Five Reasons to be a Single Parent? Give me a Break!

Rachel Allison

My children are pretty savvy…at least their mother thinks so.  However, periodically one or another will surprise me with a statement that proves that he’s not as “in the know” as he should be.  By sighting a few statistics or studies, my child has learned to verbally back off the issue until further investigation.

Where is Kerry Zane’s mother? Kerry Zane is an Emmy Award-winning television producer who wrote an article in the Huffington Post entitled “5 Reasons It’s Better to be a Single Parent.”  Unbelievably the Huffington Post published it.  Why unbelievably?  Because any reader who has studied family issues knows that Ms. Zane’s article is totally self serving and full of error. The HP is now the “clock that struck 13,”  casting doubt over all previous and future articles.

Ms. Zane’s reasons?

1.  “I no longer have to negotiate with a husband. “ I now get to make all the decisions “which in the long run is better for [my] offspring’s well-being.”

2.  “Stellar Independent Role Model:” (check out her #4 reason to see if #2 makes any sense at all.) Her daughters can see that she is a “completely whole and independent adult, and they will emulate her healthy behaviors.”  (Again, check out her #4.)

3. “Since society is shifting away from bonds of matrimony,” her children will be “enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle…Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.” (LOL)

4.  “Bed sharing not required:  Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun.  While they constantly have to “spice it up” in the bedroom, the nature of being single and switching partners does all the cooking for us.  We tease, experiment, and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover.  Men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. “ (Uh, is that a two year long-term relationship without wedding bands that can be stronger?  Why did she limit the “hot sex” to two years?  Is that when the guy or gal move on?)

5.  “Building a better body:  Marriages are like your freshman year in college.  You have the tendency to pack on the pounds.  One study found that women could gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping 54 pounds by the ten-year mark, while their single counterparts stay slim.  Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to prospective mates of the opposite sex.  The result of a divorce?  A slimmer, trimmer you—aka the divorce Diet.”  (It’s still all about #4)

Statistics from SingleParentSuccess.org

• In 1995, nearly six of 10 children living with mothers only were near the poverty line. About 45 percent of children raised by divorced mothers and 69 percent by never-married mothers lived in or near poverty, which was $13,003 for a family of three in 1998. Census Brief CENBR/97-1, Bureau of the Census www.census.gov, September 1997.
• 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)
• 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – Investigative Aid)
• 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies…Committee for Economic Development)
• Based on the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) results of married couples’ sexual activities, women generally seem happier with their sex lives than we would think; Although married women have sex less frequently, they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex, than women in dating relationships.

I’m a 60 years old  wife, mother and grandmother. I certainly don’t pretend to be all knowing, but I can see Ms. Zane’s article for what it is… narcissistic, selfish, un-researched nonsense.  What upsets me most is that the HP’s younger readers may actually fall for all her worthless baloney.  Does anyone know Kerry Zane’s mother?

The Face Behind the Story

Editor’s note:  Another in a series of articles describing the various “parallel events” at the UN Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) 2013.

by Callan Goodwin

A few weeks ago I was sitting around a table discussing the ethics of abortion with 20 conservative, politically-aware college students. Their arguments against abortion were based on the philosophy of what life is, or theoretical second hand experiences. During the discussion I had a sense of unease with how the discussion was being approached. Everything being said was statistics and personal opinion; there was a lack of humanity in the discussion. Because abortion kills a human before it is even born those who are left alive don’t think to put faces to the lost babies. Abortion becomes less of a human problem and more about how it affects public policy. This approach was what caused my unease in ethics class. On Monday evening I attended a parallel event put on by Real Women of Canada and Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute. That evening I put faces on two survivors of abortion, a raped mother and a child conceived by rape.

Liz Carl was drugged and raped while still in high school, a few weeks later she tested positive for pregnancy. She was frightened, confused, and ashamed. Her friends encouraged her to get an abortion. The night before her appointment a friend looked her in the eye and said, “You know that it is a baby.” Miraculously Liz didn’t wake up in time for her morning appointment. That evening she finally told her mother the whole story and began to receive support and therapy she needed. In the next nine months Liz picked a family to adopt her son so she could stay in contact with her. Today Liz is part of her son’s life and is attending college. According to her, abortion supporter’s arguments are nullified because of her story. She said, “I have never looked and seen my rapist in my son, I have only seen joy.” Liz believes abortion would have been her worst decision because she has found healing from the rape in spending time with her son.

