Poll: Have you ever been called a “hater” because of your stance on same-sex marriage?

Here’s the question that we asked UFI readers:

“Have you ever been called a “hater” or a “bigot” because of your stance on same-sex marriage?”

Here is how readers responded:

78 percent           “Yes”

22 percent           “No”

The Chilling of Our First Amendment Rights

The First Amendment is more than a legal guarantee. It is a culture — a key American value — which holds that in a decent and free society, law-abiding citizens should not face reprisals for speaking up with civility for the moral good as they see it.  Sen. Chuck Grassley’s remarkable opening statement in today’s Senate hearing on a bill to repeal DOMA called attention to a very serious and growing intolerance directed at Americans who believe marriage is the union of husband and wife.  Read more …

Straight Talk for Those Who Buy into Hollywood’s Values

By Rachel Allison

Hollywood and the media send “in your face” messages of sexual lies that far too often men and women swallow, hook, line and sinker.  “Sex on the first date?  That’s okay, it was love at first sight”.  “You waited to have sex until the third or fourth date?  You’re a pillar of self-control.”  “You choose to wait until you are married to have sexual intimacy?  You are a prude. “

Let’s talk facts.

1.  According to medical studies intimate behavior floods the brain with oxytocin, a chemical that fuels attachment.  When oxytocin levels are high, a person is more likely to overlook the partner’s faults, and take risks not normally taken.  When it comes to sex, oxytocin, like alcohol, turns red lights green.  It plays a major role in what’s called “the biochemistry of attachment.”

According to Dr. Miriam Grossman, MD, girls, in particular, can develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with her.  She might think of him all day, but he can’t remember her name.

2.  Science has confirmed the existence of “beer goggles”—when a person seems more attractive to you after you’ve had a few drinks.  In a British study, eighty college students rated photos of unfamiliar faces of men and women their age; alcohol consumption significantly raised the scores given to photos of the opposite sex. Drinking affects the nucleus accumbens, the area of the brain used to determine facial attractiveness.  It’s probably one of several reasons that casual, high-risk sex is often preceded by alcohol consumption.

3.  A recent study of the hook-up culture at Princeton University reveals:  Before the hook-up:  Girls expect emotional involvement almost twice as often as guys; 34 percent hope “a relationship might evolve.”  Guys, more than girls, are in part motivated by hopes of improving their social reputation, or of bragging about their exploits to friends the next day.  After the hook-up:  91 percent of girls admit to having feelings of regret.  Guilt and “feeling used” are commonly cited, and overall, 80 percent of girls wish the hook-up hadn’t happened.

Other studies have shown:  84 percent of women said that after having sex a few times, even with someone they didn’t want to be emotionally involved with, they begin to feel vulnerable and would at least like to know if the other person cares about them.

As the number of casual sex partners in the past year increased, so did signs of depression in college women.  Forty nine percent of students whose hook-up included intercourse never see one another again, and less than 10 percent of “friends with benefits” develop into romance.

4.  A younger cervix is more vulnerable to infection.  The younger cervix has a vulnerable area one cell thick, called the transformation zone.  It’s easy for HPV (the human papillomavirus, which can cause genital warts, and even cervical cancer) to settle in there.  That’s why most teen girls are infected from one of their first sexual partners.  By adulthood the transformation zone is replaced with a thicker, tougher surface.  Even though these infections are common, and usually disappear with time, learning you have one can be devastating.  Natural reactions are shock, anger, and confusion.  “Who did I get this from, and when?  Was he unfaithful?  Who should I tell? And hardest of all:  Who will want me now?  These concerns can affect concentration, sleep, mood, and can deal a serious blow to one’s self-esteem.

The HPV vaccine is a major achievement, but the protection it provides is limited. You are still vulnerable to other infections like herpes, Chlamydia, HIV, and non-covered strains of HPV….not to mention the emotional trauma inflicted.

5.  Most guys who have a sexually transmitted infection don’t know it. Routine testing for men does not provide information about HPV or herpes.  It’s easiest to transmit herpes or HPV when warts or sores are present, but it can also happen at other times, when everything looks OK.  Condoms only reduce the risk by 60-70 percent.  So you may still pay a price, even if both partners are tested and a condom is used every time.

6.  And about those other sexual activities…having more than five oral sex partners has been associated with throat cancer.  Turns out that HPV can cause malignant tumors in the throat, just like it does in the cervix.

In a study of sexually active college men, HPV was found both where you’d expect—the genital area—and where you wouldn’t:  under fingernails.  Researchers now speculate whether the virus can be shared during activities considered “safe,” like mutual masturbation.

