“Parents, You Cannot Afford to be Tired”

Kristi Kane

Several years ago, I heard a wise man proclaim to an audience of parents, “Parents, you cannot afford to be tired.” His statement surprised me. I asked myself, “What’s he talking about!?  As a parent, I am almost always tired.”   His statement is true though.  Parents never do or should “clock out.” Once they bring a child into their home, they are that child’s parent, 24/7. They are responsible for that child and his/her welfare until the day they die.

As a girl, I always believed that my Mom and Dad would be my parents until I was 18, and then I wouldn’t need them anymore.  Ironically, I needed them not as much, but more, once I turned 18.  Life became more and more challenging and I would often turn to my parents to vent fear or frustration and to seek out their assurance and advice.  I cultivated a deep and trusting relationship with my parents as a young girl because my parents did everything in their power to cultivate a close and trusting relationship with me.

As a young girl, my Mom willingly let me make the worst kind of messes in her kitchen because I wanted to learn to cook. She recognized that it was important for me to learn how to cook, so she would give me tips on cooking and even help me clean up the kitchen once my “experiments” were over. My mother also taught me the importance of keeping things clean and taught me how to clean.  She even coined the phrase, “A clean home is cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.” (To this day, I believe she is 100% correct about that.)

My mother also had what she called “The Star Chart” for my brother and me. If we cleaned our room, or did a special favor (like brushing mom’s hair), or practicing piano for the day, we got a star on our chart. Twenty stars equaled a new game or toy or $10. You wouldn’t believe how many times my brother and I chose a game over the $10.  Monopoly was our favorite. That’s how we spent almost all of our free time – playing games.

My Dad taught me the importance of family time. Even though he worked long hours, he would always make time for our family. We would go up to the mountains, go fishing, go on a picnic, go to our local theater to see a play, or we would simply take a walk or take a bike ride. When I was 12, when the cattiness of girls really starts coming out, my Mom was there to listen to me cry. My Dad would take me on Daddy/Daughter dates. As the years grew, my relationship with them only strengthened. They were loving, devoted examples to me as a child, and now they are loving and devoted examples to me as an adult.

Now I’m the Parent

With my own children I have realized the importance of quality time that often comes only with large amounts of quantity time. When my children were little, they often accompanied me everywhere I went (even the bathroom), the way little ducklings follow the Mother duck. I would listen to hours of their sweet little prattling as I built puzzles or forts with them. I would listen to their slow, steady rhythmic breathing as they fell asleep during story time, and caress their precious fingers and trace the outline of their faces as I kissed them good night just one more time.

Now that my children are older, our relationship has changed. They stopped wanting to follow me into the bathroom years ago, they don’t want me to read children’s books to them anymore, but they crave the affection and attention that my husband and I give them in different ways. They like to talk to us, and I’m glad they do. That’s the only way we know whether they are happy or sad, and the only way we know what’s going on in their lives. We attend their extracurricular activities, and spend one on one time with them. My hope is that once they hit 18, they’ll realize they still need us.

Be at the “crossroads” in the lives of  your children.   Be there when they are making important decisions in their lives or even not so important decisions.   I love being home when my children walk in the door from school. The look on their faces tells me everything I need to know about their day. I love dinner time, when we catch up on the events of the day. Sometimes not all of us are together at dinner, but we are always together at breakfast, and those are cherished memories that I’m glad we’re still making.

Here is a great quote on “Motherhood.”   But as you read it, think “Fathers,” because it certainly applies to them as well!

 “Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.” – David O. McKay

 

 

The TV Trap

Nicole Huckbody & Whitney Trudo

Statistics show that 99 percent of American households have at least one television set in their home, and 66 percent of those homes have three or more television sets.  Statistics go on to show that when four to six year-old children were asked whether they preferred to spend time with a family member or watching TV, over half of the children chose watching TV.

TV Now and Then…

Growing up, free time was considered family time and was spent working side-by-side, playing games, and enjoying talking with one another about the events of everyday life.  Through these interactions and the quality time that was spent together, we were able to build friendships and close bonds with our family members that are still strong to this day.

