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Archive for the ‘father’ Category

Parenting: Disciplinarian or Loving Listener?

In Child Development, Education, Families, father, motherhood, Parenting, Religion, Schools, stay-at-home mom, The Family, Values on December 19, 2014 at 9:53 am

family work in gardenRachel Allison

My husband and I have totally different parenting styles. I have often wondered how I ended up being the strict disciplinarian.  He on the other hand had an open-door policy with our children.  Any time a discussion or heart to heart conversation was needed he was available. Uhhh…I think somehow we got our roles reversed.  And sometimes I was a bit frustrated by it.

My role as the strict disciplinarian:

  • Chores and household duties were expected.  We worked together, and all had responsibilities that helped the home and family run well.
  • No television during the school week.
  • Homework was finished before extracurricular activities and friends.
  • Curfews were in place during their teenage years.
  • We went to church together as a family. If my teenage children were tempted to sleep during church I would remind them that their curfew the following Saturday night would be 30 minutes earlier so they could get their needed sleep.  They stayed awake because they knew I would not forget to carry out the promise.
  • If there was fighting between siblings, they knew that extra chores would be given. My policy was,  “If you have the energy to fight you have the energy to work.”  The result?  Arguments were settled quickly, and Mom rarely had to get involved.
  • My children knew the importance of being loyal to their siblings.  We discussed it, and they knew the consequences if they were not.
  • We had LOTS of family discussion. We discussed the rules of our family.  They didn’t always like them, but they understood why they were in place.

My husband’s role as the kind and loving mediator: ( grrrrrr… :) )

  • He drove them to school everyday and they laughed and talked freely.
  • He interviewed them monthly or more if needed.  The conversations were never hurried.  The children looked forward to those interviews and discussions.
  • When I was too strict, the children would go to their father.  He and I would privately discuss their issues, and sometimes, I admit, the rules needed to be changed.
  • My husband was a listener.
  • My husband did not judge our children.  They knew his love was unconditional.
  • Etc. Etc.

Do you see why there were times I wanted HIS role…and I wanted him to have MINE.  But, I was the one who was with our children in the home.  I saw what needed to be done on a daily basis to keep the home and family running smoothly and progressing. It worked for our family.

My husband and I are the first to admit that if we had both been like me, our children would have been messed up. And if we had both been like him, they would have been messed up.  Those seem like strong statements, but we feel that our combination was a good balance to teach our children responsibility, loyalty, compassion and love.

I am happy to say that since our children are now adults I share my husband’s role…and I love it!

My Dicken’s Christmases

In Child Development, Families, father, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Religion, The Family, Values on December 18, 2014 at 8:54 am

Christmas Tree 2Written by Beth Whitaker as told to Rebecca Mallory

Last weekend my family held the big annual family Christmas party in Utah. I unfortunately came down with a cold and couldn’t go. I was feeling very sorry for myself until my darling sister sent me what she wrote as her part of “A Dickens Family Christmas.” It brought back such blessed memories of my childhood. With her permission, I share this visit from the ghost of my “Christmas past” and wish a warm and happy Christmas season for you and your families.

I am the ghost of Christmas past!  Our parents created a loving home and welcomed eight daughters and one son . Mother and Dad loved each other very deeply and all of us children knew that. Every night when dad came home from work, he would sneak up behind her as she was cooking dinner. (She actually always knew he was there) He would come up behind her, put his arms around her and give her a kiss on her neck and teasingly ask, “Are you trying to starve me to death?” Mother would say, “Just a few more minutes, just a few more minutes…. When I was a child, that small gesture seemed unnecessary, even gross! But the older I got, the more secure it made me feel and the more I cherished that sweet memory.

