Guys having Sex: So What?

Rebecca Mallory

Many girls ask the question, “What are the legal downsides to a guy having sex before marriage?”

While legality is certainly a concern, the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of premarital sex are as serious and can be even more damaging.  Girls definitely take the biggest consequential hit for having sex before marriage. If pregnancy ensues, she has life-changing choices to make, whereas a boy can just walk away. Or can he? Attempting to leave the moral and spiritual aspect out of the equation, let’s take a look at the reality of what frequently takes place in the aftermath of premarital sex.

Much of today’s culture tells us that having sex is OK. In fact, you’re considered weird or old-fashioned unless you’ve had sex with several partners before you get married. Reality TV and big screen movies paint most sexual encounters as exciting, normal, romantic, safe and without a care in the world. “Kicking the tires” lets you discover if you are sexually compatible, right?  Not true according to counselors, psychologists and professionals who treat both boys and girls for the unintended consequences of premarital sex. Remember your first heart-wrenching breakup with a boy or girl? Now add the emotional roller coaster of a sexual relationship and it’s almost like a mini divorce. Powerful and emotional feelings are dissolved and replaced with distrust and despondency that can last a lifetime.

Even though a contraceptive device may have been used to protect against pregnancy, these devices cannot protect the heart. Most people who engage in sex before marriage report a real sense of guilt and shame. Many professionals who promote birth control will never tell you about the heartbreak and guilt associated with premarital sex. Virginity can only be given away once.  When the heart is assaulted, defense mechanisms are automatically triggered that make trust a real issue in future relationships. Sex is one of the most powerful forces we humans experience. It can create or it can destroy.  It can bond a marriage relationship with deep devotion and true love, or it can leave lasting shameful images which ultimately destroys futures. “But what if we truly love each and plan on marrying later?” This makes little difference. Studies show that much of the excitement about illicit sex before marriage distorts the sweetness of the sexual relationship after marriage. Premarital sex can offer instant gratification, but each encounter robs a boy of the care and devoted tenderness that should have been saved for his future bride. But hey… if he doesn’t care enough about the girl he’s with, the more he does it, the less he’ll care, the more callused he’ll become. So what, right?

The more partners, the more frequent the encounters, the more devastating the results. Physical consequences of premarital sex are numerous and frightening.  Over 50% of people suffering with AIDS today are between the ages of 15 and 24.The younger a person engages in sex, the more susceptible they are to STD’s. They are also more easily spread through multiple partners and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, the only real protection and guarantee against STD’s is abstinence.  Sexually transmitted diseases are easy to prevent, but difficult to treat. Most are hard to detect and have no negative side effects for long periods of time.  Many people naively assume that STD’s are spread only through sexual intercourse. Wrong. They are spread through anal and oral sex or as innocently as skin-on-skin contact where an area has been affected. So someone unaware that he/she has an STD may continue to have sex with several different partners before a devastating disease is discovered.

How many people have now been affected? And where did it originate? Hard to tell. And get this. Professionals suggest that before you engage in sex, you and your partner go to the local clinic and get tested first. Sounds romantic, huh? Wonder what the statistics and success of that fun suggestion reveal? Not so great, according to numerous websites which is why sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Why are STD’s still an issue in today’s world? Why haven’t they been wiped out with modern-day antibiotics, etc? According to Dr. Alan Christianson, because the organisms mutate and become an entirely new strain. “It’s a battle we cannot win,” he laments. He talks about a frightening “Super bug” for which doctors have no cure. This bug literally kills half the people it infects and there’s nothing to effectively treat it.

  “This might be a lot worse than AIDS in the short run because the bacteria is more aggressive and will affect more  people quickly,” said Alan Christianson, a doctor of naturopathic medicine. Even though nearly 30 million people have died from AIDS related causes worldwide, Christianson believes the effect of the gonorrhea bacteria is more direct. “Getting gonorrhea from this strain might put someone into septic shock and death in a matter of days,” Christianson said. “This is very dangerous.”

Sexually transmitted diseases are not only embarrassing and difficult to treat, but may lead to sterility or worse. Unintended pregnancies can lead to abortion, illegitimate children, and/or serious legal consequences. One young man, after a wild night of sex with a girl whose name he could barely recall, was informed two months later by her attorney that she was indeed pregnant and that he would be legally bound to financially support their child for the next 18 years. He must report his address, and income status to the court each month so that they can assess and collect child support if he somehow “forgets” about his obligations to that fun little one night stand. “Deadbeat dads” are hunted down and often prosecuted with felony charges.

Studies show that premarital sex affects social, academic and psychological development.  Family and friend relationships suffer as well as grades in school. Regardless of times have changed thinking, teens are generally too immature to handle the emotions and other consequences of the explosive sex drive that then tends to abnormally  dominate their lives and consumes all other normal emotions that they should be experiencing from sports, hanging out with friends, school activities, etc.

