Is there Entropy in Your Life?

Maggie Gillel

Entropy : a measure of the unavailable energy in a closed thermodynamic system that is also usually considered to be a measure of the system’s disorder;  a process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder;  chaos, disorganization, randomness.

 When I am out and about on my errands throughout the days and weeks, I notice homes, yards, businesses, schools, etc.  I have seen those who are tended to carefully.  Repairs are made, lawns are mown, weeds are kept under control,  trash is picked up.   I have also noticed other establishments where this is not the case.  I have watched as two homes were  built, moved into and life begun therein.  In just a matter of months, it was clear that entropy had taken over:  weeds, trash, unfinished landscaping, unfinished parts of the house, broken windows.  It was not because of a lack of financing, it was a lack of priorities and caring. I have neighbors who are not wealthy, but they carefully tend to their property.

What about our lives?  Are they cluttered with ‘weeds’ – (lies, dishonesty, immorality, laziness) ‘unfinished landscaping’ – (drifting through life, no direction, crime, no education) – ‘trash’ – (unkempt, dirty, odorous, mean, angry, life of crime) ‘unfinished parts of the house’ – (little care or regard for others, uses others, no self-respect, no care about self-improvement,  no family by choice, contributes only negatively to society).

It does make a difference the choices we make each and every minute, hour, and day of our lives.  We are either fighting entropy by building and growing the good in our lives, or we are losing the battle with entropy by taking the course of least resistance and letting others take care of us in one way or another.

Making good choices continually will determine whether people admire and respect us and want to be with us (and we have self-respect ourselves),  OR whether anyone cares about us ever – least of all ourselves.   Choices have consequences.  We can’t have it both ways. Entropy is always lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to take over.

 

Proselytizing compared to rape? Really?

Rachel Allison

There are bombs going off on more fronts than I can name.  The attacks are relentless and escalating.

Abortion—Now the truth is coming out about the “safety” and “compassion” of abortion clinics.  And we thought the supposed “back-alley abortions” were bad?

Euthanasia—being legalized and accepted as “killing with compassion.”

Marriage—If the Supreme Court redefines marriage, marriage, completely severed from its original purpose, might never pull out of its death spiral.  Religious freedom and rights of conscience will be severely compromised.

Educational decline—we have all witnessed its decline, and with Common Core being rammed through at break-neck speed, it will continue to be an agenda driven program run by non-elected federal agencies.

And there’s so much more…

What’s most alarming, a majority of the people seem to be totally unaware and even apathetic to the bombardment.

The most recent bombshell: Court marshals for those who proselyte  in the military.

I quote Bethany Monk from CitizenLink

The Pentagon has released a statement, confirming its policy that would punish service members who share their religious beliefs.

That follows a private meeting last week between Mikey Weinstein, president of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) and the Pentagon. Weinstein said military personnel who proselytize are guilty of sedition and “treason.” He said they should be punished to quell a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”  

“If this policy goes forward, Christians within the military who speak their faith could now be prosecuted as enemies of the states,” according to the Family Research Council. “This has potential to destroy military recruiting across the services as Americans realize that their faith will be suppressed by joining the military. Our brave troops deserve better. If chaplains and other personnel are censored from offering the full solace of the Gospel, there is not religious freedom in the military.”

As I have studied this and other relevant reporting it looks like the Department of Defense has had this particular regulation in place prior to Weinstein’s demands.

“Air Force Culture, Air Force Standards,” published on Aug. 7, 2012.

Section 2.11 requires “government neutrality regarding religion.”

“Leaders at all levels must balance constitutional protections for an individual’s free exercise of religion or other personal beliefs and the constitutional prohibition against governmental establishment of religion,” the regulation states.

Military leaders were admonished not to use their position to “promote their personal religious beliefs to their subordinates or to extend preferential treatment for any religion.”

Tony Perkins, President of the Family Research Council has said Weinstein’s hands are all over this work.  I wish I understood better whether MRFF could actually have had imput into the writing of the militaries’ regulations. Weinstein, an avid atheist is now demanding that the DOD start implementing it.

I quote Todd Starnes from Fox News

President Mikey Weinstein and others from his organization met privately with Pentagon officials on April 23. He said U.S. troops who proselytize are guilty of sedition and treason and should be punished – by the hundreds if necessary – to stave off what he called a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”

“Someone needs to be punished for this,” Weinstein demanded to Fox News.  “Until the Air Force or Army or Navy or Marine Corps punishes a member of the military for unconstitutional religious proselytizing and oppression, we will never have the ability to stop this horrible, horrendous, dehumanizing behavior.” He compared the act of proselytizing to rape.