In contrast, too many children today are spending more time with the television than with those they live with. Oftentimes, the amount of time spent in front of the television is not always determined by the child.   A parent utilizing the TV as a babysitter is all too common.  A TV can be a useful tool, but it shouldn’t take the place of an engaged parent.   When children are spending all this time in front of the television instead of interacting with their parents, they aren’t learning important life lessons and strong family relationships are certainly being sacrificed.

TV and Conflict

Television not only takes away from building relationships, but it also hinders and causes conflict within existing relationships. For example, multiple people may want to use the television at the same time resulting in arguments over what show to watch and the duration of viewing time. Also, the noise levels created by the television can prevent important conversations from taking place, take away from personal quiet, reflection time, and cause distractions from daily activities such as chores and homework[i].

TV and Lack of Communication

Poor communication within the family can lead to “…excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving…and weak emotional bonds.”

Sitting down as a family to watch television can “bring you together,” but, individually, each family member’s attention is focused away from the family as a group and is centered instead on the television screen. In general, talking is taboo while watching television. If one were to pose a question or make a statement during a show, those around would instantly hush the individual and insist that he or she wait for a commercial break or the end of the movie to speak.

Communication is a vital component of developing and maintaining relationships between family members. When family members are discouraged from speaking at any time, feelings of rejection can result, and future conversations may never take place because of a fear of others not caring to listen or show interest in what someone has to say.

Studies show that family interactions and relations, daily chores, and other social exchanges or events are the most common activities that suffer as a result of excessive media use[ii].

Building Communication in a Family

Researchers have found a strong connection between communication patterns and relationship satisfaction within a family.  Communication within a family can build bonds of trust, unite family members on common goals, and build self-efficacy.  Family members are more likely to forgive one another and show respect to each other when there is open communication patterns within a family.

The following are ways a family can work on building communication:

• Communicate often: Make and set aside time to spend with your family. Talk over what each family member did during his or her day. Time spent in front of the TV could be swapped for time together around the dinner table.  Don’t waste that time spent traveling in a car or tucking your child into bed; use it to have meaningful conversation.
• Communicate clearly and directly: It’s crucial to speak clearly in order to avoid miscommunication and hurt feelings. This is especially important when working to resolve conflict.  Using “…indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of…emotional bonding between family members.”
• Listen: Communication is a two-way street. When we talk with family members, it is important to listen and seek to understand what the other person is trying to tell us. Listening also shows respect for the other person and makes him or her feel validated and important.
• Remember who you’re talking with: Not all people communicate in the same way. Children talk and understand differently than teens and adults.  Adjust the way we talk to fit the skills of the person we are talking with.

Make it a priority to find ways to have meaningful conversation and truly communicate with your loved ones. It has to be a priority or it probably won’t happen.

Conclusion

On average, Americans watch more than 4 hours of TV every day. According to that statistic, if one were to look at the life of a 65-year-old, he would have spent around nine years of his life up to that point in front of the TV! Today we live in a society that is full of distractions, don’t add more by allowing the TV to consume large blocks of your time. Television viewing can create conflict, and takes away quality time that could be spent with loved ones.

Urie Bronfenbrenner, a family scientist, once stated, “The family is the most powerful, the most humane, and by far the most economical system known for building competence and character.” As families, let us strive to work together to build these kind of relationships with each other through positive communication and quality time spend together. We need to turn off the TV and cherish the moments we have with those that are around us.

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[i] Rosenblatt, P. C., & Cunningham, M. R. (1976). Television watching and family tensions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 38(1), 105-111.

 

[ii] Chory, R. M., & Banfield, S. (2009). Media dependence and relational maintenance in interpersonal relationships. Communication Reports, 22(1), 41-53.

Whitney Trudo and Trudy Huckbody are both Child Development majors at Brigham Young University Idaho.

 

Not Just Information

Diane Robertson

Just in case the 40% abortion rate in NYC is not high enough for the money-driven abortion industry and Planned Parenthood, New York City Department of Health and Hygiene is promoting a new app on their NYC teen website. The app, available in Apple and Google online stores, will direct teens to abortion facilities, Plan B, Birth Control, LGBTQ services, and STD testing. All this is done in confidence and with the assurance that “parents never need to know.”

Upon opening the app for the first time, the user is assured that “Teens in NYC…have the right to sexual health services without permission from parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, or anyone else.”

