Five Reasons to be a Single Parent? Give me a Break!

Rachel Allison

My children are pretty savvy…at least their mother thinks so.  However, periodically one or another will surprise me with a statement that proves that he’s not as “in the know” as he should be.  By sighting a few statistics or studies, my child has learned to verbally back off the issue until further investigation.

Where is Kerry Zane’s mother? Kerry Zane is an Emmy Award-winning television producer who wrote an article in the Huffington Post entitled “5 Reasons It’s Better to be a Single Parent.”  Unbelievably the Huffington Post published it.  Why unbelievably?  Because any reader who has studied family issues knows that Ms. Zane’s article is totally self serving and full of error. The HP is now the “clock that struck 13,”  casting doubt over all previous and future articles.

Ms. Zane’s reasons?

1.  “I no longer have to negotiate with a husband. “ I now get to make all the decisions “which in the long run is better for [my] offspring’s well-being.”

2.  “Stellar Independent Role Model:” (check out her #4 reason to see if #2 makes any sense at all.) Her daughters can see that she is a “completely whole and independent adult, and they will emulate her healthy behaviors.”  (Again, check out her #4.)

3. “Since society is shifting away from bonds of matrimony,” her children will be “enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle…Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.” (LOL)

4.  “Bed sharing not required:  Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun.  While they constantly have to “spice it up” in the bedroom, the nature of being single and switching partners does all the cooking for us.  We tease, experiment, and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover.  Men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. “ (Uh, is that a two year long-term relationship without wedding bands that can be stronger?  Why did she limit the “hot sex” to two years?  Is that when the guy or gal move on?)

5.  “Building a better body:  Marriages are like your freshman year in college.  You have the tendency to pack on the pounds.  One study found that women could gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping 54 pounds by the ten-year mark, while their single counterparts stay slim.  Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to prospective mates of the opposite sex.  The result of a divorce?  A slimmer, trimmer you—aka the divorce Diet.”  (It’s still all about #4)

Statistics from SingleParentSuccess.org

• In 1995, nearly six of 10 children living with mothers only were near the poverty line. About 45 percent of children raised by divorced mothers and 69 percent by never-married mothers lived in or near poverty, which was $13,003 for a family of three in 1998. Census Brief CENBR/97-1, Bureau of the Census www.census.gov, September 1997.
• 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)
• 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – Investigative Aid)
• 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies…Committee for Economic Development)
• Based on the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) results of married couples’ sexual activities, women generally seem happier with their sex lives than we would think; Although married women have sex less frequently, they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex, than women in dating relationships.

I’m a 60 years old  wife, mother and grandmother. I certainly don’t pretend to be all knowing, but I can see Ms. Zane’s article for what it is… narcissistic, selfish, un-researched nonsense.  What upsets me most is that the HP’s younger readers may actually fall for all her worthless baloney.  Does anyone know Kerry Zane’s mother?

Need a Cause? Protect the Family

Rachel Allison

I’m going to admit to something that very few people know.  During those crazy busy years when my children were at home, I never read the newspaper.  I just didn’t have time. Every waking minute I was occupied with feeding, clothing, cleaning, teaching, arbitrating, carpooling, communicating, appointment keeping, music practicing…all of which focused around my five active children. Our home and neighborhood were our world.  Like I said…it was crazy busy but it was also crazy wonderful.

Generally speaking today’s busy mothers are much more tuned into their outside world.  For those who are interested, computers and Smart Phones have made the world very accessible.

Good, because you busy young mothers need to be aware of what is taking place in your children’s schools, destructive apps that are available on their phones, the studies on television viewing, and many more issues that directly affect your children’s lives.

I believe it when I hear,  “having four children today keeps parents as busy as eight children just two generations earlier.”

My heart goes out to parents and children who are struggling to keep focused on issues and learning that will lift and empower toward successful happy futures. There is so much garbage to walk through, and the burden of maneuvering through that garbage falls on Mom and Dad.  They need help!