“It is a version of being spiritually raped and you are being spiritually raped by fundamentalist Christian religious predators,” he told Fox News.

He said there is a time and a place for those in uniform to share their faith – but he took issues with fundamentalism that he says is causing widespread problems in the military.

Perkins and members of the Family Research Council were stunned that the Pentagon would be taking counsel and advice from the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.

“Why would military leadership be meeting with one of the most rabid atheists in America to discuss religious freedom in the military,” Perkins said. “That’s like consulting with China on how to improve human rights.”

If Weinstein has his way, and apparently he has the attention of military leaders “it threatens to treat service members caught witnessing as enemies of the state.”  “Non-compliance,” the Pentagon suggests, “even from ordained chaplains could result in court-martialing on a case-by-case basis.”

Does this sound like something that should be happening in the United States of America…or Hitler’s Germany?

With all the social, moral, and religious bombardment taking place we need to choose our battles wisely…but for America’s sake let us choose to fight! Apathy is a killer.

The FRC has launched a petition drive urging Defense Sec. Chuck Hagel to protect the religious freedom of troops “and not to proceed with the purge of religion within the ranks called for by anti-Christian activists.”

So This is What Happened to the Country I Love?

Rachel Allison

The nation I love and honor seems to be disintegrating into a place I hardly recognize: The dress standards, the language, the disrespect, the lack of motivation and self-reliance, the “what’s in it for me” mentality, the blatant political partisanship on any and every subject…and in the most recent years the purposeful destruction of innocent lives.  How can we in just five decades evolve from a nation focused on family, God, self-reliance, and a strong moral compass, to a society that is focusing it’s efforts on destroying the family, a government that encourages free handouts, right is called wrong, wrong is called right, and religion is looked at as a crutch for the weak?

I recently read a review of Ross Douthat’s book “Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics.”   Obviously Douthat has more insight and understanding on the subject than I do.  I found his explanation fascinating.

Douthat, now a New York Times columnist contends, “America doesn’t suffer from excessive or insufficient religion, but from bad religion that exacerbates rather than heals our sociopolitical ills.” Douthat writes that the “slow-motion collapse of traditional Christianity and the rise of a variety of destructive pseudo-Christianities” have been disastrous for the nation.

Where Religious conviction used to include commitment to the Trinity…, the Ten Commandments, a “rejection of violence,” a “deep suspicion of worldly wealth and power,” and a “stress on chastity,” many in our society have found that heresy is simpler and much easier to live. If it feels right to the individual, then it is right. Moral demands are irrelevant.

Douthat writes about the years following World War II and the horror of the Holocaust.  These historical events exposed the weaknesses of secular humanism. True humanism, the nation saw, “needed to be grounded in something higher than a purely material account of the universe, and in something more compelling than the hope of a secular utopia.”  Only religious premises could adequately support and give understanding to “basic liberal concepts like equality and human rights.” As a result, there was at mid-century a revival of robust Christianity. Church attendance was up, clergy were held in high esteem, religious schools, hospitals and churches were constructed at record paces. Even popular culture was onboard, with movies like Ben Hur and The Ten Commandments.

Douthat focuses on four key figures who embody this spirit—Reinhold Niebuhr, Billy Graham, Fulton Sheen, and Martin Luther King, Jr.—”a Protestant intellectual, an Evangelical preacher, a Catholic bishop, and an African-American prophet.” Each leader had both a distinct community and the nationally respected authority to promote models of Christian orthodoxy for the modern world. The result, Douthat argues, is that “both institutionally and intellectually, American Christianity at midcentury offered believers a relatively secure position from which to engage with society as a whole.”

All of that fell apart in the 1960s and ’70s. Church membership peaked, and then rapidly declined. Douthat identifies five causes for the institutional collapse:

“1.  Political polarization (first Vietnam, then abortion, now everything),

2.  The sexual revolution (“a large swath of America decided that two millennia of Christian teaching on marriage and sexuality were simply out of date”),

3. An increasingly global perspective (multiculturalism leading to relativism and then indifference),

4. Ever-growing wealth (a prosperous people rely less on God, and religious vocations become less appealing),

5. A new class divide (elites showering scorn on traditional religion).”

Churches tried their best to accommodate this new trend of thinking by making Christianity relevant by eliminating its unfashionable ethics and values. Predictably, churches accommodating the world had less to offer it, and people stopped seeing the point of attending.