Rebecca Kiessling also gave her story. She was adopted by a loving family and when she was 18 she began to search for her real family. The records of her biological mother’s name were confidential but she was able to obtain information such as health records and a physical description of her mother. But only her father’s height, build and eye color, a description straight from a police log. Eventually Rebecca was able to find her mother, and when they met for the first time her mom told her about the brutal rape she endured and why her mother had decided against aborting Rebecca. When the assault had been committed abortion was still illegal. This saved Rebecca’s life and led to her mother’s healing. According to Rebecca’s mother she, “forgot the rape because she saw her beautiful child.” This mother also found joy in her child, just like Liz.

Rebecca’s story is one of a close call because Roe vs. Wade was past just three months after her birth. If it had been past just a few months earlier Rebecca would have become a statistic that people now use to discuss abortion. Rebecca points out that her mother didn’t choose to save her “the law did.” These women are the human faces to an issue that even conservatives disagree on, is rape a condition to allow abortion. When you look at their faces my qualms were answered.

Callan Goodwin is a senior Government Major at Patrick Henry College in Northern Virginia. One of her interests is international affairs and its impacts on American government policy and society.

The Power of Good Women

by Maddi Gillel

I have noticed in the past few years the power women have for good or evil, depending on the choices they, themselves, make.  I can see that women of all ages have an aura around them of good which influences others for good by lifting, strengthening, building, mentoring, or of evil which destroys, saddens, weakens and discourages others.

There is really no middle ground today.  Women can’t think that they’re not hurting anyone by their choices; that they’re just minding their own business.  To do GOOD, we must be proactive and reach out to help others, encourage others, work with others, including and especially family members, neighbors, etc.

Helping others is seldom convenient, and can involve time and a lot of hard work at times.  The payoff , however, is a deeper love of others, more depth to our souls, and a bettering of our world.

They talk about a woman’s sphere

As though it has a limit.

There’s not a place in earth or heaven,

There’s not a task to mankind given.

There’s not a blessing nor a woe

There’s not a whispered yes or no.

There’s not a life, or death, or birth,

That has a feather’s weight of worth . . .

Without a woman in it.

C.E. Bowman

Someone once observed Mother Theresa holding and comforting a child, and said to her: “With so many children in the world who need help, what does one matter?”

To which Mother Theresa responded, “It matters to this child.”

This has become part of my creed.

Marriage: The Anti-Poverty Weapon

It was all over the news last week: “U.S. poverty heads toward highest level in 50 years.” Other countries around the world, notably Greece and Spain, continue to struggle with insolvency and surging rates of poverty. Economists and other experts point to all sorts of reasons: unemployment, the global recession, strains on government safety nets, globalization, outsourcing, automation…. But I have yet to read anything this week that points to the greatest contributing factor to poverty – the breakdown of marriage and family.

Forgotten in the conversation is the fact that marriage is the strongest anti-poverty weapon that we have! In fact, several years ago the liberal-leaning Brookings Institution pointed out that “the proliferation of single-parent households accounts for virtually all of the increase in child poverty since the early 1970s.” (1)

In 2003, noting the dramatic difference in poverty rates between married-couple families and single mother families, Robert Rector of The Heritage Foundation wondered what would happen if the parents of 3.93 million children living in poverty had married. So using the marriage rates from 1960, he theoretically “married” those parents. The result: instead of 3.93 million children living in poverty, we would have 0.75 million children living in poverty. You can see the details of his analysis here.

Data from the U.S. Census Bureau: A child living with two married parents is more than three times less likely to be living in poverty than a child living with either a single or cohabiting mother, or with both unmarried biological parents. (2)
 

Non-marital childbearing and cohabitation at the center of the problem

Single parent homes are rapidly becoming the norm. As the ranks of the unwed mothers climb (41 percent of all births in the U.S. and over 70 percent in the African-American community), no one seems to dare mention the critical importance of marriage. Even though much is said about the poverty of unwed mothers and their children, there is an extreme reluctance to mention pre-marital sex, non-marital childbearing and cohabitation as a focal point of the problem.

Few want to discuss how, on average, those who live together without the benefit of marriage will see a 58 percent reduction in their lifetime wealth relative to those who are married.(3) [75 percent reduction in wealth for those who never long-term partner or marry at all.] Or, that the poverty rate for children living in cohabiting households is about five times the poverty rate of married couple households [31 percent vs. 6 percent]. (4)

Few are willing to talk about the effects of divorce and its affect on wages and the economic stability of individuals, particularly women and children, nor its impact on family wealth overall.