There are battles to be waged and warnings to be given.  Men and women who have time to openly and courageously fight battles to preserve and protect the family are needed now more than ever before.  There are many causes in the world, and I’m pretty sure our readers are involved in some good ones.  Evaluate your causes, and if you see a need to elevate…what better cause than the family. Get involved in your neighborhood school curriculum reviews.  Be alert to what is happening in your state legislature, and rally like-minded people to visit your legislators about your concerns. Write letters to the editor.  Be aware of what is going on in your city…go to your city council meetings.  Defend the family.  Get involved.  Read the news that is impacting families throughout the world.  You will soon realize how many are working to destroy the family as we know it. This work cannot be left to busy Moms and Dads.  They are in the “trenches” taking care of their children’s immediate needs.  But those of us whose children are grown have the time…and we certainly see the value.

“The family is the corner stone of our society. More than any other force it shapes the attitude, the hopes, the ambitions, and the values of the child. And when the family collapses it is the children that are usually damaged. When it happens on a massive scale the community itself is crippled. So, unless we work to strengthen the family, to create conditions under which most parents will stay together, all the rest – schools, playgrounds, and public assistance, and private concern – will never be enough…”
 Lyndon Johnson

Incremental and Insidious

Maddi Gillel

You’ve all heard the story of how to cook a frog?  First you put the frog in a pot of room temperature water, then you slowly, slowly turn up the heat, and before the frog figures it out and can jump out, he’s cooked.

Do you remember the uproar years and years ago when Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) said the ‘damn’ word at the end of the movie?  The public was outraged.  This was in 1939.   Now we would love to have the movie in which the only objectional word was ‘damn.’

Let’s review some history on the subjects of abortion, homosexuality, divorce, and euthanasia.

When Roe v. Wade became law in 1973, the abortion fight began in earnest in the U.S.  At that time, abortion was only allowable in the first trimester. Even as citizens who valued the life of the unborn fought valiantly to overturn Roe, the Supreme Court ruled on another case and abortion then became legal, in effect, through the entire nine months of pregnancy.  Not even the horrific procedure known as “partial birth” abortion (killing the baby as it is being born) is illegal in most states.  Abortion has become so common and accepted that many women use it as a form of birth control.  Incremental and Insidious.

Homosexuality has probably always existed to some degree.  In our modern times, however, it has evolved from something that occurred among a small, discreet, minority of the population to a behavior that is increasing accepted, normalized, validated and even given the stamp of approval by those who wish to alter the definition of marriage to include homosexual relationships.  Those who participate in the behavior have commandeered the word “gay” (instead of the word “queer”) to describe their “lifestyle.”  Now the “gay” lifestyle is glamorized and promoted by TV shows, movies, and media with prominent Hollywood types, musicians, politicians and business rallying to the cause of “gay rights.”  While NAMBLA (North America Man/Boy Love Association) along with those who promote all types of “inter-generational sex” continue to gain respectability and endorsement inside the ivy halls of high-end academic institution.  Incremental and Insidious.

Divorce began to be more common than ever around World War ll, but that was just the beginning.  There had to be some serious accusations against a spouse to have a divorce granted.  The Catholic Church was openly against divorce and forbade it.  Many couples stayed together until the children were raised only then would they divorce. But then came the push for divorce Laws to be relaxed with the legal world claiming that strict divorce laws served no purpose.  In 1970, California instituted ‘No Fault Divorce’ and by 1973 most states had followed suit.  This ushered in “unilateral divorce” where one party in the marriage (against the wishes of the other spouse) can ask for a divorce – no questions asked.   This opened the flood gate for disposable marriages.  You “fall out of love” you get a divorce – no matter what is does to your children or to the still-committed spouse.   No-Fault divorce makes it clear that adults needs supersede the needs of children.  Some 40 years later, the havoc that this has wreaked on society is still being analyzed and calculated, but one thing is clear – no one came out further ahead.  Incremental and Insidious. 

In all of these topics, would any of us who have seen the progression of these movements have realized how far it would go?  In fact, if someone would have told us where it was going, we would not have believed them and considered them to be  an alarmist.

INCREMENTAL – gradual, phased, piecemeal, step-by-step

INSIDIOUS – 1- awaiting a chance to entrap- treacherous 2- harmful but enticing  3- having a gradual and cumulative effect – subtle   4- developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent

Now, euthanasia is more and more raising its ‘ugly’ head along with its many euphemisms: quality of life, compassion, death with dignity, right to die, choice.  All of this is based, of course, on the premise that it is the patient’s wish.  At what point, however, will it cross over into being against the patient’s wish?