Mother always cooked the best Christmas dinners.  She made delicious slush with pineapple and bananas from a recipe given to her by our Aunt Minnie, which was served in the most elegant little glasses. We had turkey with the best stuffing ever, the recipe being one that had been handed down from her great grandmother.  Mounds of mashed potatoes with butter right in the center, delicious rolls and banana cream, pumpkin, pecan and apple pies!  Her table was set just so with a beautiful cream-colored table cloth, her lovely china, silverware and green glasses.   Mother made everyone so welcome and always made sure there was plenty to eat!  There were always plenty of people, plenty of food and plenty of dishes afterward! We had no dishwasher, but we made it fun with many hands pitching in. We enjoyed great conversations while cleaning up and working together.

Mother was raised in a home where the needle arts were taught.  Her oldest sister, Pearl, could study a beautiful dress in a shop window or catalog and then could recreate it to the finest detail…without a pattern.  One Christmas mother decided to make dresses for each of us.  I remember that one by one we took turns going into her sewing room and were told to keep our eyes tightly closed and not to peek while she slipped the dress over our heads to make sure it fit just right.  I’m sure she worked late into the night because the next morning there, hanging on a rack by the Christmas tree, were our beautiful dresses each with a name tag on the shoulder. They were magical.

Delta, Utah was a very small town and there was a Christmas Eve tradition where Santa’s helper would ride through the neighborhoods on the fire engine stopping  just as the sun went down at each home so the children could sit on his knee and tell him what they wanted for Christmas!  He never knocked or rang the doorbell, but he would simply barge through the door with a  big bag on his back and shout, “HOHOHO!  Merry Christmas!”  I remember our 3 year old sister as Santa came through the door. She screamed in horror and burst into tears wanting nothing to do with him….until she watched her sisters sit on his knee and receive a little brown bag of candy, peanuts and an orange!  She eventually took her turn and no doubt got just what she asked for the next morning.

One Christmas mother was out of town and we decided to surprise her by decorating the tree. We listened happily to Andy Williams, Perry Como and Bing Crosby as we carefully unwrapped the ornaments. But first…We wanted a flocked tree so we got out the Kirby vacuum and fixed it so it would blow out the air, attached the bag of white flock and then decided it might be a good idea if we held sheets around the tree!  Since we were doing it in the LIVING ROOM! Oh my goodness!  What a big mess!  The flock shot out all over everywhere and we were horrified!  We quickly took the tree outside and began scooping up the fine white powder that had covered the entire front room!  I don’t remember mother being overly upset about that so I guess we did a pretty good job cleaning up.

On Christmas morning before any gifts were opened, we would kneel down and have family prayer.  Daddy would thank Heavenly Father for our warm home, our family, our many blessings and for the birth of His Son Jesus Christ.  Then he would sit next to the tree and one by one hand out the gifts.  We each took our turn opening our presents before the next one was handed out.  One year there were several boxes of similar size and we knew we were all in for a treat!  And sure enough each of us received a brand new shiny pair of ICE SKATES!  We were so excited!  That afternoon we bundled up in our warmest coats, hats, scarves and gloves, piled into the green Pontiac station wagon and drove out to the reservoir west of town.  We put on our ice skates and slipping and sliding, falling and laughing we had the best time trying out our wonderful gifts. I remember Daddy taking my hand and one of the others, and we headed out across that murky, grayish green frozen water.  It seemed like the farther we got from shore, the more the creaks and groans and popping got louder and louder until I was sure the ice would crack open and we would be drown in the icy cold water!  I looked up at Daddy and asked if we were going to be alright.  He squeezed my hand tightly and said, “We will be just fine.  Don’t you worry about anything, we’ll be just fine.” And we were!  I knew my Dad would never do anything to harm me and I trusted him completely.  Our Dad was our greatest hero.

The most wonderful part of Christmas was our special Family Home Evening on Christmas Eve.  We would have a program and then sing fun Christmas carols like Frosty the Snowman, Here Comes Suzie Snowflake, Deck the Halls accompanied by our second oldest sister, Susan, and then we would sing the sacred hymns, The First NOEL, Oh Little Town of Bethlehem, Hark the Herald Angels and Silent Night.  Then Daddy would reach for the big brown family Bible and read from Luke 2 about the birth of the Savior: “And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed….”