According to the Center for Disease Control, approximately 30 percent of all women will have had anal intercourse by the age of 24.  Even with condoms, this behavior places them at increased risk of infection with HIV and other STDs.  For example, the risk for HIV transmission during anal intercourse is at least 20 times higher than with vaginal intercourse.  The government website, www.fda.gov, provides no-nonsense advice about avoiding HIV:  “Condoms provide some protection, but anal intercourse is simply too dangerous to practice.”

7.  Seventy-five percent of college freshmen say that raising a family is an “essential or very important goal.”  But 55 percent of younger high-achieving women are childless at 35.  And 89 percent of them think they’ll be able to get pregnant into their forties.

It’s easiest for a woman to conceive and deliver a healthy child in her twenties.  Fertility declines slightly at 30, and more dramatically at 35.  Some may imagine that the waiting rooms of fertility clinics are packed with obese women smoking cigarettes.  Wrong!  They are filled with health-conscious women who work out and count calories.  They are there because they’re forty.

 Hollywood’s lie?  “Exploring and experimenting with sex is fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying.” 

Don’t fall for it.  It’s easy to forget, but the characters on Grey’s Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real.  In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes.  They’d likely be on Prozac or Zoloft. Today a woman cannot have multiple partners without paying a price.

Most of this article comes from Sense and Sexuality by Miriam Grossman, M.D.

For your bookshelf:  “Unprotected” by Miriam Grossman, M.D.,  “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine, M.D. and “Taking Sex Differences Seriously” by Steven E. Rhoads, Ph.D.

At the UN, Count on Unpredictability

*Another in UFI’s series of blog posts from the young adults attending the UN High Level Meeting on Youth

By Desiree Davenport

Growing up in Iowa, I had to learn to stand up for my beliefs, which weren’t always popular.  Conservative views and Christian beliefs were present in my high school, but they certainly were not the loudest voices in the school.  I then went to Brigham Young University, where conservative is mainstream and nonreligious is unheard of.  But neither of those experiences could really prepare me for New York City and the UN.

I have but rarely been in a city as big as New York.  Other than having a firm resolution in my mind that I never want to live here, the big city does not bother me.

The UN, though, is another story.  The only thing that can be counted on when it comes to the UN are unpredictability and disorganization.  The document that was initially supposed to be negotiated during this conference is already done, and was before I stepped foot in New York, my work was done.  The only thing to do is gather information on what is happening in the UN, especially on the social issues involved.

Today, July 25^th, I attended the morning UN General Assembly Session after having waited in a line for a couple of hours.  The irony of that meeting is that none of the young people in attendance at this UN conference were issued the usual regulation badges.  Rather, we were given tickets, and we have to get a new ticket for each general session.   We weren’t even extended the same courtesy that is given to the usual NGO delegate to the UN.

At these general sessions, everybody says essentially the same thing.  “We need to listen to our young people.  We need to give them a voice.  We need to include them in our delegations, even.”  And I sit there, observing, but would love to participate. But we are unable to get badges.  Even at the side meetings, our point of view is often skated over and largely ignored.

Another thing that bugs me is that the term “religious fundamentalist” has been applied to me and those who believe, like I do, that the family is the central unit of society.  I am religious.  I will not deny that.  But a request to recognize and support the traditional family in which one man married to one woman create a family together is not fundamentalism and should not be lumped with those who would kill for their point of view.

I have given some thought to a solution to the problems at the UN, and the fundamental differences that seem to be very prevalent, particularly at the side meetings.  We cannot get anywhere without stepping back a bit and looking at the issues as they really are.  A little understanding and patience goes a long way.

 Desiree Davenport is from Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  She has five younger siblings, a mom and a dad and a dog; together, they are a very happy family.   Desiree recently graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Spanish.    From Desiree:  “The opportunity to come to New York to stand and fight for the family came at a great time for me and I am happy and honored to be here and do what I can.”

The youth of the world invited, but not allowed to speak

*Another in UFI’s series of blog posts from the young adults attending the UN High Level Meeting on Youth

By Ashley Tucker

Growing up I always imagined and thought of the United Nations as a grand, elite meeting ground for world intellectuals who work to change the world (hopefully in a positive way).

I could not have been more wrong.

While attending the UN High Level Meeting on Youth, I sat for hours listening to delegate after delegate in turn say the same thing- “we need youth to be involved in government. Youth participation is critical for our future. The involvement of the youth is not just for tomorrow but today!” – And this continues on and on in several languages, yet the youth attending were not allowed to participate in anything. The ‘year of youth’ is a big hypocritical joke. There are no round tables, youth participation, discussion, or input taken; only a one-sided conference declaration that was completed before any of the young people arrived.