The app uses the GPS capabilities on the minor’s phone to guide them to sex-facilities. On the “Where to Go” section, the app finds the teens current location and guides him/her to the nearest “Health Center” where the teen can obtain contraceptives, the morning after pill, plan B, an abortion, or STD testing without parental permission.

The “What to Expect” section on the app features YouTube videos of minors talking about their experiences with sex and “family planning” facilities. All videos use the tagline, “always use a condom and another form of birth control”.

The interest that the NYC department of Health and Hygiene has in promoting and allowing sexual health services and abortions, without parental permission, to minors is money. Planned Parenthood and the abortion industry have a stake in promoting teen sex. Teen sex leads to unwanted pregnancies.  Unwanted pregnancies lead to abortions, and Planned Parenthood gets more money for abortions than anything else. Parents, unlike the government, are the most likely to discourage teenage sex. Parents, unlike the government, are the most likely people to know what their kids can handle and protect them from information and services that they are not mentally and emotionally ready for. Parents are not the bad guys. The bad guy here is the city government that is trying to usurp parental rights and break down the parent child relationship by encouraging minors to get involved sexually while keeping that knowledge secret from their parents. The teen/parent relationship is the most important to the child at this time in their life!

Just in case, one is deceived into believing that this government provided app is there to provide information and help teens where the parents will not, let’s look at some services teens and minors cannot receive without parental permission:

• Vaccinations
• School Field Trips
• Ibuprofen, allergy and asthma medication at school
• Library Cards
• Ear Piercing
• Tanning Beds

And what about all of the things government has made illegal for minors despite parental permission before certain ages:

• Email and Facebook before 13
• A part time job before 15 or 16
• Babysitting for family or neighbors before 12, but at 11 girls can get an abortion without parental permission
• Driver’s License before 16
• Tobacco before 18
• Voter registration before 18
• Alcohol before 21

 

 

Should I Stay or Should I go…

Kristi Kane

During one of the terms of President William Jefferson Clinton, “Character Counts” was the motto of a Boy Scouts of America National Jamboree. President Clinton attended the jamboree, and several of the scouts were seen nudging each other in the ribs and pointing at the motto on the program. They’re not stupid.

Bill Clinton, if you will remember, was rolling in scandal from his days as Governor Clinton of Arkansas. Rumors swirled all around him of infidelity, womanizing, murder, and all that goes with someone who lacks character. Once he was President Clinton, not much changed. His shenanigans with intern Monica Lewinsky, among others I’m sure, showed that he was not a man of strong character. Not the kind I would want in a President of the United States anyway.

This past week, I have received a variety of emails from a variety of organizations telling me what some good alternatives to the Boy Scouts of America program might be now that openly “gay” boys are allowed in the scouting program. I read one letter from a man who is a third generation Boy Scout and Eagle Scout, who is now pulling his membership from the Boy Scouts. I am not surprised at any of this. I knew that if the decision to allow gay scouts was carried, there would be fallout.

Quite frankly though, I am divided as to how I feel about the fallout. Do I believe that the National Board for the Boy Scouts of America made the right decision to allow gay boys into its organization? No, I do not. Do I believe that radical homosexual lobbies will be satisfied over this decision to allow “boys only.” No. Already they are (figuratively) sharpening their knives and preparing for round two. That said, the need seems to be greater than ever these days to help struggling youth, especially boys. I can think of no better boys’ organization in the world that teaches boys the critical importance of leadership, team work, work ethic and goal setting and most importantly, the development of a strong character, like the BSA.

So this is my question, to which I do not have an answer. Do we leave boys to flounder on their own without an organization like the BSA? After one hundred years, do we pack up and go quietly into the night? The thing is, nothing makes me want to dig my heels in more than when someone coerces me or guilts me or especially threatens me into making a decision that I do not agree with, or one they want me to make.  I don’t want to leave boys without direction who need exactly that.

My second question is this, are we underestimating the character strength of our own boys when we pull them from the BSA? Are we afraid that homosexual boys might make them want to be homosexual boys? If homosexual males comprise two percent of the population, would homosexual boys be a real threat to the BSA organization? As I said, I have no answers. For now, I’m going to have to think about it.