Then Susan would start playing the introduction to our favorite Christmas song of all….Dad would stand by the piano as he sang in his most beautiful Tenor voice, “Oh Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining, it is the night of our dear Savior’s birth”……..

Those memories of Christmases past remind us that our parents loved each of us and taught us the sacred importance of family and loving relationships. I am grateful for precious memories of Christmas’s past and hope that I am creating some of those memories for my children and grandchildren.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Video Gaming: Be Very Careful

In Child Development, Education, Families, father, Media, Parenting, Schools, Technology, The Family, Values on December 16, 2014 at 7:51 am

video gamesRachel Allison

This post may offend some of our readers.  If I say something that hits too close to home, just honestly evaluate your child’s involvement and if necessary ignore my observations.

My children grew up during the skate-board craze in our neighborhood.  All of their friends owned expensive skateboards and I was aware that they practiced all kinds of tricks and stunts for hours and hours everyday and into the night right in front of our house.  While these friends practiced their skateboard maneuvers, our children were doing homework, practicing the piano, doing chores, and spent lots of time being miserable as they watched all the fun taking place right outside on our street.  My husband and I couldn’t afford to buy our children such a “toy,” but still they continued to ask for skateboards for Christmas or birthdays.  Finally we gave in, and I purchased my two oldest $20 skateboards for Christmas.  LOL (Are you?)

A $20 skateboard is like buying clamp-on roller skates.  Our children were so excited on Christmas morning…which made me very happy.  When all the neighborhood kids showed up, many with newer and more improved skateboards, our children went out to join in the fun and excitement.  They soon learned that they could not do any of the tricks, nor could they get any speed on their skateboards.  It didn’t take long for them to tire of the sport, and they got involved in activities where they could excel. Whew!  Battle over.

Now, let me correct a previous statement.  “My husband and I couldn’t afford to buy our children such a “toy.”” And yet we purchased a piano, and our children all took piano lessons.  One of our children was a gifted gymnast, and the money we paid out for group and private tutoring was more than I want to share with our readers. Violin lessons, scout camps, guitar lessons, singing lessons, and sport’s camps…somehow we could afford all these.  So what was different about skateboarding?  The culture.  (This is where I might start to step on toes.)

I silently watched the skateboard culture.  The dress, the hair, the language, the attitude, and I didn’t want my children to be a part of it. At least, this was what I observed from the skateboarders in our neighborhood. They didn’t have the time or desire to get involved with any of the previously mentioned activities that I wanted our children involved in. I knew all of their parents, and I watched as their parents may have pushed music or scouting or studies, but the skateboarding won out, and nothing else positive was seriously pursued.

My children are grown, and are all successfully pursuing their dreams.  I don’t know if skateboarding is still the craze that it was 25 years ago.  What I see and hear about now is the video gaming craze.  Would I buy video games for my children if they were still at home?  Absolutely not!  I don’t care how badly they wanted them.  Why?  Because I see what is happening in the video-gaming culture: Addictions, obsessions, often violence, and too often the shunning of everything else that is positive and worthwhile.  That is something I would protect my children from as if it were a drug. In fact I have heard that it is as powerful a draw as any drug.

I have a friend whose husband…do I need to point out that this is a grown man?…was so addicted to video games that he wouldn’t go to work?  She had to provide an income for the family.  With him, and without him, because she left him after three years of seeing no improvement.

Why would any wise parent put such a temptation in front of their children?  Because all their friends have video games? Bad decision as far as I’m concerned.

I ran across a blog this morning that I want to share.  It helps make my point.

“I wanted to open up the topic of video game addictions. It never seemed to be a big deal to me until recently. My oldest son has become completely obsessed with a video game, and it is starting to worry me.  He only cares about playing his game- he doesn’t spend time with his friends anymore, nor does he want to be around me or the rest of the family for that matter.