Douthat explains that one influence that the “modern thinker” bought into was Elizabeth Gilbert’s beliefs published in her book Eat, Pray, Love.  Her book peddles the “God Within” theology: “God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are.”  Douthat notes, “trying to remake ourselves “in the image of God” this is not. Why search for God in ancient texts when he is really inside each of us?”

Ironically, this search for happiness from within ends up leaving us “more isolated, lonelier, and more depressed.” Americans pay hundreds of thousands of therapists to listen to us whine about “everyday life problems.”

The God Within certainly doesn’t confine our behavior. The “promptings of one’s inner self aren’t necessarily identical to the promptings of the Holy Spirit,” Douthat writes. “Sometimes the God Within isn’t God at all, but just the ego or the libido, using spirituality as a convenient gloss for its own desires and impulses.” How sad when a society thinks that the only commandment we should adhere to is “Don’t be a jerk.”

The end result:

“A nation of narcissists turns out to be a nation of gamblers and speculators, gluttons and gym obsessives, pornographers and Ponzi schemers, in which household debt rises alongside public debt, and bankers and pensioners and automakers and unions all compete to empty the public trough.”

Douthat suggests four reasons for hope:

“1. The rootlessness of our postmodern age will finally motivate a return to Christian orthodoxy’s satisfying account of human origins and destiny;

2. Our culture’s corruption will accelerate the growth of communities of virtue;

3. The flame of faith will fan out from the increasingly Christian global South;

4. The new millennium’s various crises may well revive faith, as the ravages of war did before.”

All this, Ross Douthat insists, will require a faith that is “political without being partisan,” “ecumenical but also confessional,” “moralistic but also holistic,” and “oriented toward sanctity and beauty.” As Douthat pleads, “only sanctity can justify Christianity’s existence; only sanctity can make the case for faith; only sanctity, or the hope thereof, can ultimately redeem the world.”

What all Girls Should Know before Having Sex

Rachel Allison

Dr. Miriam Grossman, M.D. worked at a campus counseling center for more than 10 years.  The young women who came to her were in crisis. They were “working hard to fulfill their dreams:  a college education, maybe grad school, a great career, and—at some point—a home, husband, and kids.”  But they come to her office in tears because of struggles and setbacks caused by decisions and regrets. “She’s already involved with the wrong guy, or infected with genital warts or herpes.  She’s already lost a great relationship, missed an opportunity, or failed a midterm.  I’m her doctor, but all I can do is sit there, listen, and hand her tissues.”

Dr. Grossman’s book “Unprotected” should be a must read for every teenager in the United States, Canada, England, France…ok, the world. But until parents and youth leaders can get them their must read copy, here are a few things Dr. Grossman has prepared for young women to read before the regrets begin …information young girls should know before sexual intimacy.

1.  Intimacy promotes attachment and trust.

Intimate behavior floods your brain with a chemical that fuels attachment. Cuddling, kissing, and sexual contact release oxytocin, a hormone that announces: “I’m with someone special now. Time to switch love on, and caution off.  When oxytocin levels are high, you’re more likely to overlook your partner’s faults and take risks you otherwise wouldn’t…

When it comes to sex, oxytocin, like alcohol, turns red lights green.  It plays a major role in what’s called “the biochemistry of attachment.”  Because of it, you could develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with you. You might think of him all day, but he can’t remember your name.

2.  Science confirms:  alcohol makes him hot…when he’s not.

Science has confirmed the existence of “beer goggles”—when a person seems more attractive to you after you’ve had a few drinks….Drinking affects the nucleus accumbens, the area of the brain used to determine facial attractiveness.  It’s probably one of several reasons that casual, high-risk sex is often preceded by alcohol consumption.

3.  A hook-up usually leads to regret.

A recent study of  the hook-up culture at Princeton University reveals:  Before the hook-up, girls expect emotional involvement almost twice as often as guys; 34% hope “a relationship might evolve.”  Guys, more than girls, are in part motivated by hopes of improving their social reputation, or of bragging about their exploits to friends the next day.

After the hook-up: 91% of girls admit to having feelings of regret, at least occasionally.  Guilt and ‘feeling used’ are commonly cited, and overall, 80% of girls wish the hook-up hadn’t happened. Other studies have shown: 84% of women said that after having sex a few times, …they begin to feel vulnerable and would at least like to know if the other person cares about them.