In Compassion in Dying v. State of Washington (decided Mar 6, 1996) the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, in a decision written by Circuit Judge Stephen Reinhardt:

“Known as a slippery slope argument or what one commentator has called the ‘thin edge of the wedge’ argument, the opponents of assisted-suicide conjure up a parade of horribles  and insist that the only way to halt the downward spiral is to stop it before it starts . . .

The same nihilistic argument can be offered against any constitutionally-projected right or interest.  Both before and after women were found to have a right to have an abortion, critics contended than legalizing that medical procedure would lead to its widespread use as a substitute for other forms of birth control or as a means of racial genocide [blacks have more abortions than any other group]. Inflammatory contentions regarding ways in which the recognition of the right  would  lead to the ruination of the country did not, however, deter the Supreme Court from first recognizing and then two decades later reaffirming a constitutionally-protected liberty interest in terminating an unwanted pregnancy.  In fact, the Court has never refused to recognize a substantive due process liberty right or interest merely because there were difficulties in determining when and how to limit its exercise or because others might someday attempt to use it improperly.

Recognition of any right creates the possibility of abuse.  The slippery slope fears of Roe’s (Roe v Wade) opponents have, of course, not materialized.  The legalization of abortion has not undermined our commitment to life generally;       nor, as some predicted, has it led to widespread infanticide.  Similarly, there is no reason to believe that legalizing assisted suicide will lead to the horrific consequences its opponents suggest.”

INCREMENTAL AND INSIDIOUS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX – SHOULD YOU WAIT?

Maddi Gillel

“If couples have sex, do you think this will strengthen the engagement, or will it maybe tend to tear it apart?  Findings show that two times as many rings are returned when the couples have had intercourse, and the more frequent the intercourse, the greater the chance of the ring going back.”  Dr. Robert Blood, “Marriage” – University of Michigan, 1962

Dr. Blood has a collection of 250 studies about this subject – and he came to some major conclusions:

1 Pre-marital intercourse is associated more clearly with broken relationships than with strengthened ones.

2- He found that divorce is more common among couples who have had pre-marital intercourse.

3- Adultery is also more common.

4- Marital unhappiness was also found to be higher among those couples who had not waited for intimate sex until marriage.

When a person equates something as important as sex with ‘the forbidden’ and the ‘exciting’, and all this is BEFORE marriage, things change dramatically after marriage. This same couple, now married, can seem less desirable to each other.  (That is usually the reason marriages end in the first year.)  The relationship is also not as relaxed, comfortable and happy.

Men and women view sex differently.  Girls and young women know everything about love and nothing about sex.  Boys and young men know everything about sex and nothing about love.  Girls give sex to get love, and boys give love to get sex.  It takes years in a marriage to finally understand both sex and love equally.  Pre-marital sex slows down the progress of this understanding.

There is a double standard in our culture for men and women. Men are pretty disrespectful of a woman with whom they have had their way.  Women are called everything from slut to whore.  Men, on the other hand, figuratively receive badges of manliness, potency, sexiness, and physical attraction.

Two people who are dating and involved sexually, do not have enough conversation!  You can’t talk while you’re kissing and beyond. Marriage requires a great deal of knowledge of each other’s likes, dislikes, values, goals, philosophies, plans, etc.  Sex is the easy part of a relationship, so, why not do the difficult part first, namely, get to know him/her and be sure you’re a good match for marriage.

“Living together can’t work when it breeds the mutual dependency of marriage without the mutual responsibility.”  (Louise Montague –“Straight Talk About the Living- Together Arrangement”)

“Probably the greatest single hazard of the [sex before marriage] is that it can actually spoil a good relationship between two people who should eventually marry.  Because it is entered into out of weakness rather than strength, doubt rather than conviction, drift rather than decision, it offers unnecessary obstacles. Knowing this, you shouldn’t casually toss aside those inherited institutions that have had a history of success.” (Montague)

Yes, you SHOULD wait !

Education: Third Cycle, Is there Hope?

Maddi Gillel

Editor’s note:  This is the third in a series on education.  To see “The High Water Mark,” go here, the second article, “The Nose Dive,” is here.

The value of the second cycle is that many have learned the hard way what works to make a country strong, healthy, prosperous, safe, and independent  in every way.

In his book Back to Basics: The Traditionalist Movement That is Sweeping Grassroots America, Burton Yale Pines expressed the yearning of the vast majority of Americans to get America back on track.  There is a call for reform in many areas:

1-     A revival of quality education by the national  commission (A Nation at Risk: The  Imperative for Educational Reform)

2-     A return to the free- market system with less intervention by government so that millions of new jobs can be created.