He used to be really committed to his education (he is fresh out of high school) and pursuing a career, but that seems to be unimportant to him now. I am afraid that if he does not quit playing the game soon, he will miss his chance to accomplish his dreams. It breaks my heart as a father to see him making the kind of decisions that I know he will regret later.  Is anyone else experiencing a similar situation with their children?  I could really use some advice on this.”

One more observation.  My husband and I ran into an old friend this past weekend. During our conversation he said that his 33-year-old daughter plays video games all day.  I know this girl.  She was a good friend to one of my sons.  She was talented musically, and lots of fun to be with.  He shared with us that while she plays video games, she puts her four children in front of movies so that they will leave her alone.

Need I write more?

What a culture!  Parents, before they even start, don’t let it happen.

America Needs Strong Families

In Child Development, Constitution, Courts, Democracy, Diane Robertson, Domestic Violence, Families, father, Free Speech, Government, Human Rights, Marriage, Non-Discrimination, Parenting, Research, Sanctity of Life, The Family, Values, Violence on December 10, 2014 at 9:08 am

FergusonDiane Robertson

If you have been watching the news, listening to the radio, following twitter, or even just browsing your Facebook feed, it would have been impossible to miss the unrest occurring in the streets around the nation. Maybe you’ve had conversations with your friends and family about racism, crime, laws, policemen, homicide, protests, rioting, and looting. The news coming from Fergusen, MO and the Eric Garner case leave plenty to discuss and to think over.

In conversations online, I’ve noticed two things.

  1. People think policemen and laws should be obeyed no matter what and then there would be peace.
  2. The policemen are always bullies, often racist and violent, and need to be brought in line.

First, I disagree with complete obedience all of the time no matter what. The United States would not have become its own nation, and the Constitution and world-wide democracies would not have been established without disobedience to authoritarian laws and governments. If everyone obeyed all of the Nazi’s laws, many more Jews would have been killed during the Holocaust. The ending of slavery and the beginning of civil rights would not have occurred if everyone kept every law all the time.

Second, we need the police. They enforce the laws and keep the peace. We need peace to prosper, build our lives, and care for our families. We may not feel grateful when we see those flashing lights in our rearview mirror, but we do feel grateful when they arrest and subdue thieves, abusers, and murderers.

The middle ground comes when people are moral. We need good police officers. We need good law makers. We need good citizens. How do we teach people to be good? We teach them in the home. Children learn morality, love, and kindness best through example. That important daily example comes in the family. There is a reason the family has been called the fundamental unit of society.

Research has shown again and again that children do best when raised by their married mother and father. If we really want peace, love, and prosperity, then we need to be moral. We need to marry, stay married, and raise our children together in love. What does America need most? America needs strong families.

Family Traditions

In Child Development, Families, father, Grandparents, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, The Family, Values on December 9, 2014 at 2:15 pm

Christmas tree decoratingNathalie Bowman

As I sat on my rocking chair unwrapping ornaments for our Christmas tree, our children gleefully hung the ornaments. Somehow, it has become a family tradition to decorate the tree this way. I sit with several shoe boxes and gift bags full of ornaments, carefully unwrapping each one as the children get excited about who’s ornament is next. Then each child puts the decor on the tree, carefully selecting the perfect branch to feature their ornaments. When all is said and done, I usually don’t put even one ornament on the tree, and it always turns out beautifully.

This tradition got started because I wanted the kids to have fun and participate in the decorating when they were little. I never imagined it would turn into an expected tradition every year, but it has become a highly anticipated event, and I don’t dare attempt to decorate the tree myself. The kids might never forgive me. They take pride in making the tree pretty, and I love to see the sparkle in their eyes as the Christmas tree comes to life.

Family traditions are an essential part of a successful family. Some traditions, as the decorating of the tree at our home, begin by accident because a family does something once, and the whole family expects it again and again. Other traditions are started purposefully, as parents desire to create their own family culture.

What is so important about family Traditions? Some people say that there is no time in our busy world to bother with traditions. I believe that precisely because of our fast paced world, traditions are crucial to holding families together.