The Court of Honor I attended for my 11-year-old son this past Wednesday, has me in no hurry to defect from the scouting program. I saw stalwart boys sitting next to extraordinary parents who all were waiting for their sons to receive a merit badge they had worked hard to acquire. I saw them lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. I’m just not ready for that to end.  But for now, what a quandary I am in. When the day comes that homosexuals are allowed to be scoutmasters (and I’m sure that day is coming), I will be in a quandary no longer, as the BSA will have an even shorter life expectancy than it has now.

 

Is there Entropy in Your Life?

Maggie Gillel

Entropy : a measure of the unavailable energy in a closed thermodynamic system that is also usually considered to be a measure of the system’s disorder;  a process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder;  chaos, disorganization, randomness.

 When I am out and about on my errands throughout the days and weeks, I notice homes, yards, businesses, schools, etc.  I have seen those who are tended to carefully.  Repairs are made, lawns are mown, weeds are kept under control,  trash is picked up.   I have also noticed other establishments where this is not the case.  I have watched as two homes were  built, moved into and life begun therein.  In just a matter of months, it was clear that entropy had taken over:  weeds, trash, unfinished landscaping, unfinished parts of the house, broken windows.  It was not because of a lack of financing, it was a lack of priorities and caring. I have neighbors who are not wealthy, but they carefully tend to their property.

What about our lives?  Are they cluttered with ‘weeds’ – (lies, dishonesty, immorality, laziness) ‘unfinished landscaping’ – (drifting through life, no direction, crime, no education) – ‘trash’ – (unkempt, dirty, odorous, mean, angry, life of crime) ‘unfinished parts of the house’ – (little care or regard for others, uses others, no self-respect, no care about self-improvement,  no family by choice, contributes only negatively to society).

It does make a difference the choices we make each and every minute, hour, and day of our lives.  We are either fighting entropy by building and growing the good in our lives, or we are losing the battle with entropy by taking the course of least resistance and letting others take care of us in one way or another.

Making good choices continually will determine whether people admire and respect us and want to be with us (and we have self-respect ourselves),  OR whether anyone cares about us ever – least of all ourselves.   Choices have consequences.  We can’t have it both ways. Entropy is always lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to take over.

 

The Way We Speak to Our Children…

Aubrey Wood & Kirstie Steel

Many of us would be appalled if we were in a grocery store and watched as a parent smacked the back of their child’s head for the offense of reaching for a box of cookies the parent had just denied.  But how many of us would feel the same level of horror if we saw that parent hiss at their child that he or she was being bad, “just like always?”  Though no physical harm came to the child, such belittling is abuse.  Abuse is defined as anything that is harmful, injurious, or offensive.   Verbal abuse can include swearing, threats, insults, bullying, and/or name calling.

The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is not nearly as true as we might want to believe.  Although, in the scenarios we are focusing on, there is not physical harm or danger associated with the words, they carry just as much negative power.  The wounds of a spoken word remain much longer than those of a physical touch.  They can remain with the victims for a long time, and can affect the way they view the world, and themselves.

HelpGuide.org is a non-profit resource designed to help readers resolve a variety of “health challenges.”  One of the topics listed on the website is Child Abuse and Neglect. To help the reader obtain a basic knowledge of this topic, the article lists “Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect.”   The first of the five myths says: “It’s only abuse if it’s violent.”  The article argues this myth by stating: “Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse.  Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.”

Benj Vardigan in his article “Verbal Abuse of Children” gives a list of the types of verbal abuse – some of them we might not even think of as being abusive:

1. “Name-calling, belittling, swearing, and insulting.”  Whether these types of criticisms are indirect or intentional, direct or not, they are harmful.
2. “Rejecting or threatening with abandonment.”  A parent’s love should be unconditional, and the child should know that it is.  They should never be threatened with the possibility, no matter how probable, of the love being withdrawn.
3. “Threatening bodily harm” is another listed type of verbal abuse.  Even if the parent never intends to follow through with this threat, it can create a relationship of fear and distrust.  This fear and distrust are not momentary—the child will not “get over it” after the threat has diminished.  It will reappear in the child’s life, and will forever be a stain on the relationship.
4. “Scapegoating or blaming.”  If children are constantly blamed for the things that go wrong, they will begin to truly believe that they are the root of the problem, and that they deserve any negative thing which happens to them.
5. “Using sarcasm” is also included on the list.  While the person using such a tactic may think that they are letting out their frustrations or anger in a way that the child will not understand, that is not the case.  Children, though they may not fully understand the sarcasm, are perceptive enough to know that they are being demeaned and treated unkindly.
6. “Berating your spouse.”  Children who see their parents verbally abusing one another are more likely to be anxious, depressed, and experience more interpersonal problems of their own.  Surprisingly, verbal aggression between parents is more traumatic to children than physical violence among parents.

The effects of verbal abuse are not just harmful in the moment, but can have longer-lasting effects, which can both linger and reappear later in life.  About 30 percent of abused and neglected children will later abuse and/or neglect their own children.  About 80 percent of children who were abused, in any manner, when they reached the age of 21 were tested and met the criteria for at least one psychological disorder.

According to a study done by Florida State University researchers, “people who were verbally abused had 1.6 times as many symptoms of depression and anxiety as those who had not been verbally abused and were twice as likely to have suffered a mood or anxiety disorder over their lifetime.” A child who is the victim of verbal abuse can also be susceptible to having a more negative self-image, become more prone to committing self-destructive acts (such as cutting), antisocial behavior, and delayed development.

Regardless of what our relationship may be with the family, Preventchildabuse.org states that to help those who are struggling with verbal abuse (on both the receiving and the administrating end), we can “Be a friend to a parent you know.”  Verbal abuse may likely come because the adult is feeling overwhelmed or stressed in their care for the child.  If the parents feel that they have a connection within the community, someone who they may depend and rely on, it could take some of the burden off their shoulders, and allow them to feel more at ease with their children, and better able to care for them.

Peggy O’Mara, editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine and author of the book Natural Family Living, has said “The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.”  As parents, leaders, teachers, or any adult who has stewardship over a child, we carry much more power and influence than we might be aware of.  For a child who is verbally abused, they will begin to associate the bad things that happen in their lives with the “truth” in the voice of a trusted adult that drifts back to them, saying how “bad,” “stupid,” or “worthless” they are.

Children depend on us to lead them, teach them, and guide them.  We show them the world—they will see it in the color that we paint it.   The way they view themselves is largely a result of what we tell them they are.

Kirstie Steel and Aubrey Wood are both students at Brigham Young University-Idaho and are interested in Family and Child Advocacy.

The Dropout epidemic

Kristi Kane

My daughter who is graduating from high school this month announced to me that many of her friends are not. Tonight my husband and I took our boys and their friends to a movie and saw one of our girls’ friends. She works at the theater. She had played junior varsity soccer with one of my girls and ran track with the other. I asked what she was doing. “I’m not sure. I got my GED, and I’m just figuring things out.” What the heck?!

Since when did high school graduation  become an option? It is an option for so many high school students these days that I can’t help but worry for their future. They have no desire to do anything. They’re content to stay home and play hours of video games or stick with a minimum hour wage paying job and live with Mom and Dad for the rest of their lives. One of my daughter’s friends who is also not going to graduate, lives with her mother who gives her a $200/week allowance. This same girl has no job, doesn’t want a job, swears at her mother, does no chores around the house to help her mother, and just recently used her allowance to get a couple of tattoos. Are you afraid for the welfare of the next generation? I am.

Suzanne W. Morse, President of Pew Partnership for Civic Change and Founder of Learning to Finish says this:

 “Despite repeated assertions on the part of leaders in all sectors about the importance of addressing the dropout situation, the problem today is more acute than ever. Recent reports indicate that nationally about one-third of all students who enter high school do not graduate on time if ever. Some 2,500 students leave high school every day.

For the one million or so students who drop out each year, the prospects are dire. For the communities in which they live, the dropout rate is very bad news indeed. Each year, the toll of lost wages, taxes and productivity that can be attributed to dropouts comes to more than $200 billion for the nation as a whole. That does not take into account the fact that more than two-thirds of the inmates in state prisons are school dropouts.”

