The TV Trap

Nicole Huckbody & Whitney Trudo

Statistics show that 99 percent of American households have at least one television set in their home, and 66 percent of those homes have three or more television sets.  Statistics go on to show that when four to six year-old children were asked whether they preferred to spend time with a family member or watching TV, over half of the children chose watching TV.

TV Now and Then…

Growing up, free time was considered family time and was spent working side-by-side, playing games, and enjoying talking with one another about the events of everyday life.  Through these interactions and the quality time that was spent together, we were able to build friendships and close bonds with our family members that are still strong to this day.

In contrast, too many children today are spending more time with the television than with those they live with. Oftentimes, the amount of time spent in front of the television is not always determined by the child.   A parent utilizing the TV as a babysitter is all too common.  A TV can be a useful tool, but it shouldn’t take the place of an engaged parent.   When children are spending all this time in front of the television instead of interacting with their parents, they aren’t learning important life lessons and strong family relationships are certainly being sacrificed.

TV and Conflict

Television not only takes away from building relationships, but it also hinders and causes conflict within existing relationships. For example, multiple people may want to use the television at the same time resulting in arguments over what show to watch and the duration of viewing time. Also, the noise levels created by the television can prevent important conversations from taking place, take away from personal quiet, reflection time, and cause distractions from daily activities such as chores and homework[i].

TV and Lack of Communication

Poor communication within the family can lead to “…excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving…and weak emotional bonds.”

Sitting down as a family to watch television can “bring you together,” but, individually, each family member’s attention is focused away from the family as a group and is centered instead on the television screen. In general, talking is taboo while watching television. If one were to pose a question or make a statement during a show, those around would instantly hush the individual and insist that he or she wait for a commercial break or the end of the movie to speak.

Communication is a vital component of developing and maintaining relationships between family members. When family members are discouraged from speaking at any time, feelings of rejection can result, and future conversations may never take place because of a fear of others not caring to listen or show interest in what someone has to say.

Studies show that family interactions and relations, daily chores, and other social exchanges or events are the most common activities that suffer as a result of excessive media use[ii].

Building Communication in a Family

Researchers have found a strong connection between communication patterns and relationship satisfaction within a family.  Communication within a family can build bonds of trust, unite family members on common goals, and build self-efficacy.  Family members are more likely to forgive one another and show respect to each other when there is open communication patterns within a family.

The following are ways a family can work on building communication:

• Communicate often: Make and set aside time to spend with your family. Talk over what each family member did during his or her day. Time spent in front of the TV could be swapped for time together around the dinner table.  Don’t waste that time spent traveling in a car or tucking your child into bed; use it to have meaningful conversation.
• Communicate clearly and directly: It’s crucial to speak clearly in order to avoid miscommunication and hurt feelings. This is especially important when working to resolve conflict.  Using “…indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of…emotional bonding between family members.”
• Listen: Communication is a two-way street. When we talk with family members, it is important to listen and seek to understand what the other person is trying to tell us. Listening also shows respect for the other person and makes him or her feel validated and important.
• Remember who you’re talking with: Not all people communicate in the same way. Children talk and understand differently than teens and adults.  Adjust the way we talk to fit the skills of the person we are talking with.

Make it a priority to find ways to have meaningful conversation and truly communicate with your loved ones. It has to be a priority or it probably won’t happen.

Conclusion

On average, Americans watch more than 4 hours of TV every day. According to that statistic, if one were to look at the life of a 65-year-old, he would have spent around nine years of his life up to that point in front of the TV! Today we live in a society that is full of distractions, don’t add more by allowing the TV to consume large blocks of your time. Television viewing can create conflict, and takes away quality time that could be spent with loved ones.

Urie Bronfenbrenner, a family scientist, once stated, “The family is the most powerful, the most humane, and by far the most economical system known for building competence and character.” As families, let us strive to work together to build these kind of relationships with each other through positive communication and quality time spend together. We need to turn off the TV and cherish the moments we have with those that are around us.

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[i] Rosenblatt, P. C., & Cunningham, M. R. (1976). Television watching and family tensions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 38(1), 105-111.

 

[ii] Chory, R. M., & Banfield, S. (2009). Media dependence and relational maintenance in interpersonal relationships. Communication Reports, 22(1), 41-53.

Whitney Trudo and Trudy Huckbody are both Child Development majors at Brigham Young University Idaho.