In an interview with geneology.com, Dr Susan Coady of The Ohio State University describes family traditions as rituals that the family values, respects, and are done in the present, as well as the past and expected for the future. She adds, “Traditions are also family-specific. It means that while a culture or an ethnic group might influence the occasion that the family celebrates, the family puts their own stamp on the way they celebrate it.”

Family Traditions create family identity. As families make holidays, birthdays, vacations, and activities their own, they create an identity that all family members relate to. When I was 10 years old, my dad’s parents and siblings built a cabin for family reunions. We had family reunions at “our” cabin every year, and my grandparents named it “Nielsenhaven.” We loved the cabin and created many family memories, connections, songs, and jokes for over 20 years until my grandpa passed away and the cabin was sold. Even after the physical structure which we cherished was sold, we continue the “Nielsenhaven” tradition by gathering as a family every year. I have over 40 first cousins, and we all feel strengthened by our family identity of what “Nielsenhaven” is to us.

“The traditions that create individual and family identity need not have cosmic scope,” Dr. Lloyd D. Newell, of Brigham Young University explains. “One woman’s happiest childhood memory was her annual trip with her father to the New Orleans Jazz Festival. She and her husband, their children, and her mother were going back for the first time since her father’s death. . . “I’ll probably cry more . . . . But that’s okay,” the 67-year-old widowed grandmother said. “For years we sat through the rain and the cold and the heat and the everything; oh but it was fun. It was really fun.” The return to the beloved tradition makes a memory for a new generation and solidifies the family’s identity.”

Family Traditions create strong family bonds. Brett and Kate McKay, of the popular blog www.artofmanliness.com write, “Traditions provide an all-too-rare chance for face-to-face interaction, help family members get to know and trust each other more intimately, and create a bond that comes from feeling that one is part of something unique and special.”

Family Traditions foster family security. When children identify with and feel bonded to their family through traditions, it creates a security for them in a fast paced world that is changing rapidly. Families have many demands and activities and family traditions allow for built in family time that both children and parents can rely on. Traditions create comfort and stability even in the midst of crisis, as Brett and Kate explain, “Traditions can thus be particularly effective during times of change and grief. Maybe you’ve moved your family to a new state and everything is new and strange for your kids, but at least they know that every Tuesday is still pizza night and every Saturday morning they can still count on going on a bike ride with dad.”

Family Traditions bridge generations. Dr. Newell says, “Something that seems insignificant or begins as a simple routine can become an intergenerational tradition, as a mother noted: “We sing a bedtime song every night that my dad sang to me and his parents sang to him. . . . It was one of the first songs my kids learned how to sing.” These traditions can increase the feeling of belonging for children who understand they are doing what a parent and grandparent and even great-grandparent did.” Children innately long to know who they are. Teaching them about their ancestors. continuing traditions of the past, and spending family time with grandparents gives children insight into their own lives. They learn that their grandparents have some of the same likes and dislikes, similar talents, body type, and enjoy the same foods, etc which gives them a sense of pride and identity.

Take a moment and think about how your own family traditions have created who you are today. Implement  some of your family traditions from the past and create new traditions just for your own family. If you need some ideas, see “60+Family Tradition Ideas”. Enjoy your family traditions this holiday season.

 

KITES AND TENTS

In Abortion, Cohabitation, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Families, father, Health Care, Marriage, Parenting, Pornography, Religion, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on December 5, 2014 at 7:27 am

tentMaddie Gillel

Our family was flying a kite a few years ago, having a great time watching the kite fly higher and higher. One of the grandchildren asked what would happen if we cut the string? She thought it would surely continue climbing higher and higher! We told her ‘nope, the kite will crash to the ground.’

We’ve all been camping in tents under different circumstances: girls’ camp, family camp, back yard sleep outs, scout camp, etc. There is always someone in the group who thinks it’s funny to quietly undo the stakes, watch the tent collapse and the girls (usually) inside scream and yell and scramble to escape – much to the delight of the ‘boys’ (usually) who did this.