I realize that not all high school students are like this. In my neighborhood, there are also kids who are beginning college as sophomores because they have taken AP classes and have successfully passed their AP tests. Some even have scholarships. However, the ratio of kids who are going to college weighed against those who are not even graduating high school is alarmingly low.

For many of my daughter’s friends, they haven’t seen their own parents graduate and so for them, they don’t care if they graduate or not. Some kids get pregnant, and drop out. Others say they flat out do not like school and don’t get along with their teachers or peers. Others feel the need to drop out and obtain minimum wage paying work to help out with the bills at home. On the other hand, some of this makes me wonder if parents are part of the problem. Are we doing too much for our kids and not giving them the drive to leave home to pursue a good-paying job by way of a college education or trade school? What is it that is making these kids so apathetic towards education?

The National Dropout Prevention Center/Network lists five reasons to stay in school:

1. High school dropouts are four times as likely to be unemployed as those who have completed four or more years of college;
2. Graduating from high school will determine how well you live for the next 50 years of your life. High school graduates earn $143 more per week than high school dropouts. College graduates earn $336 more per week than high school graduates ($479 more per week than high school dropouts);
3. Dropouts are more likely to apply for and receive public assistance than graduates of high school;
4. Dropouts comprise a disproportionate percentage of the nation’s prison and death row inmates. 82% of prisoners in America are high school dropouts;
5. School districts all over the country provide alternative programs for students who are not successful in the usual school setting.

If only these kids could see 20 years down the road to what their life would be like both with and without education. They would definitely see that long-term, education is the easier and better choice.

Guys having Sex: So What?

Rebecca Mallory

Many girls ask the question, “What are the legal downsides to a guy having sex before marriage?”

While legality is certainly a concern, the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of premarital sex are as serious and can be even more damaging.  Girls definitely take the biggest consequential hit for having sex before marriage. If pregnancy ensues, she has life-changing choices to make, whereas a boy can just walk away. Or can he? Attempting to leave the moral and spiritual aspect out of the equation, let’s take a look at the reality of what frequently takes place in the aftermath of premarital sex.

Much of today’s culture tells us that having sex is OK. In fact, you’re considered weird or old-fashioned unless you’ve had sex with several partners before you get married. Reality TV and big screen movies paint most sexual encounters as exciting, normal, romantic, safe and without a care in the world. “Kicking the tires” lets you discover if you are sexually compatible, right?  Not true according to counselors, psychologists and professionals who treat both boys and girls for the unintended consequences of premarital sex. Remember your first heart-wrenching breakup with a boy or girl? Now add the emotional roller coaster of a sexual relationship and it’s almost like a mini divorce. Powerful and emotional feelings are dissolved and replaced with distrust and despondency that can last a lifetime.

Even though a contraceptive device may have been used to protect against pregnancy, these devices cannot protect the heart. Most people who engage in sex before marriage report a real sense of guilt and shame. Many professionals who promote birth control will never tell you about the heartbreak and guilt associated with premarital sex. Virginity can only be given away once.  When the heart is assaulted, defense mechanisms are automatically triggered that make trust a real issue in future relationships. Sex is one of the most powerful forces we humans experience. It can create or it can destroy.  It can bond a marriage relationship with deep devotion and true love, or it can leave lasting shameful images which ultimately destroys futures. “But what if we truly love each and plan on marrying later?” This makes little difference. Studies show that much of the excitement about illicit sex before marriage distorts the sweetness of the sexual relationship after marriage. Premarital sex can offer instant gratification, but each encounter robs a boy of the care and devoted tenderness that should have been saved for his future bride. But hey… if he doesn’t care enough about the girl he’s with, the more he does it, the less he’ll care, the more callused he’ll become. So what, right?

The more partners, the more frequent the encounters, the more devastating the results. Physical consequences of premarital sex are numerous and frightening.  Over 50% of people suffering with AIDS today are between the ages of 15 and 24.The younger a person engages in sex, the more susceptible they are to STD’s. They are also more easily spread through multiple partners and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, the only real protection and guarantee against STD’s is abstinence.  Sexually transmitted diseases are easy to prevent, but difficult to treat. Most are hard to detect and have no negative side effects for long periods of time.  Many people naively assume that STD’s are spread only through sexual intercourse. Wrong. They are spread through anal and oral sex or as innocently as skin-on-skin contact where an area has been affected. So someone unaware that he/she has an STD may continue to have sex with several different partners before a devastating disease is discovered.

