen what I have seen, and experienced what I have experienced, I cannot, without guilt, spend time on the trivial.  I’m grateful for that guilt.  There are causes too vital not to get involved.  I try to examine my priorities every day. And then I pray like the dickens that my efforts will make a difference.

Children must be Taught…and Taught…and Taught…

Rachel Allison

How many times did I teach my children the same principle? And how many times did I remind them of what was required, and what was expected?  Probably just as often as I was reminded when I was a child and adolescent. Teaching a child correct habits and behavior is paramount to their life success.  Teaching goes with the territory of good parenting. The difficult part is reminding them patiently and without judgment.  Yes, that is definitely the difficult part.

“Be kind.” “Hang up your clothes.” “Go outside to wrestle.” “Do your homework.” “Share.” “Stand up straight.” “Did you floss?” “Get your work done.” “Chew with your mouth closed.”  ”Wipe your feet.” “Close the door.”  ”Make your bed.”….  Does any of this sound familiar?

My husband repeats this couplet quite often to me:

[Children] must be taught as if you’ve taught them not,

And things unknown proposed as things forgot. (Alexander Pope)

We teach and nurture with the hopes that when our children mature and leave home our teachings will follow them out the door?  We can hope and pray so.  But simply because our children turn 18 and go on to college or the military or to their own apartment doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be aware of the occasional teaching opportunities. We need to be aware that at this point of their lives they are being influenced and taught by their roommates, fellow students, professors, bosses and work associates.  These “influencers” may have a completely different set of values and principles guiding their behavior in life.

Because our eighteen to twenty-five year old children are still learning, and they are still learning… our influence is still important.  I’m not advocating  “helicopter parenting,” but the decisions made during that crucial 18-25+ year period will have lasting impact on our children’s futures.  Because they are still our children, we can’t have the mind set, “My work is finished…they are on their own.”  Unfortunately society and the media target the 18-25+ year old audience with much that entices and attracts, but which also misleads and even destroys.

Just last night we received a phone call from one of our adult children that signaled red flags on the near horizon.  Concern kept me awake until well past midnight, so I decided to write a letter to my 30+ year-old son.

Again the couplet spoke to me…

Men must be taught as if you’ve taught them not,

And things unknown proposed as things forgot.

My letter was a reminder to:

Prioritize your life.

Family comes first.

Pride will blur your vision of the most important goals and purposes in your life right now.

Eliminate everything unnecessary that is causing stress.

Don’t run faster than you have strength.

Focus on the most important.

Work to balance your life.

My husband will follow up with a phone call to our son after he has had time to read my letter.  Hopefully my advice will ring true to his core beliefs.  He has been taught these principles, but the difficult situation he is battling has caused him to forget.

I strongly believe that the teachings in the home become an integral part of our children’s lives.  If at some point they become distracted and forget those teachings, eventually they will come back to that grounding given in a loving home.  That belief has given me a lot of hope as I have experienced disappointment with some of my children’s decisions.  It’s more than a responsibility…it’s my duty to love them, encourage them, and continue to council and advise. Good parenting never ends.  The demands change from being physically exhausting to emotionally exhausting, and these precious children are worth it all.

“Second Hand Lions” and The Law of the Harvest

Maddi Gillel

There are 2 parts of the movie “Second Hand Lions” that I want to use as an illustration for this topic.  First, the 3 main characters in the movie have purchased some vegetable seeds from a travelling salesman and have planted them. You now see them dressed in their farmer bib overalls and holding their rakes and shovels working the garden with the plants about 18” in height.  The young boy looks around at all the plants and asks what is growing. One of the men says that over here are tomatoes, over there are peas, and here carrots, etc.  They all three take a look around and see that everything looks the same and it’s all corn. They thought they were planting a variety, but what was growing was something entirely different than what they thought.

The other part of the movie involves the young boy and his mom.  It’s obvious that it’s a sad relationship. She puts her needs and wants ahead of his, and ultimately he finds something that will make him happy and allow her to continue her sowing of wild oats unfettered.

Thus it is in life. We think we’re on the road that we want to be on and that when we get to the end of that road, we will be so happy with the outcome. Maybe we will be and maybe we won’t. It all depends on what we have ‘planted’ all along.

As children, there were various activities we wanted to be involved in, or what our parents wanted us involved in, and some activities went better than others.  Our mom wanted us to all play the piano.  I was the eldest, and she was young and strong and would follow up and make sure I practiced an hour a day. I learned to play the piano well enough that I could enjoy it and accompany singers and other musicians on a regular basis. As the years went by, some of my brothers and sisters took to the piano and some didn’t, and mom was running out of time and energy to follow through with the ones that weren’t taking to it. So to this day, the ones who practiced and worked, can play the piano pretty much in direct proportion to how much they practiced and how much they enjoyed it.

We’ve all had friends, neighbors, or acquaintances who throw caution to the wind as far as their health, education, how they treat others, and their honesty. Twenty years down the line, they have compromised health, no training in providing for themselves, few true friends, and if they don’t have a record with the law, they for sure have few relationships of trust.  We don’t get younger and stronger and better looking through the years.  Blazing through one boy friend/girl  friend after another with no worries about consequences will result in one day waking up and realizing that we’re no longer the belle/beau of the ball and it’s unlikely we’ll get married, and we have no children, and how we wish we had grandchildren. Yep, you planted skunk cabbage, and that’s what you grew.

Most decisions which affect our future are made and prepared for in the first 20-25 years of our lives.  These are crucial years. This is when we are strong, energetic, mentally sharp and when society is the most forgiving and supportive. This is the time we should be learning about principles, work ethic, religion, family relationships, schooling, talents, and developing all of them. The youth who do this, will have built a strong foundation for the future, filled with confidence and preparedness.

If we plant a tomato seed, we will get a tomato. If we plant cucumber seeds, we will get cucumbers.  There are laws of nature and science which we cannot will away or ignore – as our characters in Second Hand Lions found out. They planted all corn seed, and that’s all that grew.

Someone once said ‘the true source of misery and unhappiness in life is trading what we want most, for what we want now.’