3-     A restoration of moral and spiritual values in both private and public life.

4-     A reduction in taxes; federal, state, and local.

5-     Paying off the national debt.

6-     Turning public welfare programs into workfare, education, and job-creating opportunities instead of allowing millions of Americans to become permanently trapped on the poverty level.

( Burton Yale Pines)

There are many in our  society who are doing what they can to resist that which weakens our country and encourage that which makes our country strong and free once again.  There are websites that are forwarded  to thousands to keep others aware of the news of the day; there are blogs such as this one, to encourage strong families, financial responsibility, and a return to values;  many more of our representatives understand and uphold the constitution and know how this country should be governed; many families have remained sufficiently intact that they have been raised by parents and grandparents who lived during the high water mark of our society; technological knowledge is at an all- time high, which has its downside, but the upside is that more can stay abreast of advancements in every aspect of our society –law, medicine, marketing, agriculture, retailing, engineering, education, political science, etc.

Many parents recognize the weakness of the education system and choose to home school their children- and this has been going on for quite some time.  Those children are in turn growing up, getting married, and home schooling their own children.

A College/University education was at one time,  thought to be the only way to make a good living, but many are choosing the trades (plumbing, electricity, carpentry, masonry,)  which  is  less expensive, takes less time, and will afford an ability to provide for one’s family ( of course keeping a strong work ethic in mind).  Keep in mind, that one can do a lot of reading and studying about any subject on earth in his own spare time and become an ‘educated’ person – there is formal education and informal education and a truly ‘educated’ person depends on his own volition.

There are an increasing number who are becoming more aware of the democratic process and are staying in contact with their representatives – through technology.  We can even sign petitions ‘on line.’

More reporters and journalists and radio hosts are choosing to be independent of ‘political correctness’ and can thusly keep their readers/listeners  apprised of what the real story is, as opposed to sticking to the talking points-‘ business as usual.’

To sum up, it is no mystery why billions are poured into education.  The ‘powers- that- be’ know that they have got to protect this institution. They can then do as they wish so children are raised to think along the lines of:  indifference to education (reading, writing, and math) socialism, religious and moral apathy, subjection to outrageous behavior from others (bullying, assault, profanity, vulgarity, negative peer pressure, etc.) and a lack of understanding and appreciation of the constitution.

Once again, and as usual, the home is crucial in teaching our children values, reading, math, writing, citizenship, financial responsibility, and family stability.

There is hope.

Education- Phase 2 The Nose Dive

Maddi Gillel

Editor’s note:  This is the second in a series on education.  To see “The High Water Mark,” go here.

The second phase began around 1887.  There were those who wanted to experiment with ideas to make changes in the system:

1-The populist movement demanded that the federal government use income taxes to confiscate some of the property of the rich and redistribute it among the lower economic classes

2-  Industrial and financial leaders  wanted to influence the federal government to forcefully regulate our economy and limit competition at home and abroad.

3-  A group of political leaders and economists wanted to try the theories of socialism (which means government  ownership and control of production and distribution).

4-   Leading intellectuals rejected the spiritual and moral foundation of the American formula and wanted it eliminated from education.

The Founders had pronounced all of these ideas formulas for failure and warned of their destruction to the American system.  These 4 ‘experiments’ began to infiltrate  every aspect of our  society, and serious erosion began.

Five independent studies by leading educators across the country began calling for a return to basics.   A report from the National Commission on Excellence in Education declared: “The educational foundations of our society are presently being eroded by a rising tide of mediocrity that threatens our very future as a Nation and a people.”  (US Department of Education, “A Nation at Risk: The Imperative for Educational Reform”)

The commission found serious danger signals, such as:

“Over 3 million American adults were functionally illiterate by the simplest tests of everyday reading, writing, and comprehension.

About 13 percent of all 17 year olds in the US could be considered functionally illiterate.

Between 1975 and 1980, remedial math in public 4-year colleges increased by 72 percent .