As the number of casual sex partners increased, so did signs of depression in college women.  49% of students whose hook-up included intercourse never see one another again, and less than 10% of “friends with benefits” develop into romances.

4.  A younger cervix is more vulnerable to infection.

Your cervix, the entrance to your uterus, has a vulnerable area one cell thick, called the transformation zone. It’s easy for HPV (the human papillomavirus, which can cause genital warts, and even cervical cancer) to settle there. That’s why most teen girls are infected from one of their first sexual partners.  By adulthood the transformation zone is replaced with a thicker, tougher surface.  So it’s wise to delay sexual activity, or, if you’ve already started, to stop.

Even though these infections are common, and usually disappear with time, learning you have one can be devastating. Natural reactions are shock, anger, and confusion. “Who did I get this from, and when? Was he unfaithful? Who should I tell?” and hardest of all: “Who will want me now?”

These concerns can affect your mood, concentration, and sleep.  They can deal a serious blow to your self-esteem…and to your GPA.

The HPV vaccine is a major achievement, but the protection it provides is limited.  You are still vulnerable to other infections like herpes, Chlamydia, HIV, and non-covered strains of HPV.  And of course no vaccine prevents a broken heart.

5.  He may not know he has HPV or herpes.

Most guys who have a sexually transmitted infection don’t know it….it’s easiest to transmit herpes or HPV when warts or sores are present, but it can also happen at other times, when everything looks OK. Condoms only reduce the risk by 60-70%.

6.  The rectum is an exit, not an entrance.

And about those other sexual activities…

Having more than five oral-sex partners has been associated with throat cancer. Turns out that HPV can cause malignant tumors in the throat, just like it does in the cervix.

In a study of sexually active college men, HPV was found both where you’d expect—the genital area—and where you wouldn’t: under fingernails.  Yes, you read that right.  Researchers now speculate whether the virus can be shared during activities considered “safe,” like mutual masturbation.

According to the Centers for disease Control, approximately 30% of all women will have had anal intercourse by the age of 24.  Even with condoms, this behavior places them at increased risk of infection with HIV and other STDs.  For example, the risk of HIV transmission during anal intercourse is at least 20 times higher than with vaginal intercourse.

The government website, www.fda.gov, provides no-nonsense advise about avoiding HIV:  “Condoms provide some protection, but anal intercourse is simply too dangerous to practice.”

The rectum is an exit, not an entrance.  Anal penetration is hazardous.  Don’t do it.

“Young women are bombarded with the message: “Exploring and experimenting—as long as you’re “protected”—can be safe, satisfying, and beneficial.”

“Don’t fall for it.  It’s easy to forget, but the characters on Grey’s Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real.  In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes.  They’d likely be on Prozac or Zoloft.  Today a woman cannot have so many partners with paying a price….We’re fighting a horde of bugs, and the bugs are winning.  It’s no longer enough to communicate with your “partners,” get tested, and use condoms.”

“Any genital contact with another person is a serious matter. A single encounter can have life-long consequences, especially for a woman. That’s not sexist, that’s biology—your biology. Ignorance or denial of this fact will only increase your vulnerability.”

“You’re in control, it’s all in your hands.  The distress that often follows casual sex is 100% preventable.  Life may throw you some curve balls, but STDs, and encounters you’d rather forget, are burdens that you can avoid.”

“Listen to the lesson of hard science:  It’s wise to be very, very careful about who you allow to get intimately close to you.”

Dr. Grossman concludes:  “I believe in you.  And I don’t want to see you in my office.  Now go pursue your dreams.”

This information was taken from the booklet, Sense & Sexuality, prepared by Dr. Miriam Grossman for college coeds.

WHAT IS A MOTHER?

Maddi Gillel

“Mothers are patient souls.  You Mother, in particular, must have been a blue ribbons patience winner when you were young.  How else could she have raised such a one as you?  Patience alone couldn’t have done it; it took many cubic miles of love and lucky for you (lucky for all of us) that a mother’s heart is as boundless as the universe itself.  Anyone else would have scrubbed our ears, dressed us in our Sunday best, and sent us packing to the nearest orphan’s home after the first two or three years of trying to convert a small savage into a civilized boy or girl.

When we were little, Mother was everything to us – the police department, the board of education, the department of public works, the recreation commission, the finance department, the court of correction.  She was a busy person. The only reason she wasn’t driven out of her mind is because she was a mother with the leadership of Moses, the courage of Daniel, and the patience of Job.