 

Should I Stay or Should I go…

Kristi Kane

During one of the terms of President William Jefferson Clinton, “Character Counts” was the motto of a Boy Scouts of America National Jamboree. President Clinton attended the jamboree, and several of the scouts were seen nudging each other in the ribs and pointing at the motto on the program. They’re not stupid.

Bill Clinton, if you will remember, was rolling in scandal from his days as Governor Clinton of Arkansas. Rumors swirled all around him of infidelity, womanizing, murder, and all that goes with someone who lacks character. Once he was President Clinton, not much changed. His shenanigans with intern Monica Lewinsky, among others I’m sure, showed that he was not a man of strong character. Not the kind I would want in a President of the United States anyway.

This past week, I have received a variety of emails from a variety of organizations telling me what some good alternatives to the Boy Scouts of America program might be now that openly “gay” boys are allowed in the scouting program. I read one letter from a man who is a third generation Boy Scout and Eagle Scout, who is now pulling his membership from the Boy Scouts. I am not surprised at any of this. I knew that if the decision to allow gay scouts was carried, there would be fallout.

Quite frankly though, I am divided as to how I feel about the fallout. Do I believe that the National Board for the Boy Scouts of America made the right decision to allow gay boys into its organization? No, I do not. Do I believe that radical homosexual lobbies will be satisfied over this decision to allow “boys only.” No. Already they are (figuratively) sharpening their knives and preparing for round two. That said, the need seems to be greater than ever these days to help struggling youth, especially boys. I can think of no better boys’ organization in the world that teaches boys the critical importance of leadership, team work, work ethic and goal setting and most importantly, the development of a strong character, like the BSA.

So this is my question, to which I do not have an answer. Do we leave boys to flounder on their own without an organization like the BSA? After one hundred years, do we pack up and go quietly into the night? The thing is, nothing makes me want to dig my heels in more than when someone coerces me or guilts me or especially threatens me into making a decision that I do not agree with, or one they want me to make.  I don’t want to leave boys without direction who need exactly that.

My second question is this, are we underestimating the character strength of our own boys when we pull them from the BSA? Are we afraid that homosexual boys might make them want to be homosexual boys? If homosexual males comprise two percent of the population, would homosexual boys be a real threat to the BSA organization? As I said, I have no answers. For now, I’m going to have to think about it.

The Court of Honor I attended for my 11-year-old son this past Wednesday, has me in no hurry to defect from the scouting program. I saw stalwart boys sitting next to extraordinary parents who all were waiting for their sons to receive a merit badge they had worked hard to acquire. I saw them lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. I’m just not ready for that to end.  But for now, what a quandary I am in. When the day comes that homosexuals are allowed to be scoutmasters (and I’m sure that day is coming), I will be in a quandary no longer, as the BSA will have an even shorter life expectancy than it has now.

 

The Way We Speak to Our Children…

Aubrey Wood & Kirstie Steel

Many of us would be appalled if we were in a grocery store and watched as a parent smacked the back of their child’s head for the offense of reaching for a box of cookies the parent had just denied.  But how many of us would feel the same level of horror if we saw that parent hiss at their child that he or she was being bad, “just like always?”  Though no physical harm came to the child, such belittling is abuse.  Abuse is defined as anything that is harmful, injurious, or offensive.   Verbal abuse can include swearing, threats, insults, bullying, and/or name calling.

The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is not nearly as true as we might want to believe.  Although, in the scenarios we are focusing on, there is not physical harm or danger associated with the words, they carry just as much negative power.  The wounds of a spoken word remain much longer than those of a physical touch.  They can remain with the victims for a long time, and can affect the way they view the world, and themselves.

HelpGuide.org is a non-profit resource designed to help readers resolve a variety of “health challenges.”  One of the topics listed on the website is Child Abuse and Neglect. To help the reader obtain a basic knowledge of this topic, the article lists “Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect.”   The first of the five myths says: “It’s only abuse if it’s violent.”  The article argues this myth by stating: “Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse.  Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.”