These 2 examples of a recreational facet of life, have provided an allegory for other more serious lessons of life.

MORAL PRINCIPLES ARE THE LIFELINE TO AN ABUNDANT, HAPPY, PURPOSEFUL LIFE. Many think that religion/ principles, are restrictive and freedom ending, when in actuality, these religious beliefs and moral principles are the stakes that hold the tents up and the kite string that keeps the kite aloft!

These principles teach us faith in God, honesty, love, hard work, cheerfulness, responsibility, integrity, virtue, chastity, courage, financial comfort, education, confidence, respect, and many, many others.

What are the symptoms of a life whose kite has crashed to the ground and/or their tent has collapsed? Drug abuse, divorce, financial problems, inadequate education, premature health issues, early death, sexual abuse, physical abuse, pornography, abortion, suicide, hopelessness, anger, murder, prison, emotional illness, discomfort in polite society, loss of self-esteem and self -respect, estrangement from family, and on and on.

We all know people who have professions that are quite lucrative and prestigious and yet their home life/personal life have issues (smoking/ drinking/drugs, philandering, dishonesty) and sooner or later that personal life spills over into the professional life and either weakens it or destroys it.

We had a friend years ago whom we loved dearly. He was charming and generous and fun to be with. However, his personal life was not so pleasant. He lived with several women, was married 3 times and had children with each. He was an alcoholic and we watched his professional life slowly dissolve. He was an orthopedic surgeon and between child support and alimony he was barely making it.   In the end he was selling items in a multi-level-marketing venture. He died at age 60 from brain cancer. Such a sad commentary on a life.

Life is real and full of lessons and choices. How it’s lived is up to each person.

A Return to Stability

In Abortion, Child Development, Cohabitation, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Families, father, Gender, Government, Homosexuality, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Same-Sex Marriage, Sanctity of Life, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values on November 28, 2014 at 12:11 pm

family stabilityTashica Jacobson

Embarrassingly I admit that four years ago many of my attitudes were anti-family. Now don’t jump to conclusions I wasn’t an extremist. However I was at the point that I had given up on the ideal of marriage. I had seen so many horrible relationships and family breakups, that I had given into my naïve thoughts and decided that a good family was pointless and that there was no point trying. I turned into a skeptic questioning everyone’s happily ever after and anyone that strived for the ideal. Slowly I came to realize that the opposite of a broken family is not to avoid creating a family, rather it is a healthy stable family. Not only did I need to learn that, it is what our society needs a reminder of today.

Families not only play a role in shaping individual lives but in shaping society and the stability of our nation. The family is the unit that connects the past, the present, and the future. This unit also has the greatest impact on how we will live our lives. However the importance of the natural family for both individuals and society is being lost in today’s policies and values.

Threats to the nuclear family are becoming more prevalent. However these alternative family forms cannot provide the same stable environment. They are more prone to dissolution and unhealthy transitions. Cohabitation, single parent homes, homosexual marriage and childrearing, and divorce are all on the rise and are becoming more accepted by society.

Cohabiting couples “rate of separation is five times that of married couples,” and children living in these unions are more likely to experience both physical and sexual abuse. Homosexual relationships have a higher rate of breakup and promiscuity. Divorce breaks up a child established environment and has lifelong consequences for the parents and the child. And research is still clear that the healthiest place for a child, both for physical safety and healthy development, remains an intact family structure with both biological parents in the home.

The Witherspoon Institute in their publication Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles states “the clear preponderance of the evidence shows that intact, married families are superior—for adults and especially for children—to alternative family arrangements.” The traditional family brings mother, father, sister, and brother, together. The main focus is to unite all individuals in the system for the greatest good; however when we change the family structure we no longer focus on unity of the parts, but rather on the personal desires of individuals.