Let’s just be honest, guys. You’re being targeted by powerful advertisers because of crazy hormones and vulnerable changes in your bodies. Sex is big business and those purveyors don’t give a hoot about you, your future, or who you hurt… even yourself. They care about one thing; the almighty dollar. And the more they can squeeze from you, the better. They will tell you that it’s all good, that morals are a thing of the past; that remaining a virgin until marriage is weird or naive. Those are lies, plain and simple.

Yes, sex is a powerful force for good but must be harnessed and saved for marriage. I guarantee, as will any other parent, counselor or psychologist who truly cares about your well- being, that your joy will be full and your sexual relationship will be sweet and satisfying as it strengthens mutual devotion to your spouse if you practice self-restraint now and stay away from the lies and deceit of those who would tell you otherwise.

To see some of the implications of young women involved in premarital sex, go here.

So This is What Happened to the Country I Love?

Rachel Allison

The nation I love and honor seems to be disintegrating into a place I hardly recognize: The dress standards, the language, the disrespect, the lack of motivation and self-reliance, the “what’s in it for me” mentality, the blatant political partisanship on any and every subject…and in the most recent years the purposeful destruction of innocent lives.  How can we in just five decades evolve from a nation focused on family, God, self-reliance, and a strong moral compass, to a society that is focusing it’s efforts on destroying the family, a government that encourages free handouts, right is called wrong, wrong is called right, and religion is looked at as a crutch for the weak?

I recently read a review of Ross Douthat’s book “Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics.”   Obviously Douthat has more insight and understanding on the subject than I do.  I found his explanation fascinating.

Douthat, now a New York Times columnist contends, “America doesn’t suffer from excessive or insufficient religion, but from bad religion that exacerbates rather than heals our sociopolitical ills.” Douthat writes that the “slow-motion collapse of traditional Christianity and the rise of a variety of destructive pseudo-Christianities” have been disastrous for the nation.

Where Religious conviction used to include commitment to the Trinity…, the Ten Commandments, a “rejection of violence,” a “deep suspicion of worldly wealth and power,” and a “stress on chastity,” many in our society have found that heresy is simpler and much easier to live. If it feels right to the individual, then it is right. Moral demands are irrelevant.

Douthat writes about the years following World War II and the horror of the Holocaust.  These historical events exposed the weaknesses of secular humanism. True humanism, the nation saw, “needed to be grounded in something higher than a purely material account of the universe, and in something more compelling than the hope of a secular utopia.”  Only religious premises could adequately support and give understanding to “basic liberal concepts like equality and human rights.” As a result, there was at mid-century a revival of robust Christianity. Church attendance was up, clergy were held in high esteem, religious schools, hospitals and churches were constructed at record paces. Even popular culture was onboard, with movies like Ben Hur and The Ten Commandments.

Douthat focuses on four key figures who embody this spirit—Reinhold Niebuhr, Billy Graham, Fulton Sheen, and Martin Luther King, Jr.—”a Protestant intellectual, an Evangelical preacher, a Catholic bishop, and an African-American prophet.” Each leader had both a distinct community and the nationally respected authority to promote models of Christian orthodoxy for the modern world. The result, Douthat argues, is that “both institutionally and intellectually, American Christianity at midcentury offered believers a relatively secure position from which to engage with society as a whole.”

All of that fell apart in the 1960s and ’70s. Church membership peaked, and then rapidly declined. Douthat identifies five causes for the institutional collapse:

“1.  Political polarization (first Vietnam, then abortion, now everything),

2.  The sexual revolution (“a large swath of America decided that two millennia of Christian teaching on marriage and sexuality were simply out of date”),

3. An increasingly global perspective (multiculturalism leading to relativism and then indifference),

4. Ever-growing wealth (a prosperous people rely less on God, and religious vocations become less appealing),

5. A new class divide (elites showering scorn on traditional religion).”

Churches tried their best to accommodate this new trend of thinking by making Christianity relevant by eliminating its unfashionable ethics and values. Predictably, churches accommodating the world had less to offer it, and people stopped seeing the point of attending.

Douthat explains that one influence that the “modern thinker” bought into was Elizabeth Gilbert’s beliefs published in her book Eat, Pray, Love.  Her book peddles the “God Within” theology: “God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are.”  Douthat notes, “trying to remake ourselves “in the image of God” this is not. Why search for God in ancient texts when he is really inside each of us?”

Ironically, this search for happiness from within ends up leaving us “more isolated, lonelier, and more depressed.” Americans pay hundreds of thousands of therapists to listen to us whine about “everyday life problems.”

The God Within certainly doesn’t confine our behavior. The “promptings of one’s inner self aren’t necessarily identical to the promptings of the Holy Spirit,” Douthat writes. “Sometimes the God Within isn’t God at all, but just the ego or the libido, using spirituality as a convenient gloss for its own desires and impulses.” How sad when a society thinks that the only commandment we should adhere to is “Don’t be a jerk.”