Benj Vardigan in his article “Verbal Abuse of Children” gives a list of the types of verbal abuse – some of them we might not even think of as being abusive:

1. “Name-calling, belittling, swearing, and insulting.”  Whether these types of criticisms are indirect or intentional, direct or not, they are harmful.
2. “Rejecting or threatening with abandonment.”  A parent’s love should be unconditional, and the child should know that it is.  They should never be threatened with the possibility, no matter how probable, of the love being withdrawn.
3. “Threatening bodily harm” is another listed type of verbal abuse.  Even if the parent never intends to follow through with this threat, it can create a relationship of fear and distrust.  This fear and distrust are not momentary—the child will not “get over it” after the threat has diminished.  It will reappear in the child’s life, and will forever be a stain on the relationship.
4. “Scapegoating or blaming.”  If children are constantly blamed for the things that go wrong, they will begin to truly believe that they are the root of the problem, and that they deserve any negative thing which happens to them.
5. “Using sarcasm” is also included on the list.  While the person using such a tactic may think that they are letting out their frustrations or anger in a way that the child will not understand, that is not the case.  Children, though they may not fully understand the sarcasm, are perceptive enough to know that they are being demeaned and treated unkindly.
6. “Berating your spouse.”  Children who see their parents verbally abusing one another are more likely to be anxious, depressed, and experience more interpersonal problems of their own.  Surprisingly, verbal aggression between parents is more traumatic to children than physical violence among parents.

The effects of verbal abuse are not just harmful in the moment, but can have longer-lasting effects, which can both linger and reappear later in life.  About 30 percent of abused and neglected children will later abuse and/or neglect their own children.  About 80 percent of children who were abused, in any manner, when they reached the age of 21 were tested and met the criteria for at least one psychological disorder.

According to a study done by Florida State University researchers, “people who were verbally abused had 1.6 times as many symptoms of depression and anxiety as those who had not been verbally abused and were twice as likely to have suffered a mood or anxiety disorder over their lifetime.” A child who is the victim of verbal abuse can also be susceptible to having a more negative self-image, become more prone to committing self-destructive acts (such as cutting), antisocial behavior, and delayed development.

Regardless of what our relationship may be with the family, Preventchildabuse.org states that to help those who are struggling with verbal abuse (on both the receiving and the administrating end), we can “Be a friend to a parent you know.”  Verbal abuse may likely come because the adult is feeling overwhelmed or stressed in their care for the child.  If the parents feel that they have a connection within the community, someone who they may depend and rely on, it could take some of the burden off their shoulders, and allow them to feel more at ease with their children, and better able to care for them.

Peggy O’Mara, editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine and author of the book Natural Family Living, has said “The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.”  As parents, leaders, teachers, or any adult who has stewardship over a child, we carry much more power and influence than we might be aware of.  For a child who is verbally abused, they will begin to associate the bad things that happen in their lives with the “truth” in the voice of a trusted adult that drifts back to them, saying how “bad,” “stupid,” or “worthless” they are.

Children depend on us to lead them, teach them, and guide them.  We show them the world—they will see it in the color that we paint it.   The way they view themselves is largely a result of what we tell them they are.

Kirstie Steel and Aubrey Wood are both students at Brigham Young University-Idaho and are interested in Family and Child Advocacy.

The Dropout epidemic

Kristi Kane

My daughter who is graduating from high school this month announced to me that many of her friends are not. Tonight my husband and I took our boys and their friends to a movie and saw one of our girls’ friends. She works at the theater. She had played junior varsity soccer with one of my girls and ran track with the other. I asked what she was doing. “I’m not sure. I got my GED, and I’m just figuring things out.” What the heck?!

Since when did high school graduation  become an option? It is an option for so many high school students these days that I can’t help but worry for their future. They have no desire to do anything. They’re content to stay home and play hours of video games or stick with a minimum hour wage paying job and live with Mom and Dad for the rest of their lives. One of my daughter’s friends who is also not going to graduate, lives with her mother who gives her a $200/week allowance. This same girl has no job, doesn’t want a job, swears at her mother, does no chores around the house to help her mother, and just recently used her allowance to get a couple of tattoos. Are you afraid for the welfare of the next generation? I am.

Suzanne W. Morse, President of Pew Partnership for Civic Change and Founder of Learning to Finish says this:

 “Despite repeated assertions on the part of leaders in all sectors about the importance of addressing the dropout situation, the problem today is more acute than ever. Recent reports indicate that nationally about one-third of all students who enter high school do not graduate on time if ever. Some 2,500 students leave high school every day.

For the one million or so students who drop out each year, the prospects are dire. For the communities in which they live, the dropout rate is very bad news indeed. Each year, the toll of lost wages, taxes and productivity that can be attributed to dropouts comes to more than $200 billion for the nation as a whole. That does not take into account the fact that more than two-thirds of the inmates in state prisons are school dropouts.”