Business and military leaders were required to spend millions of dollars on costly remedial education and training programs  for reading, writing, spelling and computation. “

During the 2^nd cycle, the moral and social quality of our culture was in serious decline. White collar crime skyrocketed;   divorce became far more common; more babies in gestation were destroyed by abortion than were born alive; promiscuous sexuality among the youth created  a wave of unwed mothers and illegitimate children, and the social destabilization which results from these problems; sexual depravity in some of its most bizarre forms began to be widespread; filthy speech was promoted in the name of free speech (4 letter words had become prominent in routine conversations of many); First Amendment rights were used as a license for the sale, distribution and broadcasting of pornography; obscenity was the principal attraction for commercial exploitation in books, magazines, films, and television shows; drugs became a plague on the nation.

A strong drive to completely secularize all phases of public education was begun. The Supreme Court eliminated prayer and Bible reading from the schools. The teaching of morality and spiritual values were eliminated from the schools. Stories with moral lessons (which were so popular in the McGuffey Readers) disappeared from textbooks.

There was much less emphasis on patriotism or any firm commitment to the Constitution or the Founders’ formula for prosperity.  Volumes were written about the Founding Fathers which leveled serious accusations against their reputation and character.  Researchers are now finding these stories to be myths and of recent invention.

A powerful federal government began to replace local government.  The shift of power from the states to the central government involved numerous violations of the Constitution.

There was a shift from a free-market economy (capitalism) to a highly regulated economy (another violation of the Constitution).

During this time – against the Monroe Doctrine –  the U.S. entered into entangling alliances and began meddling in the affairs of nearly every nation on earth. Hundreds of billions of taxpayers’ dollars were spent (and the objectives of this meddling were not even met).

The U.S. went from virtually no national debt, to the biggest national debt in history, and more than all other countries’ debts combined

Our soldiers were ordered to fight in undeclared wars such as Korea and Vietnam (prohibited by Article 1 section 8 of the Constitution).

The Supreme Court began issuing mandates and decrees which unlawfully amended the provisions of the Constitution.

The executive branch began issuing thousands of executive orders each year which were enforced by the courts as federal laws (Article 1 section 1 states that Americans were not to be subject to any laws which had not been approved by Congress).

The nation – without a Constitutional amendment- was taken off the gold and silver standard.

There are too many in our society that believe the way things are now is the way they have always been and should always be.  But, how is it all working for us? I would say – “not too well.”

With all of these negative experiences emerging from  the  second cycle, it was inevitable that the vast majority of Americans would begin calling for reform – which will take us into phase 3 – next week.

For Better or for Worse, be Committed to your Marriage

Kristi Kane

Growing up, my parents gave me good advice. I didn’t realize how good until I got married. From my Dad, I learned the importance of making wise financial decisions like “putting money aside for a rainy day,” (or saving), and “living within your means” (never spend more than you make). From my Mom, I learned the importance of  marrying someone you were crazy about and who was also your best friend. “That will see you through the bad times,” my Mom would say. Of course marriage put all of their advice to the test, and I have been the better for listening to and applying their advice.

It’s my Mom’s advice that I would like to focus on here. I’ve attended many weddings. They all are pretty much the same. Everyone is smiling and radiant. There are happy tears, tears of joy. The bride and groom are saying loving words to each other during their vows. Their first kiss as husband and wife is filled with promise of a happy future and perfect wedded bliss. Now fast forward a few years, in some cases, even a few months. The recently blissful bride and groom are now angry. They see only each other’s short comings. There is a general disillusionment towards the idea of marriage. The words “separation” or “divorce” start to frequent the conversation, and then- pop! The happiness is over and so is the marriage.

In each scenario I think, “What happened?! They were so happy? What went wrong?” There are a variety of answers here, but they all boil down to the same thing. Someone or both of the someones got selfish. Thoughts of “how can you make me happy?” or “You are not making me happy enough” entered and replayed over and over in their brain. One spouse did all the giving, the other, all the taking, or there was no giving at all.

The most recent separation in my own family was between my nephew to his bride of eight years. When I heard of the separation, one very strong visual image came to my mind. It was at their wedding luncheon. I could see my nephew standing at the wedding table and glowing with love and emotion, even tears, as he told all of us, his wedding guests, how much he loved his wife, his best friend. He even pulled her up from her chair and put his arm around her, and put her hand on his heart. I must admit, I was touched. It was very sweet. And then the announcement.