The end result:

“A nation of narcissists turns out to be a nation of gamblers and speculators, gluttons and gym obsessives, pornographers and Ponzi schemers, in which household debt rises alongside public debt, and bankers and pensioners and automakers and unions all compete to empty the public trough.”

Douthat suggests four reasons for hope:

“1. The rootlessness of our postmodern age will finally motivate a return to Christian orthodoxy’s satisfying account of human origins and destiny;

2. Our culture’s corruption will accelerate the growth of communities of virtue;

3. The flame of faith will fan out from the increasingly Christian global South;

4. The new millennium’s various crises may well revive faith, as the ravages of war did before.”

All this, Ross Douthat insists, will require a faith that is “political without being partisan,” “ecumenical but also confessional,” “moralistic but also holistic,” and “oriented toward sanctity and beauty.” As Douthat pleads, “only sanctity can justify Christianity’s existence; only sanctity can make the case for faith; only sanctity, or the hope thereof, can ultimately redeem the world.”

What all Girls Should Know before Having Sex

Rachel Allison

Dr. Miriam Grossman, M.D. worked at a campus counseling center for more than 10 years.  The young women who came to her were in crisis. They were “working hard to fulfill their dreams:  a college education, maybe grad school, a great career, and—at some point—a home, husband, and kids.”  But they come to her office in tears because of struggles and setbacks caused by decisions and regrets. “She’s already involved with the wrong guy, or infected with genital warts or herpes.  She’s already lost a great relationship, missed an opportunity, or failed a midterm.  I’m her doctor, but all I can do is sit there, listen, and hand her tissues.”

Dr. Grossman’s book “Unprotected” should be a must read for every teenager in the United States, Canada, England, France…ok, the world. But until parents and youth leaders can get them their must read copy, here are a few things Dr. Grossman has prepared for young women to read before the regrets begin …information young girls should know before sexual intimacy.

1.  Intimacy promotes attachment and trust.

Intimate behavior floods your brain with a chemical that fuels attachment. Cuddling, kissing, and sexual contact release oxytocin, a hormone that announces: “I’m with someone special now. Time to switch love on, and caution off.  When oxytocin levels are high, you’re more likely to overlook your partner’s faults and take risks you otherwise wouldn’t…

When it comes to sex, oxytocin, like alcohol, turns red lights green.  It plays a major role in what’s called “the biochemistry of attachment.”  Because of it, you could develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with you. You might think of him all day, but he can’t remember your name.

2.  Science confirms:  alcohol makes him hot…when he’s not.

Science has confirmed the existence of “beer goggles”—when a person seems more attractive to you after you’ve had a few drinks….Drinking affects the nucleus accumbens, the area of the brain used to determine facial attractiveness.  It’s probably one of several reasons that casual, high-risk sex is often preceded by alcohol consumption.

3.  A hook-up usually leads to regret.

A recent study of  the hook-up culture at Princeton University reveals:  Before the hook-up, girls expect emotional involvement almost twice as often as guys; 34% hope “a relationship might evolve.”  Guys, more than girls, are in part motivated by hopes of improving their social reputation, or of bragging about their exploits to friends the next day.

After the hook-up: 91% of girls admit to having feelings of regret, at least occasionally.  Guilt and ‘feeling used’ are commonly cited, and overall, 80% of girls wish the hook-up hadn’t happened. Other studies have shown: 84% of women said that after having sex a few times, …they begin to feel vulnerable and would at least like to know if the other person cares about them.

As the number of casual sex partners increased, so did signs of depression in college women.  49% of students whose hook-up included intercourse never see one another again, and less than 10% of “friends with benefits” develop into romances.

4.  A younger cervix is more vulnerable to infection.

Your cervix, the entrance to your uterus, has a vulnerable area one cell thick, called the transformation zone. It’s easy for HPV (the human papillomavirus, which can cause genital warts, and even cervical cancer) to settle there. That’s why most teen girls are infected from one of their first sexual partners.  By adulthood the transformation zone is replaced with a thicker, tougher surface.  So it’s wise to delay sexual activity, or, if you’ve already started, to stop.

Even though these infections are common, and usually disappear with time, learning you have one can be devastating. Natural reactions are shock, anger, and confusion. “Who did I get this from, and when? Was he unfaithful? Who should I tell?” and hardest of all: “Who will want me now?”

These concerns can affect your mood, concentration, and sleep.  They can deal a serious blow to your self-esteem…and to your GPA.

The HPV vaccine is a major achievement, but the protection it provides is limited.  You are still vulnerable to other infections like herpes, Chlamydia, HIV, and non-covered strains of HPV.  And of course no vaccine prevents a broken heart.

5.  He may not know he has HPV or herpes.

Most guys who have a sexually transmitted infection don’t know it….it’s easiest to transmit herpes or HPV when warts or sores are present, but it can also happen at other times, when everything looks OK. Condoms only reduce the risk by 60-70%.