All mothers are beautiful when they are young – remember?  Then as the years turn into decades, Mother meets another man besides Dad and this man is Old Father Time.  Her fresh beauty changes after she and Old Father Time get to be good friends.  There are little cut lines on her thumb made by the paring knife and the winter winds roughen her cheeks when she hangs out the clothes.  She doesn’t carry the grocery bags so jauntily as when you were skipping along by her side.  And her eyes, once dancing, are tired because they have seen so many, many things.  Then one day, Mother looks in the mirror and says to herself, “I am no longer pretty,” and it is a sad and lonely day.  Mother is seldom wrong, but she was wrong that time.  The beauty of mothers is as indestructible as Faith, Hope, and Love because mothers are all these things and a very great deal more.

When the years roll on and the children scatter to the faraway places of the earth, mother’s job is done.  Her little ones have become young men and women, for better or for worse, and there is nothing left that she possibly can do.  Now she can sit back and relax and take things easy in the golden autumn of her life.  But does she? No!  Now she has grandchildren to visit, to plan for, to buy for, to make for, to sew for, to knit for, and if she lives long enough she becomes a great-grandmother.  Only then can she stop and rest and spend the remainder of her days just being as beautiful as only great-grandmothers can be.

But whether she be 18 or 80, Mother is an irreplaceable treasure.  None other will ever love you half so well or half so foolishly.   None other will be so sure you are right, good and worthy.  Of course, sometimes she is wrong, but God love her for it and keep her forever in His grace.”

By Alan Beck

Isn’t this how we all feel about our mothers?  My mother was my whole world and now that I am a grandmother, I still think to myself, or say it out loud “ I need to ask mom about that” – or – “I’ll ask mom what she would do.”  What a rare treasure a mother is.

A few years back, I read an article in REAL SIMPLE (magazine) about some women entitled “What makes me feel beautiful?”  There were 3 women with their stories, but only one impressed me deeply.  This author – Kathryn Harrison – stated that what made her feel beautiful was spending time with her kids.  It showed a picture of her with one of her daughters, and I was stunned by how beautiful she looked.  She states,

“The first time it happens, we’re out walking: my little boy holding my left hand, his older sister on my right, and the baby, six weeks old, asleep in her Snugli.  We’re still at the stage when my taking a shower seems like an accomplishment.  I haven’t lost all the weight I gained while pregnant; it’s been months since I had my hair highlighted to preserve the conceit that I remain as blond as I was at 16;  I look like I’m getting as little sleep as I am, and I am wearing a nursing bra – a contraption that, inexplicably, department stores categorize as lingerie.  In short: not a glamorous moment.

 Still, I feel – for the first time in my life – really, truly, I don’t-need-anyone-to-tell-me-so, drop-dead beautiful.  It has taken three children to deliver me to this state, this symmetry of boy on my left, girl on my right, and baby on my breast.  Ridiculous, but as we navigate the sidewalk I feel radiant, as if I were wearing a dress encrusted with precious stones, reflecting the sun’s light.  Wasn’t I supposed to feel this way on the day I married my children’s father?  Photographs suggest I made an attractive bride, but I was so overwhelmed by the momentousness of the occasion that all I felt was scared, not at all sure I was equal to the promises I was about to make.

 Most people would probably cite one of my other achievements before motherhood: I write; I teach; I’m a good wife, a generous friend.  Each of these pursuits is gratifying.  None of them make me feel beautiful. Before children, I used to move down the street like someone who hoped no one would recognize her.  Now, walking by reflective shop windows, I don’t think to check how I look.  I already know.  From this moment on, I never feel more beautiful than when I am with my children. “ (Kathryn Harrison – REAL SIMPLE – August 2009 -p. 144)

 

 

 

 

 

“Lioness at the Gate”

Rachel Allison

As major conferences are held at the United Nations, men and women from all over the world come to New York City to support a particular cause or share their grievances with those who will listen.  Many plan what are called “side events” and these side events are calendared and publicized with the hopes that conference participants will attend.

In 2007 I was attending The Conference, Commission on the Status of Women, and I attended one such side event that was taking place.

Five beautiful women, all from Sweden, had traveled to New York City to ask that their roles as “mother” and their desire to be a “stay-at-home mother” be acknowledged as a meaningful, respectable and even crucial role in society.