I realize that not all high school students are like this. In my neighborhood, there are also kids who are beginning college as sophomores because they have taken AP classes and have successfully passed their AP tests. Some even have scholarships. However, the ratio of kids who are going to college weighed against those who are not even graduating high school is alarmingly low.

For many of my daughter’s friends, they haven’t seen their own parents graduate and so for them, they don’t care if they graduate or not. Some kids get pregnant, and drop out. Others say they flat out do not like school and don’t get along with their teachers or peers. Others feel the need to drop out and obtain minimum wage paying work to help out with the bills at home. On the other hand, some of this makes me wonder if parents are part of the problem. Are we doing too much for our kids and not giving them the drive to leave home to pursue a good-paying job by way of a college education or trade school? What is it that is making these kids so apathetic towards education?

The National Dropout Prevention Center/Network lists five reasons to stay in school:

1. High school dropouts are four times as likely to be unemployed as those who have completed four or more years of college;
2. Graduating from high school will determine how well you live for the next 50 years of your life. High school graduates earn $143 more per week than high school dropouts. College graduates earn $336 more per week than high school graduates ($479 more per week than high school dropouts);
3. Dropouts are more likely to apply for and receive public assistance than graduates of high school;
4. Dropouts comprise a disproportionate percentage of the nation’s prison and death row inmates. 82% of prisoners in America are high school dropouts;
5. School districts all over the country provide alternative programs for students who are not successful in the usual school setting.

If only these kids could see 20 years down the road to what their life would be like both with and without education. They would definitely see that long-term, education is the easier and better choice.

Guys having Sex: So What?

Rebecca Mallory

Many girls ask the question, “What are the legal downsides to a guy having sex before marriage?”

While legality is certainly a concern, the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of premarital sex are as serious and can be even more damaging.  Girls definitely take the biggest consequential hit for having sex before marriage. If pregnancy ensues, she has life-changing choices to make, whereas a boy can just walk away. Or can he? Attempting to leave the moral and spiritual aspect out of the equation, let’s take a look at the reality of what frequently takes place in the aftermath of premarital sex.

Much of today’s culture tells us that having sex is OK. In fact, you’re considered weird or old-fashioned unless you’ve had sex with several partners before you get married. Reality TV and big screen movies paint most sexual encounters as exciting, normal, romantic, safe and without a care in the world. “Kicking the tires” lets you discover if you are sexually compatible, right?  Not true according to counselors, psychologists and professionals who treat both boys and girls for the unintended consequences of premarital sex. Remember your first heart-wrenching breakup with a boy or girl? Now add the emotional roller coaster of a sexual relationship and it’s almost like a mini divorce. Powerful and emotional feelings are dissolved and replaced with distrust and despondency that can last a lifetime.

Even though a contraceptive device may have been used to protect against pregnancy, these devices cannot protect the heart. Most people who engage in sex before marriage report a real sense of guilt and shame. Many professionals who promote birth control will never tell you about the heartbreak and guilt associated with premarital sex. Virginity can only be given away once.  When the heart is assaulted, defense mechanisms are automatically triggered that make trust a real issue in future relationships. Sex is one of the most powerful forces we humans experience. It can create or it can destroy.  It can bond a marriage relationship with deep devotion and true love, or it can leave lasting shameful images which ultimately destroys futures. “But what if we truly love each and plan on marrying later?” This makes little difference. Studies show that much of the excitement about illicit sex before marriage distorts the sweetness of the sexual relationship after marriage. Premarital sex can offer instant gratification, but each encounter robs a boy of the care and devoted tenderness that should have been saved for his future bride. But hey… if he doesn’t care enough about the girl he’s with, the more he does it, the less he’ll care, the more callused he’ll become. So what, right?

The more partners, the more frequent the encounters, the more devastating the results. Physical consequences of premarital sex are numerous and frightening.  Over 50% of people suffering with AIDS today are between the ages of 15 and 24.The younger a person engages in sex, the more susceptible they are to STD’s. They are also more easily spread through multiple partners and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, the only real protection and guarantee against STD’s is abstinence.  Sexually transmitted diseases are easy to prevent, but difficult to treat. Most are hard to detect and have no negative side effects for long periods of time.  Many people naively assume that STD’s are spread only through sexual intercourse. Wrong. They are spread through anal and oral sex or as innocently as skin-on-skin contact where an area has been affected. So someone unaware that he/she has an STD may continue to have sex with several different partners before a devastating disease is discovered.