6.  The rectum is an exit, not an entrance.

And about those other sexual activities…

Having more than five oral-sex partners has been associated with throat cancer. Turns out that HPV can cause malignant tumors in the throat, just like it does in the cervix.

In a study of sexually active college men, HPV was found both where you’d expect—the genital area—and where you wouldn’t: under fingernails.  Yes, you read that right.  Researchers now speculate whether the virus can be shared during activities considered “safe,” like mutual masturbation.

According to the Centers for disease Control, approximately 30% of all women will have had anal intercourse by the age of 24.  Even with condoms, this behavior places them at increased risk of infection with HIV and other STDs.  For example, the risk of HIV transmission during anal intercourse is at least 20 times higher than with vaginal intercourse.

The government website, www.fda.gov, provides no-nonsense advise about avoiding HIV:  “Condoms provide some protection, but anal intercourse is simply too dangerous to practice.”

The rectum is an exit, not an entrance.  Anal penetration is hazardous.  Don’t do it.

“Young women are bombarded with the message: “Exploring and experimenting—as long as you’re “protected”—can be safe, satisfying, and beneficial.”

“Don’t fall for it.  It’s easy to forget, but the characters on Grey’s Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real.  In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes.  They’d likely be on Prozac or Zoloft.  Today a woman cannot have so many partners with paying a price….We’re fighting a horde of bugs, and the bugs are winning.  It’s no longer enough to communicate with your “partners,” get tested, and use condoms.”

“Any genital contact with another person is a serious matter. A single encounter can have life-long consequences, especially for a woman. That’s not sexist, that’s biology—your biology. Ignorance or denial of this fact will only increase your vulnerability.”

“You’re in control, it’s all in your hands.  The distress that often follows casual sex is 100% preventable.  Life may throw you some curve balls, but STDs, and encounters you’d rather forget, are burdens that you can avoid.”

“Listen to the lesson of hard science:  It’s wise to be very, very careful about who you allow to get intimately close to you.”

Dr. Grossman concludes:  “I believe in you.  And I don’t want to see you in my office.  Now go pursue your dreams.”

This information was taken from the booklet, Sense & Sexuality, prepared by Dr. Miriam Grossman for college coeds.

Free Birth Control: There may be Pros but don’t Discount the Cons

Rachel Allison

This week I received an email from a good friend. Among other news, she wrote that she had gone to pick up her birth control pills and was told, “No Charge.”

My first thought? “It has begun! Unrestricted sex for everyone!

With her email she sent a link to an article  entitled  “Free Birth Control Means Drastic Drops in Unplanned Pregnancies.” The article triumphantly touts that  “the number of unplanned pregnancies and abortions didn’t just go down, they plummeted.” This was the result of a study that was done between 2007 and 2011.

“Birth control was offered to more than 9,000 St. Louis teens and adults who were also educated about their options. The study subjects were aged 14 to 45…. All were considered at risk of unplanned pregnancies and were willing to try a new birth control method.”

Results?…”Drum roll: The free birth control program reduced unplanned pregnancies substantially and cut the abortion rate by 62  to 78 percent over the national rate…

The results were published online recently in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology. They found that from 2008 to 2010, the abortion rate ranged from 4.4 to 7.5 for every 1,000 women. For 2008 (the last year calculated) the national abortion rate was 19.6 per 1,000 women.”

“The birth rate among the girls aged 15 to 19 in the study was 6.3 per 1,000. That’s far below the U.S. rate of 34.3 for every 1,000 girls of that age range.”

The article was a “feel good” read.  We should cheer the results and expect no less from Obamacare’s free birth control mandate.

However, I hit reply to my friend’s email and sent her an article of my own that I’m sure dashed her jubilation to pieces. It’s title, “24,000 U.S. Women Become Infertile Every Year From Undiagnosed STIs”  tells in part the disheartening results of unabated sexual freedom.

 “Many tend to think of HIV or maybe syphilis as the serious one. But gonorrhea and chlamydia can and do cause a lot of infertility. Twenty-four thousand women in the U.S. become infertile every year as a result of undiagnosed STIs according to the same CDC data. Most women who have chlamydia or gonorrhea have no symptoms, which make awareness and access to screening especially important. We’re still catching so few of the cases. Among 15-24 year-olds infected with Gonorrhea only 200,000 of the estimated 570,000 who have the infection are diagnosed and treated.

Chlamydia:  Only 1 million of the  estimated 1.8 million are diagnosed and treated.

After I sent the email I remembered an interview I read recently touting a book written by Ms. Donna Freitas entitled, “The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy.” According to the author students have come to realize that even though “hook ups” are supposed to symbolize the modern mind set,  “Don’t get attached,” many students are finding that it is almost impossible to “walk away emotionally unscathed and not caring.”  They’re just not good at it.  I haven’t read the book, but Ms. Freitas claims that it is the males who are being hurt.  I will have to read her book to figure out her reasoning.