Again, I played in my head, “What happened? They were so happy? What went wrong?” To give you the boiled down version, life happened, as it happens to all of us. Children came along. One of the children has a chronic medical condition. My niece-in-law who had ADD had now also developed anxiety and depression. So life happened. And after two sessions with a marriage counselor my nephew announced that “he tried” and “I’m done.” I was floored.

I realize there are some very justifiable reasons for contemplating divorce, like adultery. But there again, it is because someone got selfish and committed an act of irreversible consequence. And even then, I’ve seen spouses forgive the wandering party and work things out.

Now in my case, there were years when my husband was in graduate school that the only time I saw him was on Sunday. There were two years of my marriage when I had four children under 11 that my husband was gone almost 24/7 working on a restructuring of his company, and at that same time, I was diagnosed with a heart defect that was going to require surgery. We had financial distress and health issues, enough to sink any marriage. And yet in all of that mess, one phrase my husband said to me when he asked me to marry him kept playing in my mind: “There is one word we never say in our family, and that is ‘divorce.’ We are married for life. We work things out.” I’d never heard anyone say it like that, but I liked that idea.

So no matter the stress, we worked it out. Was it easy? No. Were there times when resentment and frustration entered our marriage? Yes. Do I think we will ever be faced with trouble again? You tell me. We now have three teenagers.  But we have made a commitment long ago that we both believed in. I have no doubt we will have more challenges, but we will take them as they come and roll with the punches. What else can we do? That’s life. And for better or for worse, we’re going to make it through.

Which Part of the Following Did you Buy/Are You Buying/Will You Buy?

Maddi Gillel

 “Lenin, and later Joseph Stalin, determined that in order to maintain control of the people it would be necessary to completely destroy the family and re-structure it. They passed a law that one could obtain a divorce simply by mailing or delivering a postcard to the local register without the necessity of even notifying the spouse being divorced. This state, along with the communist encouragement of sexual immorality during marriage, approval of abortion, and forcing women out of the home into the workforce, accomplished its purpose of destroying the Russian family.”  -Soviet expert Mikhail Heller

I graduated from high school and attended college during the 60’s.  High school was alright, but when I went to college, many of the attitudes of the 60’s were being adopted, and in one particular class, the teacher was buying it all and spreading it to us.  I was ridiculed one day in class for my religious activities – by the teacher, and followed up by a few of the students.  I did not like the 60’s.  I didn’t agree with anything that was going on.

You might have guessed that I am reading a book called “The Marketing of Evil” by David Kupelian.  It is excellent.  He states that there were some far-reaching happenings in the 60’s that began the downward spiral of the family in our culture:

1-    Governor Reagan signed the no-fault divorce law (which he later regretted). This traveled like wildfire to all 50 states within a few years.

2-    Kennedy’s assassination – a national shock which signaled the end of American’s innocence.

3-    The Vietnam War – This war was ideologically waged for a noble cause: to help the Vietnamese fight the communists who were invading their country, but the war was executed disastrously by incompetent leaders, so it became controversial and divided our nation.

4-    Rock music invasion from England (Beatles, Rolling Stones) exerted a powerful hold on America’s youth and soon introduced the psychedelic drug culture.

5-    Widespread confusion among America’s churches and churchgoers over God.  “IS GOD DEAD?” became THE question of the time. This caused anxiety and uncertainty which caused a vacuum into which all kinds of alien philosophies and beliefs flooded: occultism, paganism, channeling, and New Age practices of every conceivable sort.  This also opened up a torrent of “liberation” movements:  sexual, women’s, and gays.

There were other factors that helped roll this revolution along, but you get the idea.

I was too young to realize all this was happening, but I knew that our culture was becoming more and more unsettled and angry.  As I said before, I was sometimes alone in my beliefs and activities if they were contrary to the new belief system invading our world.  I didn’t like any of it.  I didn’t buy into any of it.

Where do we go from here?

• How about a serious return to family?– champion the family, defend it, make sure our family is as strong and healthy as possible.
• How about a return to religion? Let’s see what the scriptures say about how to live this life.  Let’s attend our church every Sunday. Let’s give service and kindness and patience to our friends and neighbors.  Learn how to pray.  Prayers are answered!
• How about a return to some serious development of our gray matter. Turn off the tv- which is written for 8^th grade minds.  Let’s put down some of the technology we’re addicted to.  How about reading a book by Victor Hugo, or Mark Twain, or Jack London, or Ayn Rand.
  
• How about a visit to the mountains, or beach, or desert and enjoy some of God’s creations.