How many people have now been affected? And where did it originate? Hard to tell. And get this. Professionals suggest that before you engage in sex, you and your partner go to the local clinic and get tested first. Sounds romantic, huh? Wonder what the statistics and success of that fun suggestion reveal? Not so great, according to numerous websites which is why sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Why are STD’s still an issue in today’s world? Why haven’t they been wiped out with modern-day antibiotics, etc? According to Dr. Alan Christianson, because the organisms mutate and become an entirely new strain. “It’s a battle we cannot win,” he laments. He talks about a frightening “Super bug” for which doctors have no cure. This bug literally kills half the people it infects and there’s nothing to effectively treat it.

  “This might be a lot worse than AIDS in the short run because the bacteria is more aggressive and will affect more  people quickly,” said Alan Christianson, a doctor of naturopathic medicine. Even though nearly 30 million people have died from AIDS related causes worldwide, Christianson believes the effect of the gonorrhea bacteria is more direct. “Getting gonorrhea from this strain might put someone into septic shock and death in a matter of days,” Christianson said. “This is very dangerous.”

Sexually transmitted diseases are not only embarrassing and difficult to treat, but may lead to sterility or worse. Unintended pregnancies can lead to abortion, illegitimate children, and/or serious legal consequences. One young man, after a wild night of sex with a girl whose name he could barely recall, was informed two months later by her attorney that she was indeed pregnant and that he would be legally bound to financially support their child for the next 18 years. He must report his address, and income status to the court each month so that they can assess and collect child support if he somehow “forgets” about his obligations to that fun little one night stand. “Deadbeat dads” are hunted down and often prosecuted with felony charges.

Studies show that premarital sex affects social, academic and psychological development.  Family and friend relationships suffer as well as grades in school. Regardless of times have changed thinking, teens are generally too immature to handle the emotions and other consequences of the explosive sex drive that then tends to abnormally  dominate their lives and consumes all other normal emotions that they should be experiencing from sports, hanging out with friends, school activities, etc.

Let’s just be honest, guys. You’re being targeted by powerful advertisers because of crazy hormones and vulnerable changes in your bodies. Sex is big business and those purveyors don’t give a hoot about you, your future, or who you hurt… even yourself. They care about one thing; the almighty dollar. And the more they can squeeze from you, the better. They will tell you that it’s all good, that morals are a thing of the past; that remaining a virgin until marriage is weird or naive. Those are lies, plain and simple.

Yes, sex is a powerful force for good but must be harnessed and saved for marriage. I guarantee, as will any other parent, counselor or psychologist who truly cares about your well- being, that your joy will be full and your sexual relationship will be sweet and satisfying as it strengthens mutual devotion to your spouse if you practice self-restraint now and stay away from the lies and deceit of those who would tell you otherwise.

To see some of the implications of young women involved in premarital sex, go here.

“An Orderly Way of Life”

Maddie Gillel

 “Teach your child an orderly way of life; it will be to his great advantage.  It’s not too early to start when your baby is born”, counseled a wise, experienced registered nurse as she spoke to a group of women, including me, attending a prenatal class.  “To do so,” she encouraged, “establish a set time for your baby’s bath each day.  It doesn’t matter what time, just so you’re consistent in bathing him at the same time each day. A baby’s bath is the most dramatic event of his day and therefore the baby will tend to regulate his young life, which consists mainly of eating and sleeping, around the bath experience.’

Feed the baby every 3-5 hours during the day (don’t wake the baby to feed him).  The baby will soon settle in to a routine that will benefit both of you – happy baby, happy mom.  He is already benefiting from an orderly way of life and so are you.”     (D. Hoole “Now is the Time to Teach Your Child an Orderly Way of Life”)

Ms. Hoole goes on to list more suggestions in raising children in an orderly environment:

1-    Establish routines – as the child matures, it’s important to establish a routine, or structure, through consistent eating, napping, and sleeping times.  Just as with the baby, a reasonable schedule makes a cooperative, obedient child.  It’s certainly unfair and terribly unkind to scold or punish a child for misbehaving when actually he’s just hungry or tired.  There is motivation in routines because the plan carries you.