Dr. Miriam Grossman’s book entitled “Unprotected” which I have read sights the opposite.  It is the young women whose lives are being robbed of the normalcy that accompanies healthy, loving, and loyal relationships.

After reading “Unprotected” I had a knot in my stomach that made me physically sick.

This sexual freedom that is supposedly liberating both male and female from “all consequences” is a big lie.  The men involved may be dealing with concern and regret, but it is the women who are being hurt…wounded…damaged…injured…I can’t find a strong enough word that describes the consequences to a woman having sex with multiple partners.  Over time the giving of herself, and then the rejection that follows will destroy a woman…if not physically, then emotionally.

Katie Collins, Research Assistant to Dr. Grossman wrote, “Our culture does not properly honor sexual intimacy, and the cost is the health and hearts of countless young people.”

Sex without consequences is one of the biggest lies being disseminated across this country.  Free contraceptives may reduce unwanted babies from becoming the victims of this sex-crazed society, but young women of caliber are being broken, confused, misled and defeated.  That is a travesty in this world of “caring” and “compassion” and so called “women’s rights.”

Five Reasons to be a Single Parent? Give me a Break!

Rachel Allison

My children are pretty savvy…at least their mother thinks so.  However, periodically one or another will surprise me with a statement that proves that he’s not as “in the know” as he should be.  By sighting a few statistics or studies, my child has learned to verbally back off the issue until further investigation.

Where is Kerry Zane’s mother? Kerry Zane is an Emmy Award-winning television producer who wrote an article in the Huffington Post entitled “5 Reasons It’s Better to be a Single Parent.”  Unbelievably the Huffington Post published it.  Why unbelievably?  Because any reader who has studied family issues knows that Ms. Zane’s article is totally self serving and full of error. The HP is now the “clock that struck 13,”  casting doubt over all previous and future articles.

Ms. Zane’s reasons?

1.  “I no longer have to negotiate with a husband. “ I now get to make all the decisions “which in the long run is better for [my] offspring’s well-being.”

2.  “Stellar Independent Role Model:” (check out her #4 reason to see if #2 makes any sense at all.) Her daughters can see that she is a “completely whole and independent adult, and they will emulate her healthy behaviors.”  (Again, check out her #4.)

3. “Since society is shifting away from bonds of matrimony,” her children will be “enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle…Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.” (LOL)

4.  “Bed sharing not required:  Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun.  While they constantly have to “spice it up” in the bedroom, the nature of being single and switching partners does all the cooking for us.  We tease, experiment, and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover.  Men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. “ (Uh, is that a two year long-term relationship without wedding bands that can be stronger?  Why did she limit the “hot sex” to two years?  Is that when the guy or gal move on?)

5.  “Building a better body:  Marriages are like your freshman year in college.  You have the tendency to pack on the pounds.  One study found that women could gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping 54 pounds by the ten-year mark, while their single counterparts stay slim.  Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to prospective mates of the opposite sex.  The result of a divorce?  A slimmer, trimmer you—aka the divorce Diet.”  (It’s still all about #4)

Statistics from SingleParentSuccess.org

• In 1995, nearly six of 10 children living with mothers only were near the poverty line. About 45 percent of children raised by divorced mothers and 69 percent by never-married mothers lived in or near poverty, which was $13,003 for a family of three in 1998. Census Brief CENBR/97-1, Bureau of the Census www.census.gov, September 1997.
• 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)
• 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin – Investigative Aid)
• 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies…Committee for Economic Development)
• Based on the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) results of married couples’ sexual activities, women generally seem happier with their sex lives than we would think; Although married women have sex less frequently, they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex, than women in dating relationships.

I’m a 60 years old  wife, mother and grandmother. I certainly don’t pretend to be all knowing, but I can see Ms. Zane’s article for what it is… narcissistic, selfish, un-researched nonsense.  What upsets me most is that the HP’s younger readers may actually fall for all her worthless baloney.  Does anyone know Kerry Zane’s mother?

SEX – SHOULD YOU WAIT?

Maddi Gillel

“If couples have sex, do you think this will strengthen the engagement, or will it maybe tend to tear it apart?  Findings show that two times as many rings are returned when the couples have had intercourse, and the more frequent the intercourse, the greater the chance of the ring going back.”  Dr. Robert Blood, “Marriage” – University of Michigan, 1962

Dr. Blood has a collection of 250 studies about this subject – and he came to some major conclusions:

1 Pre-marital intercourse is associated more clearly with broken relationships than with strengthened ones.

2- He found that divorce is more common among couples who have had pre-marital intercourse.

3- Adultery is also more common.

4- Marital unhappiness was also found to be higher among those couples who had not waited for intimate sex until marriage.