Their grievance was that unless Swedish women are working outside the home they are looked down upon as non-contributors of society…even parasites of those willing to work for the betterment of Sweden and its economy.

One woman shared with us the statistics of Sweden’s growth and envied economy.  But she said that the statistics that are not so commonly shared are the statistics of child suicide and the rampant depression in the women who are told that they can and should “do it all.”  …Be a contributing member of society and a woman who can keep a household and family running in organized and top order.   She said that government call centers have been provided for children who are home and feeling depressed.  But these call centers are not statistically diminishing the suicide rate.

As these five young women spoke out about their frustrations and their desire to be considered contributing members of society as they stay home to care for their children, my heart ached for them and the children of such a culture.

In more recent years I spoke with a Swedish woman who did not have the same impression of her country.  She felt that her government did encourage women to stay at home at least during the first years of their children’s lives.  She was an older woman, more a grandmother’s age.  And I wondered where the truth actually lies.

I recently read an article by Julie B. Beck where she referred to a mother’s role as being compared with a “Lioness at the gate of the home….she guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her.”  I have thought about that analogy numberless times, and as I have reflected upon the years when my five active children were in the home, I can see that her comparison is extremely insightful.  My thoughts have turned to the numerous times with each of my children when if I had not been available or vigilant or willing to “snarl and claw” my children could have been “carried away” by the influences that exist to destroy their productive lives.  Anyone having had teenage children will know exactly what I’m talking about…. teenagers living in our society need I lioness standing guard, not a pussy cat, or worse yet a distracted pussy cat.

Those who attended the UN side event were as frustrated with the situation as the five women living it in their home country. The debate and conversation was spirited and supportive of their plight.

At one point I spoke saying, “We can have it all…and we can do it all.  After all, we are women.  However, there is a time and a season to all things.  There is a season for us to get our education and develop talents and skills.  And there is a season to have children and love and support and teach and guide them until they can travel through life on their own.  And there is a time and season for a career and self-indulgence.  But these seasons of our lives do not run concurrently.  Most of the time they come in consequential order and spacing.  That is the only way we can have it all and take care of that which is most important for the season of our lives we are in.  It’s when we try to do things out of season that our efforts are frustrated and we experience failure.”  Neither my thoughts nor words were  original. I do not take credit for them.   They are found in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.  And the entire room erupted in applause and a standing ovation.  The truth rings true to those that “hear.”

 

 

Five Reasons to be a Single Parent? Give me a Break!

Rachel Allison

My children are pretty savvy…at least their mother thinks so.  However, periodically one or another will surprise me with a statement that proves that he’s not as “in the know” as he should be.  By sighting a few statistics or studies, my child has learned to verbally back off the issue until further investigation.

Where is Kerry Zane’s mother? Kerry Zane is an Emmy Award-winning television producer who wrote an article in the Huffington Post entitled “5 Reasons It’s Better to be a Single Parent.”  Unbelievably the Huffington Post published it.  Why unbelievably?  Because any reader who has studied family issues knows that Ms. Zane’s article is totally self serving and full of error. The HP is now the “clock that struck 13,”  casting doubt over all previous and future articles.

Ms. Zane’s reasons?

1.  “I no longer have to negotiate with a husband. “ I now get to make all the decisions “which in the long run is better for [my] offspring’s well-being.”

2.  “Stellar Independent Role Model:” (check out her #4 reason to see if #2 makes any sense at all.) Her daughters can see that she is a “completely whole and independent adult, and they will emulate her healthy behaviors.”  (Again, check out her #4.)

3. “Since society is shifting away from bonds of matrimony,” her children will be “enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle…Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.” (LOL)

4.  “Bed sharing not required:  Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun.  While they constantly have to “spice it up” in the bedroom, the nature of being single and switching partners does all the cooking for us.  We tease, experiment, and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover.  Men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. “ (Uh, is that a two year long-term relationship without wedding bands that can be stronger?  Why did she limit the “hot sex” to two years?  Is that when the guy or gal move on?)

5.  “Building a better body:  Marriages are like your freshman year in college.  You have the tendency to pack on the pounds.  One study found that women could gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping 54 pounds by the ten-year mark, while their single counterparts stay slim.  Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to prospective mates of the opposite sex.  The result of a divorce?  A slimmer, trimmer you—aka the divorce Diet.”  (It’s still all about #4)

Statistics from SingleParentSuccess.org

• In 1995, nearly six of 10 children living with mothers only were near the poverty line. About 45 percent of children raised by divorced mothers and 69 percent by never-married mothers lived in or near poverty, which was $13,003 for a family of three in 1998. Census Brief CENBR/97-1, Bureau of the Census www.census.gov, September 1997.
• 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)
• 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – Investigative Aid)
• 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies…Committee for Economic Development)
• Based on the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) results of married couples’ sexual activities, women generally seem happier with their sex lives than we would think; Although married women have sex less frequently, they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex, than women in dating relationships.