2-     Be consistent – there is power and strength in consistency.  If, on occasion, you fail to be consistent, it is important to admit it and apologize to your children, promising to try harder in the future.  It’s better to acknowledge a failure than to pretend nothing went wrong.

3-   Set your child up for success – After establishing routines, the next step is to set your child up for success.  If it’s easy and convenient, they’re more likely to keep order. Toddlers and pre-schoolers thrive on ‘helping’ you by fetching items and returning them, and they can perform these little tasks well if things are in their place.  In fact, they are glad to know that everything has a ‘home’ and they’re quick to put items back in their places.  It’s when things are misplaced that children become frustrated and lose interest in helping.

4-   Instill good habits – No eating except in designated places – A place for everything and everything in its place – Pick up is part of play  – De-junk – Work smart, not just hard; preventing messes, accidents, and planning ahead can make for more order – Put the house to bed before you go to bed; an ounce of evening can be worth a pound of morning.

5-   Help your child see the rewards, both short and long term. An orderly way of life frees your child from hassle and frustration so he can make the most of his skills and talents. The habits of order and organization are transferable to any walk of life and can bring about opportunities for success. Mostly, however, the benefits and blessings of an orderly life are intrinsic such as feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and even joy.

Mothers, don’t give up.  Plant the seed, develop the root, and someday you’ll see “fruit.”

Prayer for a Tired, Irritable Parent
(From Dear Abby)

Healthy children make lots of noise.  They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bang things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, they make lots of noise.

They play loud.  God, bless my healthy children.

Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise.Give me new understanding – understanding that doesn’t crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity.

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

”Cleanliness, neatness, and order do not guarantee happiness, but happiness is almost impossible amidst dirt,  disorder, and confusion.”   – H. B. Lee

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in him.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I learned most of life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you though I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.         -Anonymous

 

Mothers: Influencers Extraordinaire

Rachel Allison

I recently read the following:

I am totally convinced that once a woman has borne a child, she owes that child herself more than anything else in the first five years of his life…

I fear that raising emotion-starved and love-starved children can produce calloused, robotized adults—people who follow the group in straight lines and do exactly what everyone else is doing, because someone has said it is time.

I fear for the working mother who is deluded to believe that some kind, patient woman will tend to her child’s emotional needs until she can take over, that someone else will see that her child discovers he is unique, until she can pick him up at the end of the day—when she is perhaps so tired that the best he can hope to hear is, “It’s time to go to bed.”

I fear for the future of the child whose hunger for love and recognition must be satisfied in large groups.  I beg mothers to wake up, to experience the precious dawning of their child’s life with him.  Evening comes quickly—but the evening may be too late.”  Rita Chapman of Dallas, Texas as quoted in Blueprints for Living

As I read these words my first thoughts were, “Wow!  That’s strong medicine!” But hearing the news, and observing the heartbreak that is taking place in homes and families, I think that we all need a dose of strong medicine.  We may not like it, but if it helps to heal, we should do all we can to make appropriate change.

One of the speakers at church this past Sunday paid tribute to her mother.  Because her father was diagnosed at an early age with an extremely debilitating disease, her mother stepped up to not only provide the income, but she chose to work a night job so that she could be at home with her children when they needed her presence and watchful care. This little family was far from affluent.  In fact financially they were considered poor. But I know six of the children who grew up under the watchful eye of that mother.  They are well-adjusted, good, fun, talented, hard-working individuals and they adore their mother and each other.  What a blessing one selfless woman can be in the lives of her children. What a blessing her choices have been to the community where her children choose to settle.

Unfortunately, we are seeing mothers have to choose between their children and a myriad of interests, activities, and opportunities that promote their own fun, pride, and sense of fulfillment.  Our society is experiencing the results of children whose lives and care have been put on the back burner of their mother’s priorities… Years ago my son brought this poem home from school. I have never forgotten its message.  It has helped me determine where to spend my time, and where to give my heart.

             Mother

She laughs my laughter

Sheds my tears

Returns my love,

Fears my fears.

She lives my joys,

Cares my cares,

And all my hopes and dreams she shares.