When a person equates something as important as sex with ‘the forbidden’ and the ‘exciting’, and all this is BEFORE marriage, things change dramatically after marriage. This same couple, now married, can seem less desirable to each other.  (That is usually the reason marriages end in the first year.)  The relationship is also not as relaxed, comfortable and happy.

Men and women view sex differently.  Girls and young women know everything about love and nothing about sex.  Boys and young men know everything about sex and nothing about love.  Girls give sex to get love, and boys give love to get sex.  It takes years in a marriage to finally understand both sex and love equally.  Pre-marital sex slows down the progress of this understanding.

There is a double standard in our culture for men and women. Men are pretty disrespectful of a woman with whom they have had their way.  Women are called everything from slut to whore.  Men, on the other hand, figuratively receive badges of manliness, potency, sexiness, and physical attraction.

Two people who are dating and involved sexually, do not have enough conversation!  You can’t talk while you’re kissing and beyond. Marriage requires a great deal of knowledge of each other’s likes, dislikes, values, goals, philosophies, plans, etc.  Sex is the easy part of a relationship, so, why not do the difficult part first, namely, get to know him/her and be sure you’re a good match for marriage.

“Living together can’t work when it breeds the mutual dependency of marriage without the mutual responsibility.”  (Louise Montague –“Straight Talk About the Living- Together Arrangement”)

“Probably the greatest single hazard of the [sex before marriage] is that it can actually spoil a good relationship between two people who should eventually marry.  Because it is entered into out of weakness rather than strength, doubt rather than conviction, drift rather than decision, it offers unnecessary obstacles. Knowing this, you shouldn’t casually toss aside those inherited institutions that have had a history of success.” (Montague)

Yes, you SHOULD wait !

Some “What Ifs” of Gay Marriage

Rachel Allison

All four of my sons are Eagle Scouts.  I helped all four of them prepare for any situation as they packed for those monthly campouts and annual scout camps.  I watched them think through the “what ifs” of all the situations for which the scouting program is famous. Our sons learned to analyze the possible problems and prepare accordingly for each eventuality. By the time they earned their Eagle status they got pretty good at it.  Fifteen years’ involvement in the scouting program taught me the importance of being prepared.  I learned to analyze and mentally document the “what ifs” of my own life and that of my family.  I also learned that I can’t just hope for a positive outcome.  I have to analyze, work, study and sacrifice so the outcomes or consequences of my decisions are best for my family.

Enter the Gay marriage movement.  I have to admit that much of the pro-Gay rhetoric is convincing.  “Two people love each other.”  “They are responsible adults.”  “They deserve to be happily married under the law.”

Where should I stand on this issue?   Let me analyze from a mother/grandmother’s perspective.

We are a family who believes in God and the Bible.  I can’t force others, nor do I want to force others to believe as we do.  But if I accept gay marriage, the “what ifs” tell me that my Pastor might be prosecuted and even jailed if he preaches against the gay lifestyle. …or if he refuses to perform a marriage ceremony.  It has happened in other parts of the world.  It could happen here.  Could the Gay movement then become so emboldened as to shut the doors of my church, which would infringe on my families’ weekly devotionals?  As I watch the Constitution being violated on several fronts already, I must stand by principles that protect my religion and my right to worship.  My faith is too dear to not seriously analyze that “what if.”

Do I want my grandchildren reading about “Prince Ferdinand” and “Prince Edmond” who marry and live happily ever after? No I do not.  But it is already happening, in many of the elementary schools across our nation.  If gay marriage is legalized, the advancement of that type of propaganda will increase more and more blatantly as the years pass. Why?  Because there are many leaders in the Gay community who want to indoctrinate.  These leaders will not be content with just getting the right to marry. As I have done my research, I have seen it.  This indoctrination is blatant. And I don’t want my grandchildren confused by this in-your-face rhetoric from the gay advocates with a proselyting agenda. Again, I have done my homework.  I have been to their meetings.  There are Gays who are openly proselyting.

The Gay movement is well-organized.  There are battles being fought on all sides. They now appear to be gaining major ground with respect to the Boy Scouts of America.  I know there are Gays whose only purpose is to become a part of the scouting movement. But when one defines himself by his sexual practices, innocent boys will too quickly become not so innocent.  Nope.  I would not be willing to expose my sons to that education at the young age of 11 and 12.

I don’t pretend to be all knowing on this subject.  But I have studied and observed.  Gay marriage is just one major step of their agenda, but there are many more steps waiting to be implemented when the Gay-marriage laws are in place. I hope that we aren’t so naïve as to think this gay movement is just about the love of two responsible adults being given the right to marry.   For many Gays, the agenda is much more far-reaching.  If you don’t believe me, do your homework and you will begin to recognize all the “what ifs.”

Which Part of the Following Did you Buy/Are You Buying/Will You Buy?

