UFI

Still Courting After All These Years…

In Families, Marriage, Parenting on February 11, 2013 at 10:20 am

Couple at dinnerKristi Kane

Courting.   It’s an old word, one my Dad used to use. But its definition is one we romantics all love: special or devoted attention in order to win favor, affection, etc. Who doesn’t want to be courted? When my husband and I began dating, I loved the whole courting thing! I felt an exhilaration that was completely unreal. I was in love. I loved to hear my husband’s voice. I loved to see his face. I loved to spend time with him. I loved to hold his hand. I loved to hear him laugh. I loved him.

A lot of relationships start out this way. We are absolutely gone for the person we’re attracted to. Sometimes the courting leads somewhere, sometimes it doesn’t. But when it does, watch out! Fireworks ignite and all the world is one big happy place. (Think of the Disney movie “Bambi” when Bambi, Flower and Thumper all got twitter pated. Now you have the idea.) All of this courting leads somewhere, and that somewhere for responsible adults is marriage.

It’s easy to want to do things together when you’re in this stage. You could be the busiest person on the planet and you will still find time to fit that someone special into your hectic day. Now what happens when you get married? Well, now you’re eating meals together, waking up together, brushing your teeth together, being intimate together. You get to spend oodles of time together for the rest of your life.  Are you thinking, “Well, I’m married to this person; I don’t need to court them anymore.” If you’re thinking this, reconsider. Courting isn’t just special or devoted attention in order to win favor, affection, etc., it is also special or devoted attention in order to keep favor, affection, etc.

Make Time for Courting

Unfortunately I’ve seen couples kick courting to the curb especially after they have a child. They put all of the focus on the baby. It’s great they love their child, but they don’t have time to court each other anymore? Are you kidding me? It will be great for your marriage to get out once a week for a couple of hours and spend time alone as husband and wife. The baby will be all right with a trustworthy sitter for that brief amount of time, I promise. I’ve done it hundreds of times. The baby will be fine and your marriage will be even better. And if you can’t remember the last time you spoke to each other for more than 15 minutes, don’t go to a movie. Go somewhere where you can talk to each other.

As our family grew, I survived the week because of courting. It was nice to trade in sweats for an actual out-on-the-town outfit, and styled hair in lieu of a ponytail. But the best part by far was to spend one on one time with my husband: no interruptions, no children needing our attention, just my husband and me.

I once heard a well-liked physician in our city tell a group of people, “When the children all moved out of the house, my wife and I had to try to get to know each other all over again. All of our time had been devoted to them.” I was surprised and a little disappointed. I realize that a physician’s life is demanding. I realize he and his wife were devoted to their children, but his statement was telling. It seemed from what he said that there had been little time spent alone as husband and wife over the course of 25 years. It had all revolved around work and children.

Make time for courting. Love your spouse. Take time for each other. There are times you may you think you don’t have time to spend alone time with your spouse, but make the time. It’s worth it. You won each other once by giving each other special and devoted attention. It’s worth it to keep that special love and devotion going, before it’s gone.

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  1. ‘loved your article – good advice! It’s nice to know that you and your husband are good friends – a scarcity now days. I’ve read someplace (and many years ago) that there is only a small percentage of marriages that have this special kind of relationship. Marriage is like anything else worthwhile – you have to work at – giving it time and effort.

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