Good Parenting and Sportsmanship go Together

Kristi Kane

A local news channel recently announced that a 17-year-old boy who was playing soccer, was given a yellow card during his game by the ref, and in retaliation, punched the ref in the face. The ref was hospitalized. I was shocked by the boy’s immature and inappropriate behavior, but that shock was surpassed by sickness when I read in the Sunday paper yesterday that the 46-year-old ref (a man with a wife and children), had died Saturday morning from a brain hemorrhage due to this boy’s outburst of anger. The boy who was being held in juvenile detention for suspicion of aggravated assault, is now awaiting a different formal charge (most likely manslaughter), all over a game!

I realize that this is an extreme example of the consequences of poor sportsmanship, but with spring comes such a variety of outdoor sports, that it’s important to review the examples of good sportsmanship and go over them with our children. And for many parents, it’s a good time to evaluate the attitude we bring to the game as well.

One of our neighboring cities has a required class that all parents must take to review good sportsmanship in order for their children to play in any of its city’s leagues. Is this overboard? From the games I’ve attended with my own children, I don’t think so. Parents’ attitudes are a big part of the problem. I’ve heard parents scream, “Get him!” “Be aggressive!” and badger referees as young as 14. It’s ridiculous. It is a game. It isn’t the NBA, NFL, NHL or its equivalent, although good sportsmanship should especially be seen in professional leagues as an example to athletes and fans, both young and old alike.

 “Live Strong,” gives five rules for good sportsmanship:

1. Respect your team.
2. Respect the competition.
3. Respect the officials.
4. Win graciously.
5. Lose gracefully.

There are many great attributes and character strengths that can be learned through sports: teamwork, leadership, discipline. The key is to use good sportsmanship no matter what. I can’t help but think if we all improved our attitudes at games, that we would walk away more satisfied with our performance and attitudes whether we won or lost.

Bully Business

Marlene Hinton

The nice little elementary school where I work is plastered with reminders to refrain from bullying, something I suspect most parents heartily endorse.  At the same time, I wonder how many of these children will grow up to be professional bullies.

I wonder that because bullying has been institutionalized in this country.  It is difficult to name a government-supported agency or -endorsed group that doesn’t actively engage in bullying.  IRS, EPA, FDA, OSHA, TSA, ACLU, AFL-CIO, NEA – acronyms all for bullying.”  Who are the targets?  All who don’t agree with them, who don’t pay “enough,” who claim a right to believe and act according to Constitutional law.  We are bullied for oppressing women, invoking God’s blessing in public, thinking babies have a right to live, believing our borders should be secure, making profits through labor and intelligence, supporting traditional marriage, taking spots in colleges or businesses that could be filled by “others” (regardless of qualifications), using electricity or petroleum, owning guns, not supporting the spending habits of politicians.

We are bullied for believing, saying, and doing anything that someone could take offense at, like offering a prayer at graduation, calling terrorism by its name, or supposing that the new life created by husband and wife – their own child – is NOT “community” property.  Consider these current news items:

In St. Johns County, Florida, the FFRF (Freedom From Religion Foundation) is threatening any school district with a lawsuit for “adopting a policy allowing inspirational messages, including prayer, at graduation.”  Such is protected under the First Amendment in addition to Florida law which specifically allows student prayer.  However, the bullies of FFRF,  ACLU,  and Anti-Defamation League are not only patrolling graduations, but offering scholarships to youth activists [Future Bullies of America?] to help make sure “everyone’s [being] reasonable” – their term for being afraid to pray!

It’s interesting that the origin of most of these groups was to protect us from being bullied by “big business.”  In fact, they have replaced smaller bullies with a menacing monstrosity that includes taking every penny we earn through the middle of May (this year; it goes up next year) to pay the thugs that ensure our compliance.  Scandals, fraud, and cover-ups define the SS-like taxpayer funded organizations that bully citizens on every front.

Other officially sanctioned bullies protect children from their parents.  Current examples include that of a California couple whose 5-month-old son was “snatched” by police after the parents took their son from Sutter Memorial Hospital to get a second opinion at Kaiser Permanente Hospital.  The Romeike family fled Germany in hopes of finding freedom to teach their children their own values at home.  Despite being granted asylum in the U.S. by an immigration judge, the Holder-run DOJ (alias “Gun Runners”) had that verdict overturned.  Some parents in New Jersey gave their 11-year-old his birthday wish – a gun.  Police showed up with a child services official (who refused to reveal her identity) and demanded to search their home without a warrant.