Maddi Gillel

 “Lenin, and later Joseph Stalin, determined that in order to maintain control of the people it would be necessary to completely destroy the family and re-structure it. They passed a law that one could obtain a divorce simply by mailing or delivering a postcard to the local register without the necessity of even notifying the spouse being divorced. This state, along with the communist encouragement of sexual immorality during marriage, approval of abortion, and forcing women out of the home into the workforce, accomplished its purpose of destroying the Russian family.”  -Soviet expert Mikhail Heller

I graduated from high school and attended college during the 60’s.  High school was alright, but when I went to college, many of the attitudes of the 60’s were being adopted, and in one particular class, the teacher was buying it all and spreading it to us.  I was ridiculed one day in class for my religious activities – by the teacher, and followed up by a few of the students.  I did not like the 60’s.  I didn’t agree with anything that was going on.

You might have guessed that I am reading a book called “The Marketing of Evil” by David Kupelian.  It is excellent.  He states that there were some far-reaching happenings in the 60’s that began the downward spiral of the family in our culture:

1-    Governor Reagan signed the no-fault divorce law (which he later regretted). This traveled like wildfire to all 50 states within a few years.

2-    Kennedy’s assassination – a national shock which signaled the end of American’s innocence.

3-    The Vietnam War – This war was ideologically waged for a noble cause: to help the Vietnamese fight the communists who were invading their country, but the war was executed disastrously by incompetent leaders, so it became controversial and divided our nation.

4-    Rock music invasion from England (Beatles, Rolling Stones) exerted a powerful hold on America’s youth and soon introduced the psychedelic drug culture.

5-    Widespread confusion among America’s churches and churchgoers over God.  “IS GOD DEAD?” became THE question of the time. This caused anxiety and uncertainty which caused a vacuum into which all kinds of alien philosophies and beliefs flooded: occultism, paganism, channeling, and New Age practices of every conceivable sort.  This also opened up a torrent of “liberation” movements:  sexual, women’s, and gays.

There were other factors that helped roll this revolution along, but you get the idea.

I was too young to realize all this was happening, but I knew that our culture was becoming more and more unsettled and angry.  As I said before, I was sometimes alone in my beliefs and activities if they were contrary to the new belief system invading our world.  I didn’t like any of it.  I didn’t buy into any of it.

Where do we go from here?

• How about a serious return to family?– champion the family, defend it, make sure our family is as strong and healthy as possible.
• How about a return to religion? Let’s see what the scriptures say about how to live this life.  Let’s attend our church every Sunday. Let’s give service and kindness and patience to our friends and neighbors.  Learn how to pray.  Prayers are answered!
• How about a return to some serious development of our gray matter. Turn off the tv- which is written for 8^th grade minds.  Let’s put down some of the technology we’re addicted to.  How about reading a book by Victor Hugo, or Mark Twain, or Jack London, or Ayn Rand.
  
• How about a visit to the mountains, or beach, or desert and enjoy some of God’s creations.

There really are ways that we can either be at war with our soul, or at peace.  It all depends on what we buy into.

 

“Hooking Up”—Is it Really Worth it?

Rachel Allison

Last week I wrote about Hydeia Broadbent, a young woman’s crusade to stop HIV/AIDS.

This week I want to write about some of the “lesser” sexually-transmitted diseases and other problems that are caused by “hooking up.”

There are 19 million new infections of sexually transmitted gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis yearly, which cost $17 billion to treat each year.  But there are others—human papillomavirus, herpes, genital warts, hepatitis, trichomoniasis, and scabies, to name just a few.  The World Health Organization says that there “are more than 30 different sexually transmissible bacteria, viruses and parasites.”  Treatment for those in the United States is also in the billions of dollars per year—that is when they’re treatable and not drug resistant.

Assuming that everyone who is having sex is aware of STDs,  I am quite sure that they don’t understand the consequences that those diseases will bring to their lives.  One woman tells her story when she learned she had Genital Herpes.  I can’t imagine the emotional trauma such a discovery would cause.  As a teenager my doctor told me I had athlete’s foot, and emotionally I felt “dirty” until the creams and ointments cleared up the fungus.

Unfortunately, casual sex is expected by too many, and practically revered by  leftists.  Enter Sandra Fluke publicly demanding that free contraception be given to all sexually-active women. I wonder why someone didn’t argue that the monetary cost of complimentary contraception is miniscule compared with the cost of treating the STD’s that will be transmitted during all that “free” sex.

The facts:

• According to a recent CDC (Center for Disease Control) survey only 60% of high-school students who have had sex used a condom the last time they had intercourse.

50% of HS students say they’ve had sex at least once. (This statistic may be low because many don’t consider oral sex as “sex.”)

• According to the AP article entitled “1 in 4 teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease” not only did 25 percent of teenage girls have an STD, “among those who admitted to having sex, the rate was even more disturbing—40 percent had an STD.”  Black girls suffered worst:  48 percent of them had an STD.