Research shows that when families have unhealthy or extreme transitions, such as severe financial troubles or family dissolution, children are affected. They experience “toxic stress” due to the abrupt and constant adversity, which affects their development. The likelihood of these negative stressors and transitions increase in alternative family forms. Stable families provide many benefits to children, such as emotional health, academic performance, sense of identity, and safety. These benefits not only help the child to thrive, but are a benefit to society.

We must keep in mind that “marriage is not simply a private relationship. It is a public and social institution that, when entered into as a life-long endeavor, generates an unappreciated level of human and social capital.” Families not only have an effect on those within them but also on those outside their boundaries. Our attitudes and behaviors on our own family structure will influence how others view marriage and family life, in general, and how culture defines the family.

 

When we turn away from natural marriage in the slightest we are creating a less than ideal for society. “When marital breakdown or the failure to form marriages becomes widespread, society is harmed by a host of social pathologies, including increased poverty, mental illness, crime, illegal drug use, clinical depression, and suicide.” Family dissolution requires greater government involvement in our lives. This is seen in the legal system and welfare system. While married intact families help the economy and promote economic growth, these stable families help society by providing a source of permanence and stability for individuals to grow and develop. It links individuals together through social ties and expands resources actually increasing wealth.

 

When we encourage alternative family forms we promote alternative lifestyle, ones which are not conducive to the development of a child nor the development of society. When we accept alternative family forms we by default accept the things that come with it; broken family ties, promiscuity, permanently motherless and fatherlessness, poor developmental outcomes, financial troubles, and a host of other negative outcomes. Not only do we accept them, we set them as comparable alternatives to the ideal.

However change is possible in individual lives. I went through a dramatic change and know that it is possible for others, and if in individual lives then eventually in society as a whole. What we need to aim for is a return to stability. We can’t forget that there is an ideal, and this ideal creates stable home environments for children so that they can grow and contribute to a healthy society. We need to let our voices be heard as we vote and promote the healthiest family structure. Let people know that the ideal is still possible and aim for it in your own life.

 

 

 

 

“One Nation under Godlessness”…ya think?

In Abortion, Child Abuse, Child Development, Cohabitation, Courts, date rape, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Education, Families, father, Free Speech, Media, motherhood, Parenting, Religion, Religious Freedom, Schools, Sexual Freedom, The Family, Values, Violence on November 21, 2014 at 1:39 pm

Godless or God?My husband is a judge. On a weekly basis he sees youth in his court who are delinquent, unmotivated, and often times defiant. These young men and women are most often accompanied by a frustrated parent. At some point in the conversation my husband asks the parent, “While you were growing up did you attend church?” Nine out of ten answer in the affirmative. Then he asks, “Are you taking your son (or daughter) to church?” The answer is always, “No.” “Why?” he asks. “I’ve just got out of the habit,” “I never think to,” “I don’t know why I don’t,” are most often the responses. He then suggests that their son or daughter may do better in life with the moral compass that religion brings. His heart goes out to these kids who have no purpose and direction to their lives.

We are so grateful for those who recognize what is going on in our nation and for their courageous voice. We combine our voices and pray…yes, we pray, that parents will wake up to what happens when God is not in our lives.

 

Michelle Malkin said it so well in her article “One nation under Godlessness.”

 

Amen and Amen!

 

 

Historic Interfaith Conference

In Cohabitation, Diane Robertson, Divorce, Education, Families, father, Gender, Grandparents, Homosexuality, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Religion, Religious Freedom, Research, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, The Family, Values on November 19, 2014 at 6:51 am

vaticanDiane Robertson

With marriage and natural family relationships in decline, Pope Francis invited leaders from different faiths around the world to gather at the Vatican this week. This historical interfaith conference titled, The Complementarity of Man and Woman brought religious leaders from 23 nations, and representing 14 different faiths together to discuss something they all agree on: the natural family.

We hope that this conference will assist religious leaders around the world in strengthening marriages and families everywhere.

These are some of the wonderful things spoken about during the first two days of the conference:

Pope Francis opened the conference calling the family one of the “fundamental pillars that govern a nation.” He urged young people not to “give themselves over to the poisonous mentality of the temporary,” but to “be revolutionaries with the courage to seek true and lasting love, going against the common pattern.”