Now we have a Common Core State Standards Initiative to give some government-supported private corporations privileged (up until now) information regarding intimate details of your child’s life, including psychological testing and treatments.  In fact, those corporations get to CREATE the testing instruments that determine your child’s behavioral health as well as academic status.  You parents, however, play an important role.  You pay for it.  And if you’re not happy about that?  Well, talk to the Bully Department.  But you may have to take a number and get in line.

 

Proselytizing compared to rape? Really?

Rachel Allison

There are bombs going off on more fronts than I can name.  The attacks are relentless and escalating.

Abortion—Now the truth is coming out about the “safety” and “compassion” of abortion clinics.  And we thought the supposed “back-alley abortions” were bad?

Euthanasia—being legalized and accepted as “killing with compassion.”

Marriage—If the Supreme Court redefines marriage, marriage, completely severed from its original purpose, might never pull out of its death spiral.  Religious freedom and rights of conscience will be severely compromised.

Educational decline—we have all witnessed its decline, and with Common Core being rammed through at break-neck speed, it will continue to be an agenda driven program run by non-elected federal agencies.

And there’s so much more…

What’s most alarming, a majority of the people seem to be totally unaware and even apathetic to the bombardment.

The most recent bombshell: Court marshals for those who proselyte  in the military.

I quote Bethany Monk from CitizenLink

The Pentagon has released a statement, confirming its policy that would punish service members who share their religious beliefs.

That follows a private meeting last week between Mikey Weinstein, president of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) and the Pentagon. Weinstein said military personnel who proselytize are guilty of sedition and “treason.” He said they should be punished to quell a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”  

“If this policy goes forward, Christians within the military who speak their faith could now be prosecuted as enemies of the states,” according to the Family Research Council. “This has potential to destroy military recruiting across the services as Americans realize that their faith will be suppressed by joining the military. Our brave troops deserve better. If chaplains and other personnel are censored from offering the full solace of the Gospel, there is not religious freedom in the military.”

As I have studied this and other relevant reporting it looks like the Department of Defense has had this particular regulation in place prior to Weinstein’s demands.

“Air Force Culture, Air Force Standards,” published on Aug. 7, 2012.

Section 2.11 requires “government neutrality regarding religion.”

“Leaders at all levels must balance constitutional protections for an individual’s free exercise of religion or other personal beliefs and the constitutional prohibition against governmental establishment of religion,” the regulation states.

Military leaders were admonished not to use their position to “promote their personal religious beliefs to their subordinates or to extend preferential treatment for any religion.”

Tony Perkins, President of the Family Research Council has said Weinstein’s hands are all over this work.  I wish I understood better whether MRFF could actually have had imput into the writing of the militaries’ regulations. Weinstein, an avid atheist is now demanding that the DOD start implementing it.

I quote Todd Starnes from Fox News

President Mikey Weinstein and others from his organization met privately with Pentagon officials on April 23. He said U.S. troops who proselytize are guilty of sedition and treason and should be punished – by the hundreds if necessary – to stave off what he called a “tidal wave of fundamentalists.”

“Someone needs to be punished for this,” Weinstein demanded to Fox News.  “Until the Air Force or Army or Navy or Marine Corps punishes a member of the military for unconstitutional religious proselytizing and oppression, we will never have the ability to stop this horrible, horrendous, dehumanizing behavior.” He compared the act of proselytizing to rape.

“It is a version of being spiritually raped and you are being spiritually raped by fundamentalist Christian religious predators,” he told Fox News.

He said there is a time and a place for those in uniform to share their faith – but he took issues with fundamentalism that he says is causing widespread problems in the military.

Perkins and members of the Family Research Council were stunned that the Pentagon would be taking counsel and advice from the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.

“Why would military leadership be meeting with one of the most rabid atheists in America to discuss religious freedom in the military,” Perkins said. “That’s like consulting with China on how to improve human rights.”

If Weinstein has his way, and apparently he has the attention of military leaders “it threatens to treat service members caught witnessing as enemies of the state.”  “Non-compliance,” the Pentagon suggests, “even from ordained chaplains could result in court-martialing on a case-by-case basis.”

Does this sound like something that should be happening in the United States of America…or Hitler’s Germany?

With all the social, moral, and religious bombardment taking place we need to choose our battles wisely…but for America’s sake let us choose to fight! Apathy is a killer.

The FRC has launched a petition drive urging Defense Sec. Chuck Hagel to protect the religious freedom of troops “and not to proceed with the purge of religion within the ranks called for by anti-Christian activists.”