The National Cancer Institute at the National Institute of Health stated that the human papillomavirus, which is “spread through direct skin-to-skin contact during vaginal, anal, and oral sex, causes virtually all cervical cancers and most anal cancers and some vaginal, vulvar, penile, and oropharyngeal cancers (cancers in the middle part of the throat.)” And the risk isn’t limited to women. The title of a 2011 NBCNews.com article adequately sums up the situation:  “Cancer spike, mainly in men, tied to HPV from oral sex.”  The article added that “we can expect some 10,000 to 15,000 patients with the oropharyngeal cancers per year in the United States, with the great majority having HPV-positive (cancers.) “High risk HPV infections account for approximately 5 percent of cancers worldwide.”

According to the CDC, “Chlamydia and gonorrhea are important preventable causes of infertility,” even though “most women infected with Chlamydia or gonorrhea have no symptoms.  There are “an estimated 2.8 million cases of Chlamydia and 718,000 cases of gonorrhea that occur annually in the United States.” Each year untreated STDs cause 24,000 women in the US to become infertile.”  STD’s cause approximately one-fourth of all infertility in women, and treatment to rectify infertility can be very costly.

I won’t elaborate on how STD’s affect babies.  But babies can get the dread disease from their mothers causing stillbirths, low birth weight (less than five pounds), conjunctivitis (eye infection) pneumonia, neonatal sepsis (infection in the baby’s blood stream), neurologic damage, blindness, deafness, acute hepatitis, meningitis, chronic liver disease, and cirrhosis.

STD’s truly are “the gift that keep on giving.”

Again I will ask, “Where is the outcry?”  If there were enough voices outraged by the outright disregard of the issue that is bringing so much emotional and physical pain, death and monetary waste, maybe…just maybe we could help bring this deception to the forefront.

Modern-day Russian Roulette

Rachel Allison

At birth, Hydeia Broadbent was abandoned at the University Medical Center of Southern Nevada in Las Vegas where Patricia and Loren Broadbent adopted her as an infant. Although her HIV condition was congenital, she was not diagnosed as HIV-positive with advancement to AIDS until age three. The prognosis was that she would not live past the age of five. Now more than 20 years later, Broadbent spends her time spreading the message of HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention by promoting abstinence and safe-sex practices (for people who choose to have sex

As an early recipient of anti-viral treatments that made AIDS a livable disease, she could have used her platform to emphasize the positives of HIV when coupled with modern medicine.  She could have chosen to give HIV/AIDS patients hope and the promise of beating the odds.

Not Hydeia.  She doesn’t sugar coat the consequences of the disease even when drugs promise a long and somewhat productive life. “There are days when I can’t get out of bed.  Sometimes I am so sick my mornings are spent with my head hung over the toilet.”

Every morning she takes her cocktail of five pills. Hydeia’s medicine costs $3,500 to $5,000 a month.

“There’s so much misinformation.  People think there’s a cure…but there is no cure.”  A positive test result is no longer a death sentence, says Hydeia, “but it is a life sentence.”

“It’s always there.  You’re always going to have HIV or AIDS.  You’re always going to be taking medicine.  You’re always going to be going to the doctor’s office.  You’re always going to be getting your blood drawn.”

Tell that to the millions who can’t fathom contracting HIV/AIDS (or any other STD for that matter.) “Hooking Up” is as common in today’s loose society as chopping wood was for my grandparent’s.

Legislators are outlawing anything and everything so that our society is safe.  The food we eat has to pass strict inspection.  The vehicles we drive, the toys our children play with, the fabric used to make our children’s clothing, roadways, walkways, speed limits…We have legislation in place to protect and defend just about everything.

And yet there are tens of thousands across the globe being exposed to a disease that is more threatening and costly than society will openly and publicly admit. Where is the outcry? The target audience seems to be oblivious to the “Russian Roulette” they are playing.

We need more Hydeia Broadbents educating and laying out the cold hard facts about a disease that can and should be contained and eradicated…Not with condoms.  Condoms have proven to be bogus protection. It can only be eradicated with a value system that teaches self-control and even self-denial…something almost unheard of in today’s society.

Despite the harsh realities of HIV/AIDS and the supposed public awareness, the National Center for Health Statistics, show that in the United States, “for all races combined in the age group 15-24 years, HIV/AIDS moved from the 12^th leading cause of death in 2009 to the 11^th cause of death in 2010.” It was the 7^th leading cause of death in 2010 for the age group 25-44 years.”   Where is the outcry? This is the elephant in the room that is destroying lives, and yet the target audience seems  oblivious to the destruction.  They continue to play with a fire that doesn’t just burn, it consumes.  Would it be taboo to legislate activity so intimate?  Apparently so.

Parents and grandparents, and the Hydeia Broadbents of the world, it is up to us to educate and raise the warning voice that will save lives in this promiscuous society where “if it feels good…” is accepted without thought of consequence or outcome.