The most educational side event I went to was put on by IPPF called ‘strengthening youth leaders, advocacy from the ground up.’ The underlining message of the meeting was youth of the word need to get involved in government and the first rights that they need to petition for are sexual rights. They need to do so courageously, relentlessly, and to never give up the battle for their human right to have sex when ever, however, wherever, and with whomever they want.

It is so refreshing to hear that in countries that don’t have proper food, water and shelter are being taught that the first way to improve their lives is to ensure they have their sexual rights. Thanks, UN.  This is social justice at its very best.

 

With Rights come Responsibility

*Five young adults representing United Families International are currently attending the UN High Level Meeting on Youth in New York.  This is the first in a series of posts written by these individuals telling of experiences and their insights.

By Faith Goimarac

One key phrase of the UN conference on youth is “sexual rights.” I have been in developing countries where basic rights are being violated, such as the right to freedom of speech, right to assemble, right to clean water, right to vote, etc. I had never thought much of sexual rights, but the consensus here is that sexual rights are some of the most vital rights there are, even “essential and a fundamental part of our humanity.”

The problem with sexual rights is when they begin to affect or even harm others. Whenever we push for a new right to be recognized, we must realize that with every right comes a responsibility. What no one seems to realize here is that their life is not only their own. Ones actions affect many others. We are free to choose our actions, but not
the consequences and not who is affected by these consequences.

For instance, International Planned Parenthood Federation’s (IPPF) booklet called “Girls Decide” for young women living with HIV says, ‘you have the right to the highest attainable standard of health, including sexual health.” This same booklet also explains that those living with HIV have the right to “decide if [emphasis added], when and how to disclose your HIV status.”

Say a young man living with HIV exercises his “right “ to not disclose his HIV status to one of his partners (all printed material here writes “partner” with a (s) at the end), and their method of protection fails. His right has just infected an innocent girl, taking away her right to health as HIV damages her immunity and most likely shortens her life.

Many here also agree that infecting a person with HIV should not be a crime, even though it is life-debilitating. Realizing that 76% of the people living with HIV in Sub-Saharan Africa are female only emphasizes that those exercising such sexual rights are forgetting about those responsibilities attached.

Every such event or publication published by IPPF or similar agencies expresses how “loving you is part of sexuality,” “you have the right,” and imply that your health and happiness are most important. How will our society be after a few years of ignoring the responsibilities that come with rights? The responsibilities that, if ignored, take away the rights, happiness, and health of others, especially the most vulnerable?

The family is an “other-centered” institution, and the love of self at the center of the sexual rights talk will be the root of what destroys the family.

Broken Promises: The UN and the U.S. are killing millions

By Grace Sailor

As I delve into the book Broken Promises: How the AIDS Establishment Has Betrayed the Developing World by Harvard professor,  Edward C. Green, a  self-acclaimed lifelong, outspoken  liberal-progressive-leftist, I am mesmerized by his conservative views on the solution to what is referred to as the AIDS hyperepidemic.

As he begins to reveal the deception of the United Nations and the U.S. Congress by not acknowledging data that enforces the truth that positive “responsible” behavior such as abstinence and fidelity are a viable solution to the AIDS crisis. Instead, the U.N. and U.S. have poured billions of dollars into promoting condom distribution instead of promoting these positive behaviors. Dr. Green reports that “when Westerners convinced Botswana that condoms would stop AIDS, the results were catastrophic. About one in five adults there now have HIV.”

In the African continent, it is reported that over forty-six million people have been infected with HIV which has resulted in the death of over eighteen million natives.  Unlike the rest of the world, the majority of those infected in Africa are from heterosexual relationships, not through homosexuality or drug users. Sadly, this epidemic has left over twelve million AIDS orphans behind, and the numbers are still rising.

I have experienced Dr. Green’s frustration first hand as I have been involved at UNAIDS meetings and worked with an African AIDS prevention program for many years.  Dr. Green summarizes many of our experiences when he recounts testifing before a House subcommittee in 2006 in regard to data that supported fidelity and abstinence.  He writes that he “soon was wondering why they called it a “hearing” – because no one was listening.” After the hearing Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA) informed Dr. Green that the “The rest of the world, quite frankly, disagrees with what you’re saying “and continued to state that “the rest of the world gets it.”