How many people have now been affected? And where did it originate? Hard to tell. And get this. Professionals suggest that before you engage in sex, you and your partner go to the local clinic and get tested first. Sounds romantic, huh? Wonder what the statistics and success of that fun suggestion reveal? Not so great, according to numerous websites which is why sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Why are STD’s still an issue in today’s world? Why haven’t they been wiped out with modern-day antibiotics, etc? According to Dr. Alan Christianson, because the organisms mutate and become an entirely new strain. “It’s a battle we cannot win,” he laments. He talks about a frightening “Super bug” for which doctors have no cure. This bug literally kills half the people it infects and there’s nothing to effectively treat it.

  “This might be a lot worse than AIDS in the short run because the bacteria is more aggressive and will affect more  people quickly,” said Alan Christianson, a doctor of naturopathic medicine. Even though nearly 30 million people have died from AIDS related causes worldwide, Christianson believes the effect of the gonorrhea bacteria is more direct. “Getting gonorrhea from this strain might put someone into septic shock and death in a matter of days,” Christianson said. “This is very dangerous.”

Sexually transmitted diseases are not only embarrassing and difficult to treat, but may lead to sterility or worse. Unintended pregnancies can lead to abortion, illegitimate children, and/or serious legal consequences. One young man, after a wild night of sex with a girl whose name he could barely recall, was informed two months later by her attorney that she was indeed pregnant and that he would be legally bound to financially support their child for the next 18 years. He must report his address, and income status to the court each month so that they can assess and collect child support if he somehow “forgets” about his obligations to that fun little one night stand. “Deadbeat dads” are hunted down and often prosecuted with felony charges.

Studies show that premarital sex affects social, academic and psychological development.  Family and friend relationships suffer as well as grades in school. Regardless of times have changed thinking, teens are generally too immature to handle the emotions and other consequences of the explosive sex drive that then tends to abnormally  dominate their lives and consumes all other normal emotions that they should be experiencing from sports, hanging out with friends, school activities, etc.

Let’s just be honest, guys. You’re being targeted by powerful advertisers because of crazy hormones and vulnerable changes in your bodies. Sex is big business and those purveyors don’t give a hoot about you, your future, or who you hurt… even yourself. They care about one thing; the almighty dollar. And the more they can squeeze from you, the better. They will tell you that it’s all good, that morals are a thing of the past; that remaining a virgin until marriage is weird or naive. Those are lies, plain and simple.

Yes, sex is a powerful force for good but must be harnessed and saved for marriage. I guarantee, as will any other parent, counselor or psychologist who truly cares about your well- being, that your joy will be full and your sexual relationship will be sweet and satisfying as it strengthens mutual devotion to your spouse if you practice self-restraint now and stay away from the lies and deceit of those who would tell you otherwise.

To see some of the implications of young women involved in premarital sex, go here.

“An Orderly Way of Life”

Maddie Gillel

 “Teach your child an orderly way of life; it will be to his great advantage.  It’s not too early to start when your baby is born”, counseled a wise, experienced registered nurse as she spoke to a group of women, including me, attending a prenatal class.  “To do so,” she encouraged, “establish a set time for your baby’s bath each day.  It doesn’t matter what time, just so you’re consistent in bathing him at the same time each day. A baby’s bath is the most dramatic event of his day and therefore the baby will tend to regulate his young life, which consists mainly of eating and sleeping, around the bath experience.’

Feed the baby every 3-5 hours during the day (don’t wake the baby to feed him).  The baby will soon settle in to a routine that will benefit both of you – happy baby, happy mom.  He is already benefiting from an orderly way of life and so are you.”     (D. Hoole “Now is the Time to Teach Your Child an Orderly Way of Life”)

Ms. Hoole goes on to list more suggestions in raising children in an orderly environment:

1-    Establish routines – as the child matures, it’s important to establish a routine, or structure, through consistent eating, napping, and sleeping times.  Just as with the baby, a reasonable schedule makes a cooperative, obedient child.  It’s certainly unfair and terribly unkind to scold or punish a child for misbehaving when actually he’s just hungry or tired.  There is motivation in routines because the plan carries you.