The Pope declared that:

“Evidence is mounting that the decline of the marriage culture is associated with increased poverty and a host of other social ills, disproportionately affecting women, children and the elderly. It is always they who suffer the most in this crisis.

The crisis in the family has produced an ecological crisis, for social environments, like natural environments, need protection. And although the human race has come to understand the need to address conditions that menace our natural environments, we have been slower to recognize that our fragile social environments are under threat as well, slower in our culture, and also in our Catholic Church. It is therefore essential that we foster a new human ecology.”

Discussing the complementarity of man and woman, Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Cardinal Gerhard Müller, said, “The difference between man and woman [is an] essential element to understand the human being and his journey towards God… The human body, in its sexual difference, is not a chance product of blind evolution or an anonymous determination of elements.”

On Tuesday, the Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, Lord Jonathan Sacks, declared that “the family, man, woman, and child, is not one lifestyle choice among many. It is the best means we have yet discovered for nurturing future generations and enabling children to grow in a matrix of stability and love.”

Henry B. Eyring, from the Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said that unselfishness is the key to “complementary marriage between a man and a woman,” and that, “we know what we must do to help create a renaissance of successful marriages and family life.”

“We must find ways to lead people to a faith that they can replace their natural self-interest with deep and lasting feelings of charity and benevolence. With that change, and only then, will people be able to make the hourly unselfish sacrifices necessary for a happy marriage and family life.”

 

A SAD STORY

In Child Development, Cohabitation, Divorce, Drug Use, Families, father, Grandparents, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Sexual Freedom, Single Mothers, stay-at-home mom, The Family, Values, working mothers on November 14, 2014 at 7:16 am

latchkey kidsMaddi Gillel

Beverly was six or seven when her parents divorced. She had a brother just 2-3 years older and 2 sisters older than that. Her mother, of course, had to go to work, and just as important, find a new man in her life. So Beverly and her brother went home after school to no one to help with homework, talk about their day, drive them to music and or sports etc.

When Beverly was 19, she met a man at work, and they were soon living together. They were married a few months later. Four years later, they had their first child, a girl. Beverly’s husband was a drug addict, but was able to keep a job in construction. When their daughter was 2 ½, they had another baby, this time a boy. Soon after that, Beverly began doing drugs and she and her husband were both doing heroin. Finally, when their little boy was almost three, and their daughter 5 ½, they split up and sobered up. Beverly gave her husband full custody of the children, and moved two states away.

NO ONE could believe that a mother could do that!! HOW?!!! WHY!?!? Thankfully, her husband wanted the children and managed to keep them and care for them with the help of his family.

Let’s take a closer look at Beverly’s early life. Her dad left, then her mom left (to work and date etc.). She was on her own with only her siblings. Her lifestyle deteriorated in her teen years and she started having random sexual encounters. Studies prove that when you begin using drugs and/or get into sex, your emotional development STOPS !!   So Beverly was basically a mid-teenager when she got married and then divorced.  Without a realization of the problem and some type of treatment, her life story will remain the same – she still lives with a guy and makes other poor choices.

Marriage and parenthood are not for the faint-of-heart NOR the immature! Anyone who is in a marriage and has children will testify that even when everything is as it should be, it is challenging.

I feel for Beverly. Under the circumstances in which she was raised and the choices she made, it’s no wonder she could leave her children and not look back. Marriage and parenthood overwhelmed her as it would any teenager. She sees her children about once a year.

This is my story. Beverly is my ex-daughter-in-law. We have been raising her two children for five years. We are in our mid 60’s. It has been the hardest thing we have ever done. We love these children dearly and would not have it any other way, under the circumstances, but it would have been so much easier- AND EFFECTIVE- to have one, loving, engaged, hard-working mom functioning in their home.

To moms: 100 TIMES YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD could still never replace what you do in the home.

 

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