I have witnessed firsthand at high- level UNAIDS meetings, conservative world leaders promoting abstinence and fidelity be openly mocked and ridiculed by many fellow U.N. countries while attempting to give their speeches.  I was disgusted that these high-level leaders representing the world were acting like teenagers fighting for their rights for sexual freedom – at all costs. It was disturbing and frightening to see the lack of moral judgment among the world leaders.

Dr. Green’s book reminds me again of why it is so important that the pro-family movement fights for a voice within the international, national, and local governments.  It is an uphill battle – but a battle worth fighting. The results could save millions of lives – literally.

Reader Poll: Is divorce becoming less socially acceptable?

Here is the question we asked our readers:

“The New York Times is reporting that divorce is becoming less socially acceptable. Have you noticed that in your social circles?”

Here is how they responded:

87 percent           “No”

13 percent           “Yes”

 We were surprised that not many of our readers chose to respond to this question.  Not sure if that’s because divorce just doesn’t figure prominently in our readers’ lives or if it was just a dumb question.

The New York Times, however, seemed to think it was relevant and printed an article describing how elite New Yorkers now feel the stigma of divorce.   How Divorce Lost Its Groove

You can read our blog post on it here.

Number One Killer

The statistics on African American abortions are shocking. Numbers like:  “In New York, sixty percent of all African American babies are aborted.”  Even though African Americans are only about 13 percent of the U.S. population, one of every three abortions in the United States is performed on a black woman. Three of every five African American women will abort a child.

Some view the stating of these numbers as racist.  Odd…  To point out that genocide is being committed against a group of people certainly does not qualify as racist – if fact just the opposite.

The National Black Prolife Coalition recently began a social media video campaign to expose the number one killer of African-Americans: Planned Parenthood and urban abortion clinics.  Below is one of their three videos.  It is quite well done, but very sobering.  That’s a good thing.  We all need to become much more “sober” about the calamity known as abortion.

Feeling Overworked and Under Appreciated at Home? Maybe It’s Time to Go on Strike.

Catch the interview with Sherri Mills, author of “I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went On Strike Instead.”

Years ago, Sherri Mills was fed up with being an overworked, under-appreciated mother and wife. Facing a potential divorce, she decided to solve her domestic labor dispute in an unusual way—by going on strike. Join us as Mrs. Mills describes the unconventional approach she used to got her marriage back on track and the common ailments of marriage (and divorce) that she has witnessed during her decades as a cosmetologist.

Click here to listen to the interview

Recorded Experiences—Memories Remembered

By Rachel Allison

Mothers who still have children in the home, this is for you.  You may think that the laundry bins will always overflow, but they won’t.  You may think that stumbling on an abandoned toy or tennis shoe will forever be a daily experience, but those toys and little shoes disappear all too soon.  So do the peanut butter and jam smears on the counter, and the fingerprints all over the sliding glass door.

Instead of dreaming of the years to come when a meal can be eaten without spilled milk, or treasured sleep is not interrupted because a child crawls into bed with Mom and Dad, record each precious experience you have with each precious child.

This morning I came across a journal that I kept from December 1988 through December 1990.  I opened the binder and began to read…

“I’m at the roller rink right now waiting for Seth (13) Natalie (12) Douglas (10) and their friends to tire of roller skating.  It’s eight p.m.   We’ve been here since five.  Andrew (6) and Nathan (4) came too.  I rented skates so I could “help them skate.”  Have you ever heard the phrase “the blind leading the blind?”  At one point Nathan was screaming at me to get him off the skating floor.  I couldn’t.  I couldn’t maneuver him and me both.  People were coming at us and a little girl fell right in front of us, so Nathan and I fell on top of her.  That made Nathan even madder, and you know how Nathan is when he’s mad?!  I decided to bribe Andrew and Nathan with a frozen yogurt if they’d let me take them home early.  They’re home with their dad now, and like I “said” earlier, “I’m patiently waiting…”

We have experiences like these and at the time we can’t imagine ever forgetting them. But I did.  That journal entry was a forgotten priceless memory, as are the scores of weekly entries that I relived as I read. Several times I thought, “My children would love to have a copy of these recorded memories.”

There are different ways to keep journals these days…some much easier and less time consuming than others.  If you’ve never kept a journal I would suggest you Google “journal keeping,” or for some simple tips go to

http://lds.about.com/od/1/a/les_journal.htm

We mothers and grandmothers have a vital responsibility to hold our families together.  In good times and bad times the good memories we make together can be the catalyst that gives hope and perspective.  Lets make sure these memories are never forgotten. Lets record them.