This much we know and must talk about:

No other social institution has ever provided or will ever provide the same level of benefits as marriage between a man and a woman. Objective studies have consistently shown that man-woman marriage is, among other things, the optimal and most effective means of (1) bearing children; (2) raising children and providing for their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual welfare; (3) transforming males into husbands/fathers and females into wives/mothers; (4) bridging the male-female divide; and (5) channeling healthy sexual activity and discouraging unhealthy sexual activity. (5)

It must be stated repeatedly: strong marriages and families are an essential part of strong and healthy economies.

You and your family are part of the solution

A wise man has said: “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” By the same token, we directly and severely limit our success as individuals and as nations when we neglect the home and don’t see its success as a key to our prosperity!

The loss of human capital that occurs from family breakdown stunts economies in so many ways, but most tragic is the human misery we inflict upon ourselves and upon our children.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Prepare for marriage or work at making your own marriage successful.
2. Have children and put their growth into happy, productive citizens at the center of your busy lives.
3. Recognize that no marriage or family is perfect, but strive to create and model a healthy and successful family.
4. Get educated and speak up. Family capital is a very real thing. Share the message of not only the social and religious importance of marriage and family, but make people aware of the fiscal impact of strong families.
5. If you are just promoting conservative fiscal public policy and not emphasizing the importance of the social issues, then you are missing an important part of the solution.
6. At every opportunity, advocate for traditional marriage and mother-father families. As always we at United Families International welcome and need your support as we strive to do the same.

Finally, stand up for marriage and for free speech on Wednesday, August 1.

By now you may be aware of the incredible intolerance being shown to the fast food business Chick-Fil-A, particularly by the mayors of Boston and Chicago who are threatening to keep Chick-Fil-A from doing business in their cities. Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy supports traditional marriage, so gay advocates and activists have been lining up to castigate and attempt to ruin his business. However Cathy has been undeterred in standing up for man-woman marriage.

Here is your chance to acknowledge and thank Chick-Fil-A for their courage. Be part of a nationwide effort; and on August 1, stop by your local Chick-Fil-A business. You don’t need to bring a sign or make a scene – just purchase something, big or small, or at least walk up to the counter and tell them “thank you.” This will send a message that citizens won’t tolerate this kind of bullying and that the vast majority of people in the U.S. understand the importance of man-woman marriage.

Young people who “get it”

This week we share two different pieces written by college students; one on the topic of divorce which is cleverly titled “No-thought” Divorce and the other on the mistaken belief that cohabitation is a good idea for trial testing marriage.

UFI is pleased to showcase these young adults’ writing and research. In a time when the “twenty-something” age group is not the most avid promoters of marriage and traditional values, it is amazing and gratifying to know that there are young people who “get it.” Thanks to each of the writers and you can see their articles below.

Sincerely,
Carol Soelberg

President, United Families International

The Pitfalls of Cohabitation

The number of U.S. opposite-sex couples cohabiting went from one-half million in 1970 to 7.5 million by the year 2010. The year 2010, alone, saw a 13 percent increase in the cohabitation rate. Currently, 60 percent of all people will have cohabited before marriage and of that 60 percent; only 30 percent will ever end up actually marrying. Now here’s the clincher, those who do marry are subject to an 80 percent increase in their divorce rate compared to those who have never cohabited. Read more …

“No Thought” Divorce

To young couples, divorce serves as a deterrent for marriage. The potential for divorce is frightening couples away from making and keeping marriage commitments. For the 2,077,000 marriages in the United States, divorce is becoming a more prevalent and acceptable option as a way to escape what they deem to be an unsatisfying relationship. Read more …

Footnotes:

(1) Isabel Sawhill, from the liberal-leaning Brookings Institution (Daniel P. Moynihan, “A Dahrendorf Inversion and the Twilight of the Family: The Challenge of the Conference,” in Daniel P. Moynihan, Timothy M. Smeeding and Lee Rainwater, eds., The Future of the Family, (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2004), p.xxi.)

(2) Rose Kreider, “Living Arrangements of Children: 2004,” Current Populations Reports, (U.S. Census Bureau, 2008), table 2, page 6.

(3) Janet Wilmoth and Gregor Koso, “Does Marital History Matter? Marital Status and Wealth Outcomes Among Preretirement Adults,” Journal of Marriage and Family 64 (2002): 254-268.

(4) David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, “Should We Live Together? What Young Couples Need to Know about Cohabitation Before Marriage,” National Marriage Project, (1999).

(5) Monte Neil Stewart, Marriage Facts, 31 Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy 313 (2008).