There really are ways that we can either be at war with our soul, or at peace.  It all depends on what we buy into.

 

MARRIAGE — NOT REALLY SUCH A MYSTERY

Maddi Gillel

An 80 year old woman was asked to speak to a group of women about marriage.  She had been married to one man all of her married life, and they had raised a large family.  At the end, she opened up a question and answer segment.  Someone asked her if she had ever thought of divorce.  She thought for a minute and then said, “divorce, no, murder, yes.”

Stephen R. Covey (7 HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE) called marriage ‘ the graduate school of mortality.’

I have been married only once and still to the same man.  We have raised children and helped with grandchildren.  I worked while my husband went through college and medical school, and then when we had children, I stayed home with them and was patient (and alone with the children) through more of his training.   I must agree with the above 2 paragraphs.  It is NOT easy.  So, with all of this information,  why do people get married?

In the book “The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially” (Waite and Gallagher) , it reveals research that married men and women live happier, healthier, and more financially secure lives, and even have “more and better sex.” The authors argued – using a broad range of indexes- that “being married is actually better for you physically, materially, and spiritually than being single or divorced.

“Marriage comes complete with all the trials, tribulations, obstacle courses, tests, rewards, and consequences necessary to fulfill your highest potential as a human being – the challenge to serve a higher ideal than self.

What enables a man and a woman to ultimately triumph – to have a truly happy long-term marriage and family?  ONE THING ONLY.  BOTH OF THEIR LIVES MUST REVOLVE AROUND TRUTH.  They have a shared standard by which to resolve differences.  All disagreements ultimately find resolution – not because one knuckles under to the other, the submissive to the dominant, but because they both have placed God’s will at the center of their lives, the center of their family.  The wife is not threatened by her husband’s being the ultimate and natural authority in the family because she trusts him and his judgment.  Nor, however, is the husband threatened by submitting to his wife’s guidance when he sees she is clearly right.

This is why God ordained marriage – so we could find Him.” (The Marketing of Evil” – David  Kupelian)

In our marriage, God and religion have been our foundation and that alone has enabled us to stay married – We have family prayer, individual prayers,  blessings on the food, we both read scriptures individually, and family is our priority.   I realized years ago that a life of ease and enjoyment can seem so wonderful, but there is little fulfillment;  loneliness is real and that is why God has ordained marriage and family, to walk with and help each other through this difficult life. And I repeat, in spite of my understanding of all of the above, marriage is still a challenge and an uphill journey, but the alternative would be cold and dreary.  When I look back at the first few years of our marriage, I can see that we have progressed-  AND THANK GOODNESS!  Most people agree that the first year or two of a marriage are years to be forgotten.

Marriage is, indeed, the graduate school of mortality.

Valued Choices

Rachel Allison

Today I am thankful for a mother who chose a husband who would love his family and be devoted to his responsibilities to us…a selfless hard-working man who was loyal and faithful to her, his children and his faith in God.

I am grateful to a father who chose a wife who above all else would be selfless and committed to her family.  Our dad chose a woman capable and willing to teach and train us to be true to our faith in God, responsible in our duties and assignments, hard working and thrifty.  The result of her time and effort helped us develop self-confidence in our capabilities and discerning in our desires for the success we sought in life.

Their decisions made all the difference in the lives of their eight children.

My mind has returned to Maddi Gillel’s UFI article last Thursday that referred to the lowering of the watermark.  I fear for a society that allows this to happen.  Students of American history have read and even observed the improvement of each generation as education, hard work, thrift, and integrity have been applied. What is happening when this improvement stops…or worse, when it regresses?  I would venture to guess that part of it stems from the choices made by young men unwisely choosing the mother of their children, and young women unwisely selecting the father of their children.  This selection of love and marriage is not primarily about sex, or even companionship.  In my opinion it’s about the conscious decision to form a loving, and solid family unit, with hopes of creating children to bless that families’ love and devotion to each other.

When a society (Hollywood…grrrr!) starts dictating what love is supposed to be, and when there are men and women naïve enough to fall for love based on the shallowness of looks and glamour, a weakened family is the result, and unless a course correction is made and attitudes selflessly mature that weakened family could be destined to crumble.

Give me a society that rises above Hollywood “values,” and I’ll place bets on that society raising the watermark for love, family values, and prosperity.