2-     Be consistent – there is power and strength in consistency.  If, on occasion, you fail to be consistent, it is important to admit it and apologize to your children, promising to try harder in the future.  It’s better to acknowledge a failure than to pretend nothing went wrong.

3-   Set your child up for success – After establishing routines, the next step is to set your child up for success.  If it’s easy and convenient, they’re more likely to keep order. Toddlers and pre-schoolers thrive on ‘helping’ you by fetching items and returning them, and they can perform these little tasks well if things are in their place.  In fact, they are glad to know that everything has a ‘home’ and they’re quick to put items back in their places.  It’s when things are misplaced that children become frustrated and lose interest in helping.

4-   Instill good habits – No eating except in designated places – A place for everything and everything in its place – Pick up is part of play  – De-junk – Work smart, not just hard; preventing messes, accidents, and planning ahead can make for more order – Put the house to bed before you go to bed; an ounce of evening can be worth a pound of morning.

5-   Help your child see the rewards, both short and long term. An orderly way of life frees your child from hassle and frustration so he can make the most of his skills and talents. The habits of order and organization are transferable to any walk of life and can bring about opportunities for success. Mostly, however, the benefits and blessings of an orderly life are intrinsic such as feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and even joy.

Mothers, don’t give up.  Plant the seed, develop the root, and someday you’ll see “fruit.”

Prayer for a Tired, Irritable Parent
(From Dear Abby)

Healthy children make lots of noise.  They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bang things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, they make lots of noise.

They play loud.  God, bless my healthy children.

Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise.Give me new understanding – understanding that doesn’t crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity.

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

”Cleanliness, neatness, and order do not guarantee happiness, but happiness is almost impossible amidst dirt,  disorder, and confusion.”   – H. B. Lee

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in him.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I learned most of life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you though I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.         -Anonymous

 

Mothers: Influencers Extraordinaire

Rachel Allison

I recently read the following:

I am totally convinced that once a woman has borne a child, she owes that child herself more than anything else in the first five years of his life…

I fear that raising emotion-starved and love-starved children can produce calloused, robotized adults—people who follow the group in straight lines and do exactly what everyone else is doing, because someone has said it is time.

I fear for the working mother who is deluded to believe that some kind, patient woman will tend to her child’s emotional needs until she can take over, that someone else will see that her child discovers he is unique, until she can pick him up at the end of the day—when she is perhaps so tired that the best he can hope to hear is, “It’s time to go to bed.”

I fear for the future of the child whose hunger for love and recognition must be satisfied in large groups.  I beg mothers to wake up, to experience the precious dawning of their child’s life with him.  Evening comes quickly—but the evening may be too late.”  Rita Chapman of Dallas, Texas as quoted in Blueprints for Living

As I read these words my first thoughts were, “Wow!  That’s strong medicine!” But hearing the news, and observing the heartbreak that is taking place in homes and families, I think that we all need a dose of strong medicine.  We may not like it, but if it helps to heal, we should do all we can to make appropriate change.

One of the speakers at church this past Sunday paid tribute to her mother.  Because her father was diagnosed at an early age with an extremely debilitating disease, her mother stepped up to not only provide the income, but she chose to work a night job so that she could be at home with her children when they needed her presence and watchful care. This little family was far from affluent.  In fact financially they were considered poor. But I know six of the children who grew up under the watchful eye of that mother.  They are well-adjusted, good, fun, talented, hard-working individuals and they adore their mother and each other.  What a blessing one selfless woman can be in the lives of her children. What a blessing her choices have been to the community where her children choose to settle.

Unfortunately, we are seeing mothers have to choose between their children and a myriad of interests, activities, and opportunities that promote their own fun, pride, and sense of fulfillment.  Our society is experiencing the results of children whose lives and care have been put on the back burner of their mother’s priorities… Years ago my son brought this poem home from school. I have never forgotten its message.  It has helped me determine where to spend my time, and where to give my heart.

             Mother

She laughs my laughter

Sheds my tears

Returns my love,

Fears my fears.

She lives my joys,

Cares my cares,

And all my hopes and dreams she shares.