I’m a 60 years old  wife, mother and grandmother. I certainly don’t pretend to be all knowing, but I can see Ms. Zane’s article for what it is… narcissistic, selfish, un-researched nonsense.  What upsets me most is that the HP’s younger readers may actually fall for all her worthless baloney.  Does anyone know Kerry Zane’s mother?

Stand Up and March

Now is the time to stand up and march. It could be that Americans are losing the chance to speak on the importance of traditional marriage. Arrogant laws are tampering with the inalienable  right of children to have both a mother and a father.  Religious freedom may be in trouble.

Kathryn Skaggs at a Well Behaved Mormon Woman Blog wrote:

“It’s almost unimaginable that a single, coherent, and reasonably mature individual in the country, could possibly be unaware that MARRIAGE has made it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, and from this point going forward, what can no longer be ignored by anyone is this: marriage in America is changing and if you’ve got something to say about it, and you’ve been holding out for whatever reason, now would be the time to say it…”

On March 26th and 27th the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) will hear oral arguments for and against California’s Proposition 8—Perry case. This will determine if citizen’s initiative to protect marriage is lawful in California with the possibility of a decision affecting the lawfulness of marriage initiatives across the nation. The Supreme Court may also take this as an opportunity (like Roe vs Wade) to legalize gay marriage for every state in the nation. It is imperative that political leaders, the media, and the culture see that we care about protecting marriage enough to stand up and march for it.

Now is the time to Stand up and be counted! There are organized events on March 26^th to help the people to stand up for marriage.

In Washington D.C.

There will be a March for Marriage.  The March is being organized by the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) alongside a broad coalition of pro-family organizations, state partners, African-American, Latino, Catholic and Protestant leaders. You can check the Sponsors page for an up-to-date list of co-sponsoring organizations and the Speakers page for a list of confirmed speakers.

Schedule of Events for March 26, 2013

• 08:30 AM: Gather at National Mall location between 10th Street and 12th Street NW and between Madison Drive NW and Jefferson Drive SW [BOX]
• 09:30 AM: March to the Supreme Court [ARROWS] and then return to the National Mall location [BOX]
• 11:00 AM: Rally begins at National Mall location (live music, speakers and more)
• 01:00 PM: March for Marriage concludes

 In California

There will be a Marriage Rally/ News Conference on March 26^th beginning at 11:30 am at the San Diego Court House. (303 West Broadway – between State and Union Street, San Diego 92101) This will be a historic, peaceful and family-friendly rally and news conference.

In Utah 

There will be a Celebration of Marriage at the Utah State Capitol on March 26^th at 7pm. This will be an exciting community event, with Alan and Suzanne Osmond as the MC’s, musical performances by Nathan Osmond and various Utah community groups, and speakers from several different religious faiths, members of the Utah State Legislature, and from the community.

In Arizona 

There will be a Candlelight and Prayer Vigil on Monday, March 25th, from 7 to 8 pm. at the Sandra Day O’Connor Federal District Court House, 401 W. Washington, Phoenix.  To see the details and a map for this event, go here.

It is important that as many people as possible attend these events.

Don’t let the French outdo you!

On January 13th in France, hundreds of thousands of French Citizens marched through Paris in support of traditional marriage. Americans, stand up like the French did, and support marriage. Let’s show the Supreme Court how we feel. Please make these events a priority and Stand and March for Marriage!

‘Till Death do us Part

Rachel Allison

Because of current circumstances in my life, I have had opportunity to witness seven or eight weddings over the past two weeks. I was actually surprised at how many young couples are getting married.  I thought that marriage was a thing of the past.  But apparently I have been wrong.  Good!  I’m glad I was wrong.  Before pronouncing the marriage vows the officiator has offered advise to the bride and groom.

His counsel:

1.  Communication is a key to a successful marriage.  Together your joys will be doubled, and your sorrows will be divided.  To the bride:  “When your husband gets home each evening, ask about his day…and then listen with your ears and your heart.  Your concern and interest can lighten his load and inspire confidence.”   To the Groom:  “Ask about her day…her ups and her downs.  Be the man she can lean on.  Be the man who willingly takes time to listen to her. And both of you need to know when not to speak.  That too, is an important part of communication…wisely determine when to let emotions calm before voicing your opinions.

2.  Create a budget, and live within that budget.  The only time you should go into debt is for a home, education, or a modest car.  You are at the beginning of your lives.  You don’t need the newest and the best.  Character is built when second-hand is okay while together you work and save and sacrifice for better. You have years to reach your financial goals.  Be patient.  Don’t allow debt to destroy peace and harmony in your marriage.

3.  To the husband:  Take your wife out once a week…just you and her.  Every day she should know how much you love her, but that weekly date is the time when you let her know she is still your sweetheart.  At first you may only be able to afford a walk around the park with an ice cream cone.  But it’s the one on one experience that can reignite the reason why you are here today with a desire to live together as life companions.

To the wife:  Get dressed up for your date with your husband.  Wear his favorite dress…or his favorite jeans.  Fix your hair the way he likes it best.   Make him happy to take you out.  And if for financial reasons it’s only a walk through the park, put your arm through his and let him know that things will get better.  You have confidence in him, the future, and your financial goals.

As the officiator offers this advise the young couples have smiled and nodded their heads in agreement.  It’s easy to agree before life’s challenges come into play.

Understanding how important marriage is to man, woman, and child, I have said a little prayer for each bride and groom.  I pray they will remember the officiator’s counsel.  And I pray they won’t give up on each other and their love.

For thirty-eight years I have experienced the highs and lows of marriage and family.  These experiences have given me a wisdom I didn’t have as a young bride.  Even if the officiator’s advice is accepted and lived, it cannot guarantee that their marriage will weather the storms of life.  But those storms will be less fierce when caring communication, financial peace of mind, and devotion to each other (and none else) are fundamental to that relationship.

Remembering CSW

Rachel Allison

This week is the final week of the “Commission on the Status of Women,” a conference being held at the United Nations in New York City.  United Families International has several volunteers at the UN working to influence pro-life and pro-family language into the outcome documents that will soon become International Law.

As important as this lobbying is, those in our delegation also have opportunity to support women who have come from all over the world to speak to UN delegations concerning their difficult situations at home. Until we hear their stories many of us cannot fathom the situations these good women are experiencing.  In past years I have heard women speak about human slave and sex trafficking.  Their laws and police force do not protect them or their children from such atrocities.   I have heard women talk about watching other women stoned to death without trial or jury.  I have heard women talk about laws that do not protect their 10, 11, and 12 year-old daughters from being bought and subjected to marriage and pregnancy…pregnancy that often causes the unborn baby to die within the womb of the child bride because her body is not mature enough to give birth.

I’m not at CSW (Commission on the Status of Women) this year, but I am trying to read as much as I can about what is happening as they try to direct this year’s focus on eliminating violence against women. I just read an article by someone who is at the conference.  His words brought back vivid memories of needs and concerns that are too often sidelined.

“During the waning days of the conference’s first week and well into this most recent weekend,  I watched and listened as African women discussed and debated the all-important Outcome Document amongst themselves.  Luckily for me, English is their common language and as I sat beside them in the Business Center of our clean but quite modest hotel late into the night on Saturday AND Sunday, I heard their concerns.”

“They are worried about their daughter’s AND son’s education; they want access to potable water in the more remote regions of their respective countries; more doctors, and in keeping with          this year’s conference theme, they want real life-and-death protection for their daughters.”

As I read his article, I was taken back to the years when I attended CSW, and my heart went out to these women who are desperate for help.  I have personally seen women who have to walk miles for potable water.  I have seen the small dark tents where 15+ children huddle to be taught reading and simple arithmetic. I have seen villages whose only “doctor” is a witch doctor who uses the same needle on his patients until it is too dull to be used again.  I have seen mother’s grieve over the loss of a child to dehydration, snakebite, and disease when there was no medicine or help to save.

We who can’t imagine raising a family in such living conditions should count our blessings, and determine that we will give selflessly to strengthen our families, and then support causes that can lift and help the struggling.

Because I have seen what I have seen, and experienced what I have experienced, I cannot, without guilt, spend time on the trivial.  I’m grateful for that guilt.  There are causes too vital not to get involved.  I try to examine my priorities every day. And then I pray like the dickens that my efforts will make a difference.